TulipGirl

Thanks for linking to me! I love that nighttime subject. Kinda love talking about it more than the actual night wakings, but … :)

Anyhow, thanks also for the encouragement that eventually my boys will help in the cleaning efforts. I’d love to hear how and when you suggest incorporating that – without whining and dragging of feet (and face).

I co-slept with my daughter the first couple of months (before she started really crawling) and it helped me get ALOT more sleep. I was always disturbed by this idea that all babies HAVE to sleep through the night by 2 months even if it means letting them cry their eyes out. I had friends that would pride themselves in the fact that their 3 month old slept 12 hours straight. But then they’d all tell me “you have to sleep train her” and I never could.

My daughter started sleeping 10+ hour stretches at around a year, but she did it all on her own. A good friend of mine said that it is GOOD for a young baby to not sleep long stretches. First of all, it lets you know that your baby is ok (not having to worry about SIDS) and your baby needs the night feedings.

I’ve seen many moms wrack their brains over their 4 month old waking up in the middle of the night. It’s strange how much of an expectation having your young infant sleep long stretches has become in our culture.

You know, I read all three posts and comments on co-sleeping, and have to admit that at least one point bothers me as a Christian mother. Why do we compare our nursing to that of other mammal, particularly monkeys? Do we learn about other things, like morality or pickling bugs from their babies’ heads? I hope not. We accept the idea of an Intelligent Designer in everything else, so why do we look to Darwinists when it comes to nursing/teaching our kids to sleep? Don’t take me wrong, my second child slept ON ME for the first 8 months of his life and I enjoyed it, until he grew to be 20 pounds and I thought I was not going to last another night. (by the way, when we put him in his crib, he cried about 30 minutes the first night and that was it, he started sleeping soundly until 4-5 in the morning) Another thing, many people say historically babies always co-slept and nursed on demand. First, never before in history did people have enough rooms to put their kids to sleep in and central heat to keep them warm. In the Middle ages co-sleeping was the way of survival. It doesn’t mean that was good. Also, even then people had a lot of kids as they had no birth control, I don’t think they kept all then of them (or however many :) in their bed at the same time, I am sure they put them in beds two or more in one bed to keep themselves warm. Wouldn’t you agree? I have a hard time understanding the pressures of complying with this culture because I can always say that this is how they did it in mine so it has to be the right way :) :) just smile and walk away and never think of it again :) seriously, I don’t care what people say when it comes to my babies, I always though that I am the mother so I know best :) On a more serious note, I don’t see why a healthy 9-11 month old can’t sleep in their own bed for a considerable stretch of time, we give our children tough love in other aspects for their own benefit, shouldn’t we be consistent in all areas of life when it is for their good? (again, I see the skill to soothe themselves at night and get good rest as a positive skill, don’t you? And yes, as ANY skill it needs to be taught, you don’t expect your 3 y.o. to pick up a book and start reading without teaching them, do you? Anyway, I am rambling :) I know most of you moms will probably call me a heartless and cold mother, but believe me, sleep training gave us all an ability to function and improved our relationships.

Olya,

You are not a “heartless and cold mother” by any means. I co-slept with my daughter for about 4 months and then she was rolling and crawling so much that I couldn’t sleep in the same bed with her. She scared me every night so we decided that the crib was the better option from then on.

As for when and how long children should sleep throughout the night, I think that setting a time guideline of when ALL babies should sleep throughout the night is where you get trouble. Some will sleep 10+ hr stretches at 6 months just by themselves while others won’t do that until around 18 months (or even longer). Every child is different and we can’t expect ALL children to be sleeping the same amount, in the same way, with the same stretches.

I agree, God did give us brain and ability to study an understand some laws that apply to His creation but it doesn’t mean we should take what we learn and apply it directly to ourselves and our babies. For example, lake many animals, most people eat meat, and some hunt to get it. But does it ,mean that we should look at tigers and say ‘hey, they don’t cook their meat, they eat it raw, maybe we should do likewise’ No, we cook it and sit at the table and use that time for socializing not just devouring meat as fast as we can. So it goes for our children. We do need to take care of their nutritional needs and the need to be comforted. But they are born with as soul and that soul starts learning as soon as it appears. As adults in life our needs aren’t always met immediately, we sometimes need to wait and we don’t always get to eat the foods we want the second we want them. So is it wrong to train our kids to wait a few minutes before giving them what they want if there are other immediate things we need to take care of (like, helping an older child in the bathroom before feeding the baby?) I do not say we shouldn’t feed our babies at night and I always fed mine on demand, but there’s nothing wrong with a reasonable schedule, I don’t think. Also, when it comes to nursing past a year old, there’s little nutritional value in that since the children learn to eat a variety of foods and most of their nutrition comes from that, not their mother’s milk. Most people still nurse for comfort, not nutrition. To me, it is reasonable to try and teach my kids to learn to soothe themselves using other tools, like a blanket or a doll. They will be forced to learn that sooner or later and the sooner it is the easier the transition (at least in my experience) I do believe in nursing until they are a year old. My baby weaned himself at about ten months and there was nothing I could do to make him nurse when he didn’t want to, I simply lost my milk supply. Many Christian mothers disagree with me because they think they are denying their children comfort. I don’t think so. You can still comfort them and develop a strong relationship with them without nursing (my kids are a strong example of that)

Olya, it appears to me that you have arrived at what works for your family through trusting your own instincts and your kids’ cues, rather than doing one thing or another because someone told you it “should” be done that way. That’s a beautiful thing.

When my son was tiny we tried the pack n play at the foot of the bed until he was about 3 mo old, when he was big enough that it was more comfortable for me to fall asleep while nursing him. After that I had many fewer problems with getting enough rest; it was wonderful, especially with going back to work part time. I don’t remember when we started sleep training–I’ve gone so gradually for the most part that it has sort of flowed into a more regular structure. Except when I put the smack down recently as a result of his beginning to kick in bed. Kicking IN mommy’s tummy–sweet and precious. Kicking ON mommy’s tummy–into his own bed!

It’s interesting–a good friend of mine is all for the co-sleeping, has a co-sleeper and everything, and her son ended up sleeping on his own pretty much from day one. Meanwhile I was uncertain about it, and we ended up being the all-in-one-bed family and still are but to a lesser extent (sorry about the long comment–I should blog more about this on mine).

I should’ve snagged that co-sleeper from her when I could. ;)

Hi! I’ve found much encouragement through your blog but have failed to leave a comment until now. This is a little late, but I have to say that it makes me so happy to see posts about nighttime parenting!

I have a 12-month-old daughter who has never slept through the night. She nurses 2-3 times each night still, although we do not co-sleep. (we don’t oppose it – my daughter just could never go to sleep in our bed)

My plan was to have a baby who happily slept through the night by 12 weeks, but I discovered early on that my daughter was not going to be a “good” sleeper. I struggled with guilt and many times wondered if I just had a “bad” baby because she simply did not sleep by day or night. Despite that fact, I felt in my heart that this child needed above-average nurturing and did not need to be left alone to cry it out. I purposed myself to be a 24-hour parent, and decided to meet her needs by day and night. I nursed on cue, and discovered that breastfeeding is about much more than nutrition. It is not simply a way of feeding your child, it’s a way of mothering.

I could go on and on, but mostly I want to say that nighttime parenting is not simply about meeting your child’s needs – there are rewards there for you as a mother and a person too if you are willing to open your heart to go beyond what is convenient or even comfortable. As I have met my daughter’s needs, I have seen her blossom into one of the most gentle, sweet, and loving babies I’ve ever encountered. I see the rewards in her, and I see them in myself as God uses the challenges of mothering to refine my heart and soul. I have not had a lot of support in the “real” world besides my husband. If it were not for the abundance of Christian blogging mothers who do things differently – women I don’t even know – I’m not sure I would have had the confidence to look outside the societal norm in my mothering.

Sorry to leave such a long comment! I hope it encourages you to continue to write about the things you do!