TulipGirl

“I am definitely more in line with “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” in antithesis to “Growing Kids God’s Way” and other similar programs that use both Ivan Pavlov and B.F. Skinner type methodology.”

If I remember correctly, it was some well-placed and gentle words from your wife that helped me realize, “Hey, this Ezzo guy has some serious theological errors–at least serious theological sloppiness!”

I find some of what is in SACH to be inspiring. I find some of it goes beyond what the Bible teaches.

I do believe discipline, correction, reproof, chastisement–all of those are mandated in Scripture. I don’t believe that the Bible mandates smacking a small child on the backside with a hand/implement. While I don’t believe the Bible forbids spanking, I do see within the current Christian subculture extra-biblical teachings on spanking, some of which are downright disturbing. Obviously, the Pearls and their behaviouristic training-not-disicpline approach, but also the development of a theology of spanking that views it as a “means of grace.”

I have found that the Gospel can be communicated, good morals imparted, and Biblical discipline administered without the use of the rod/spanking. While my children are still a work in progress, I know many Christian mothers with grown children who didn’t rely upon spanking. And I know others who state they should not have spanked the way they did.

That said, God has placed our children in our families for a purpose. Each of us are responsible before Him for their training and nurturing in the Lord.

To spank or not to spank–that really isn’t the question.

Rather, am I integrating the Gospel in all areas of life, including my relationship with my children?

Am I walking in the Spirit, bearing the Fruit of the Spirit, and is the reflected in how I treat my husband and children?

Am I relying upon the Holy Spirit or a method with my children?

Am I faithfully instructing them in the Word, catechizing them, teaching them?

Am I leaning into the Lord and seeking grace when I struggle? Am I extending that same grace to my children?

Am I relating to my children as brothers in the Lord?

I find that the issue of spanking fades to the background when I’m focusing on these things instead.

I hope this is helpful, Barry. You know I think very highly of y’all–and would not want you to hear condemnation from me.

Grace and peace,

Thanks for the link to homeschooljournal.

Could you tell me where to find Michael Pearl’s reference to the plumbing line? I am thinking it is not in TTUAC.
TIA

Annette,

It is in this article on the NGJ website:

The full quote, so people can see it is not being taken out of context:

What instrument would I use?

As a rule, do not use your hand. Hands are for loving and helping. If an adult swings his or her hand fast enough to cause pain to the surface of the skin, there is a danger of damaging bones and joints. The most painful nerves are just under the surface of the skin. A swift swat with a light, flexible instrument will sting without bruising or causing internal damage. Many people are using a section of ¼ inch plumber’s supply line as a spanking instrument. It will fit in your purse or hang around you neck. You can buy them for under $1.00 at Home Depot or any hardware store. They come cheaper by the dozen and can be widely distributed in every room and vehicle. Just the high profile of their accessibility keeps the kids in line.

It is a horrible thing in our day. We choose to whip or spank kids so they obey. God is not spanking us, as adults, but people reject common sense. I was spanked as a child. Do I remember the offense??? NO..I remember how traumitized I was and began counting the days till I would graduate-from when I was in 6th grade…I have NO contact with my parents and would NOT subject my precious children to that type of “punishment” or “biblical parenting discipline” I am a christian and children’s author and pray that our country does indeed move forward with the NO-Spanking laws so people are forced to use their brain not their hand or another object…God gave us brains to use not just hands..Children are a gift from God..the Bible states..So is this how you take care of your gifts????
FYI-Christmas and Easter are NOT christian holidays and yet because people put Christ into them, they celebrate them and okay it…You cant justify one without the other…Praying your kids will see the love of Christ in people who show grace as Christ does for us. Hannah, children’s author and speaker..

You stated that the issue is not spanking in a blog above; “To spank or not to spank–that really isn’t the question.” but yet so much of your focus is on dismanteling the No Greater Joy organization that is portraying thier conviction on childrearing regarding the spanking issue. Tulip girl, you might be better suited to not judge your chirstian neighbor and let God judge them if they are in error. I have found it detrimental to the Body of Christ when factions occur and back biting is done regarding biblical interpretataions.

It is sad that in Christian circles we bash each other. Mike and Debi Pearl are precious, loving people who now have precious children and precious grandchildren changing the world to make it a healthier, happier, more loving, more Christ-like place. Now a few “educated” folks wish to pick on them simply because the Pearls may not have any formal education and rely heavily on the Word of God to relate to training children. If you have an overzealous spanking mother, it’d be better to gain control of yourself than to discipline your chidren, but to blame the Pearls because a woman abused her son when she clearly did not follow instructions in their books is really hitting below the belt.

Jen (the first, *grin*),

Honestly, spanking or not spanking is NOT the issue. The issue IS, as in the comment above, how do we live out the Gospel in our family relationships?

I have never focused on “dismantling” NGJ. In fact, I’ve mentioned the Pearls relatively infrequently here. . . In about 1500 posts over 4+ years, I’ve blogged on the Pearls about a dozen times. A few of those times were even reposts!

As a Christian, it is my responsibility before the Lord to examine the teachings I hear, from whatever source. Shouldn’t we be doing that with all teachings? Holding them up to the light of Scripture and judging whether they are consistent with God’s revealed truth in the Bible?

As I have shared (and I encourage you to peruse the links in the opening post) I have serious concerns about their teachings, both theologically and practically.

This isn’t an issue of “backbiting” or “factions” or even spanking. . . this IS an issue of encouraging one another to be true to the Gospel of Jesus Christ and being careful in our study of Scripture.

Jen (the other one!)

Questioning the veracity of one man’s teaching is in no way “taking away the freedoms that our fore fathers fought for. . .”

(Though, I am aware that NGJ did use the fear tactic of “taking away freedoms” when they encouraged people to comment here and on other sites.)

I find it interesting that you bring up the how some people have “anger issues.” Others have alcohol issues. Or were abused in the past. You are right that sins from our past (or present) can make parents more vulnerable in crossing the line from discipline to abuse. Personally, I believe that the Pearls and all parents who advocate their parenting materials would be wise to read this article on Avoiding Millstones.

Connie, welcome to the discussion here! It’s been pretty lively on some threads.

Can you explain why it is ok for you to criticize Tulipgirl but not ok for her to critique the Pearls’ teachings?

It seems like you are doing to Tulipgirl the very thing you don’t want HER to do.

In actual fact, Scripture teaches us to reason together, and to examine teachings that come along to see if they are true. We are to reject teachings that do not comport with the gospel of Christ.

A. W. Tozer wrote some encouragement about this:

“Many tender-minded Christians fear to sin against love by daring to inquire into anything that comes wearing the cloak of Christianity and breathing the name of Jesus. They dare not examine the credentials of the latest prophet to hit their town lest they be guilty of rejecting something which may be of God. They timidly remember how the Pharisees refused to accept Christ when He came, and they do not want to be caught in the same snare, so they either reserve judgment or shut their eyes and accept everything without question. This is supposed to indicate a high degree of spirituality. But in sober fact it indicates no such thing. It may indeed be evidence of the absence of the Holy Spirit.

Gullibility is not synonymous with spirituality. Faith is not a mental habit leading its possessor to open his mouth and swallow everything that has about it the color of the supernatural. Faith keeps its heart open to whatever is of God, and rejects everything that is not of God, however wonderful it may be. Try the spirits is a command of the Holy Spirit to the Church. We may sin as certainly by approving the spurious as by rejecting the genuine. And the current habit of refusing to take sides is not the way to avoid the question. To appraise things with a heart of love and then to act on the results is an obligation resting upon every Christian in the world. And the more as we see the day approaching.”

Yes, this does sometimes put good and faithful Christians at odds. But we can reason together in a way that is not harsh and does not tear one another down. What we can’t do–mustn’t do, is feel that something is quite wrong, and say nothing.

[...] What’s the Fuss About Michael and Debi Pearl? [...]

[...] A thoughtful critique from Tulipgirl, written in 2006 but still quite relevant, and with links to useful resources. Her reaction to the latest tragedy is here. [...]