More on Michael and Debi Pearl
Posted by TulipGirl | Under Nurturing Children, Pearls / TTUAC / NGJ Sunday Apr 30, 2006Meggan Judge, a mother in Alaska, wishes someone had stopped her from following Pearl’s instruction sooner.
“Thirty times a day, I was striking my son. He wasn’t even 2 years old,” Judge said. “I kept waiting: Where is this joy we were promised?’”
She slowly gave up Pearl’s methods three years ago after locking her son in his room one afternoon for fear that she would hurt him.
Years later, hearing of Lynn Paddock’s story, Judge knows she’s lucky. She suspects she could have been driven to such lengths if she hadn’t met a community of other Christian mothers on the Internet who urged her to abandon Pearl’s teachings.
“Without a doubt, I know I would have been capable of that,” Judge said. “Anyone who says they wouldn’t is a liar. I never knew I had anger issues until I started using his methods.”
The NC News Observer has a feature on Michael and Debi Pearl, written by Mandy Locke, the reporter who has followed the Sean Paddock abuse/murder situation from the beginning.
While the Pearls declined to be interviewed, Mandy Locke has been very fair–and at times sympathetic–to them. Michael Pearl is the “a towering, rugged man with a fuzzy white beard that mesmerizes children.” However, the article does go into some points of concern about the Pearls’ teachings.
For further reading, I recommend the following resources.
Here at TulipGirl:
On the Pearls and Parenting
Pearls Po-Russki
Biblical Relationships or Behaviourism
Children, Good and Grown
Offsite:
On Perfectionism and the Pearls
A Switch or a Cross?
Authoritarianism and Isolationism Among Us (small type, worth the effort of reading)
The Pearls: The Basics, On Original Sin
To Train Up A Child Review
TTUAC: One Family’s Experiences
Another Family’s Experience
Chapter-by-Chapter Review of TTUAC
Avoiding Millstones
TTUAC Short Review
I just mentioned the Pearls on my blog. I found 2 copies of To Train Up a Child at a thrift store and bought them - so I could read them, review them, and then burn them gleefully.
It’s a tiny book, but I can only read it in small doses. Makes my heart hurt.
That article had me in tears. What is *wrong* with people?
I just wanted to thank you for these resources. I have read Created to be His Helpmeet almost all the way through and i did enjoy it…….but I would love to read these before I ever finished it or picked up To Train up a Child. I tend to be a little bit gullable when others recomend books so I have come to a place where I realize that I need to be more critical in my reading and be sure to sift everything through the scriptures before I accept them as truth. I love your blog.
Kelli
“By Pearl’s math, one-sixth of the nation’s estimated 3 million home-schooling families use his training methods.”
Hmmm… Lots of work to do, eh?
Where is the common sense in any of these reports? I’ve read several that you’ve posted on Ezzo and the Pearls and AP. From what I understand from my own reading of these ‘methods’, all are flawed- some more than others- but they all have a few solid things to say. Why are the parents in the testimonials so unable to isolate the good from the bad and use plain common sense?
Perhaps they weren’t brought up in a Christian home and so feel distrustful of what their own sense of how to raise their child is telling them. We may never know.
I have to admit that even though I’ve always thought the Pearls were pretty kooky, I’ve not been as alarmed about them as I think I should have been. I now feel responsible to warn people about them and their teachings. Thanks for all of the info.
I am a little confused. I’ve read the Pearl’s books and think they are definately a little extreme for my tastes. Especially the part where they tell you to basically set traps for your children to disobey so you can test them and spank them. Hello! Nothing like causing you kids to stumble. Plus, that just seems a little warped and even abusive.
But let me get this straight. So it’s the Pearl’s fault this lady beat and suffocated her kid? It’s their fault she didn’t have the sense to know when to stop?
She even said it herself. She had an anger problem that she didn’t know about that their methods brought out. I know that she’s probably dying inside from what happened and trying to figure out where she went wrong, but the Pearl’s are not to blame. She is responsible for her own actions.
Too often we shun responsibility because we don’t want to face and admit that sin resides in us. I experienced this in my family through alcoholism. It was relegated to a disease, so the person never had to take responsibilty for the mess they made. It wasn’t really them. It was the diseases fault.
I am a selfish, flawed, and sinful individual. Embracing this helps me to maintain balance and face my issues realistically, and take responsibilty for my actions. I never want to forget the extremes I am capable of as Jesus warned when he related anger in the heart being equal to murder.
Don’t get me wrong, I am sorry for this mother’s loss, for sure. But she is to balme here.
i certainly accept the blame for the abusive actions i used on my son. however, i was assured in this book it was not abuse, and in fact, to hide it from people who wouldnt understand.
i sickens me to think i used to urge my friends to read this book. this article is a small way to fix that.
Hi, Jason!
“Especially the part where they tell you to basically set traps for your children to disobey so you can test them and spank them. Hello! Nothing like causing you kids to stumble. Plus, that just seems a little warped and even abusive.”
I agree. I think you’d be interested in reading this about bearing one another’s burderns rather than tempting our children to sin.
“So it’s the Pearl’s fault this lady beat and suffocated her kid? It’s their fault she didn’t have the sense to know when to stop? . . . but the Pearl’s are not to blame. She is responsible for her own actions.
“
I don’t have any problem with having the mother involved bear full responsibility for her actions, while at the same time calling the Pearls to take responsibility for their words and actions.
I fervently wish that the Pearls and, honestly, anyone within the Christian community who talks or teaches about parenting, would read this article:
Avoiding Millstones.
Btw, Jason, welcome!
“Why are the parents in the testimonials so unable to isolate the good from the bad and use plain common sense?”
I think this is a very good question, Marion. Why do you think?
The patterns I’ve seen are parents who are truly devoted to their children and want to do everything “right.” The Pearls, in essense, promise “be consistent with swatting a few times when they are little and our kids will be perfect when they are older.” That is appealing to a lot of parents.
And when their kids aren’t perfect, the Pearls blame the parents–you aren’t being consistent enough. The remedy? Swat more often, for every little infraction, show them who is boss, ambush them, etc.
And from highly motivated, active parents, it is very easy to cross the line to abuse at that point. Even among loving, well-intentioned, Christian parents.
I think Ann’s post has a lot to say about how easy it is for “normal” Christian parents to cross the “common sense” barrier.
this group really scares me. i just came across them recently. why do these christiam groups always beat up their kids and take a pass on themselves who they consider the real sinners. i wish there was a god and justice to punish these people eventually. right now we have only the laws of man and i hope something can be done to stop these maniacs.
[...] More on Michael and Debi Pearl [...]
The Bible says in one of Peter’s letters that some of Paul’s writings are hard to understand, which ignorant and unstable people distort. I want to submit to the readership that I believe that Michael Pearl’s writings are easily distorted, and that if we all did our homework a bit more thoroughly, we would see the balance represented by the Pearl’s perspective, as well as the biblically sound reasoning represented in their writings. How is it that you deny the writings in Proverbs regarding training children with the rod? Do you deny the rest of the Word of God as well, or just what you don’t want to believe? You can’t tell me that you don’t believe that God chastises his own children in love- we would then be “illegitimate sons”! (Hebrews)
Amen to Sensible! What more needs to be said?
Jason and Sensible are right on it! No kidding, I have to question what some of these ladies truly understand. Training is something that is done in love, understanding as God says that all this is done to “spare” our children. I know for a fact that I too have been “chastened” of the Lord! It’s never easy and sometimes quite painful. But I count it a joy for I know that He means it all for good!
Job 23:10b [when] he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.
Job 5:7 Behold, happy [is] the man whom God correcteth: therefore despise not thou the chastening of the Almighty:
Heb. 12:5 And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:
Heb. 12:7 If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?
Heb. 12:11 Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.
God clearly compares dualy how our chasting should be unto our children as He does unto us. Why is that so hard to see Tulip if you are reading the word of God as you say?
Perharps its your “translation.”
Sensible, Jen and Adee,
I’m thankful that you’ve come to engage in discussion with us. I hope that we can all be edified.
Of course, it is reasonable to question whether or not I take Scripture seriously, or look to the Bible alone as my rule for faith and practice. After all, you don’t “know” me yet. (And most likely, your introduction to me was through Michael Pearl’s colorful adjectives that were none too flattering!)
You can either go with your current assumption that I “deny. . . the Word of God,” or you can accept my assertion that I do not. . . or you can stick around, dialogue with me and other mothers here, and test for yourself whether careful teaching from the Bible is upheld here.
Related to this, I invite you to join the conversation about the sound and careful understanding and application of the Bible.
Grace and peace,
TulipGirl
Hello again Tulip,
Actually, my perception of you has come from my reading this blog of yours. I visited your site out of curiosity yes, on “tip-off” from the Pearls. But I actually did not read anything favoring you or not on behalf of “Mike.”
I draw my own conclusions based on what I believe and understand as truth, not what saith Mike Pearl.
So I am curious, what is your stand on child rearing and discipline? if not as the Bible instructs?
Because of Jesus,
Adee
So I am curious, what is your stand on child rearing and discipline? if not as the Bible instructs?
As stated before, I turn to Scripture as the rule for “faith and practice” and you are mistaken to assume that I do not.
A very brief summary of what I find to be Biblical parenting would include that parents are responsible before the Lord to disciple their children.
As I’ve said elsewhere, My goal is to help my children become the people God has created them to be, with an emphasis on a reliance upon God’s grace for daily living. I want to help them learn to recognize their sin and turn to God in repentance. I want to model for them what it looks like to lean into God when we are struggling.
I’d encourage you to browse through the categories you see on the right-hand column, especially Nurturing Children and Mommy-Inspiration Files.
Specific posts which you may find encouraging include:
Biblical Relationships or Behaviourism
Charles Hodge and Parenting
Restoring Gently and Carrying Burdens
The Perfect Family
Grace and peace,
Thank you for your continued dialouge Tulip. I have read through some of those links and find no “specifics” on correction for wrong doing. You have failed to answer my question: “What do you make of God’s say on verses such as Prov. 23: 13-14 Withhold not correction from the child: for [if] thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
What does this say to you personally?
Still wondering,
Adee
Keep reading! *grin* (And I’m off to bed. . .)
[...] July/August 2008 issue published by Michael and Debi Pearl. All those new visitors who have commented on various threads so far will be entered into the drawing — and those who comment on this [...]