I have a 12-month-old daughter who has never slept through the night. She nurses 2-3 times each night still, although we do not co-sleep. (we don’t oppose it – my daughter just could never go to sleep in our bed)

My plan was to have a baby who happily slept through the night by 12 weeks, but I discovered early on that my daughter was not going to be a “good” sleeper. I struggled with guilt and many times wondered if I just had a “bad” baby because she simply did not sleep by day or night. Despite that fact, I felt in my heart that this child needed above-average nurturing and did not need to be left alone to cry it out. I purposed myself to be a 24-hour parent, and decided to meet her needs by day and night. I nursed on cue, and discovered that breastfeeding is about much more than nutrition. It is not simply a way of feeding your child, it’s a way of mothering.

I could go on and on, but mostly I want to say that nighttime parenting is not simply about meeting your child’s needs – there are rewards there for you as a mother and a person too if you are willing to open your heart to go beyond what is convenient or even comfortable. As I have met my daughter’s needs, I have seen her blossom into one of the most gentle, sweet, and loving babies I’ve ever encountered. I see the rewards in her, and I see them in myself as God uses the challenges of mothering to refine my heart and soul. I have not had a lot of support in the “real” world besides my husband. If it were not for the abundance of Christian blogging mothers who do things differently – women I don’t even know – I’m not sure I would have had the confidence to look outside the societal norm in my mothering.

Sorry to leave such a long comment! I hope it encourages you to continue to write about the things you do!

Thank you so much for linking to all of this.

When my son was tiny we tried the pack n play at the foot of the bed until he was about 3 mo old, when he was big enough that it was more comfortable for me to fall asleep while nursing him. After that I had many fewer problems with getting enough rest; it was wonderful, especially with going back to work part time. I don’t remember when we started sleep training–I’ve gone so gradually for the most part that it has sort of flowed into a more regular structure. Except when I put the smack down recently as a result of his beginning to kick in bed. Kicking IN mommy’s tummy–sweet and precious. Kicking ON mommy’s tummy–into his own bed!

It’s interesting–a good friend of mine is all for the co-sleeping, has a co-sleeper and everything, and her son ended up sleeping on his own pretty much from day one. Meanwhile I was uncertain about it, and we ended up being the all-in-one-bed family and still are but to a lesser extent (sorry about the long comment–I should blog more about this on mine).

I should’ve snagged that co-sleeper from her when I could.

You know that I come from a very similar point of view. God is the Creator–we are not simply mammals. He has an amazing design, and we are made in His image.

Many people do not look to God as Creator, but still study His creation. We can learn about God’s amazing design from the research of scientists who do not (yet) acknowledge God. This is more easily done when the research is descriptive, and needs more discernment when the research is predictive or is putting forth theories. While we are not simply mammals, we are mammals (with mammary glands! *L*) Some of the descriptive research on mammals can help us step back and see biological design and see what can (and cannot) be applied to our understanding of human growth and development. I find that McKenna’s research is helpful–but like you point out, we need to be careful.

Don’t take me wrong, my second child slept ON ME for the first 8 months of his life and I enjoyed it, until he grew to be 20 pounds and I thought I was not going to last another night. (by the way, when we put him in his crib, he cried about 30 minutes the first night and that was it, he started sleeping soundly until 4-5 in the morning)

I really liked the fourth part of the series Carole wrote about acceptance and diversity in co-sleeping. I don’t believe every family has to embrace the “family bed.” I don’t think that “co-sleeping” is going to look the same for every family, or even for every child in the family. However, I do strongly believe that the nighttime needs of infants and children are important, and much of our culture (and sadly even the Christian subculture) dismisses that. Similarly, I believe that good sleep is a nighttime need of parents and children. I’m all for helping children learn good sleep hygiene and developing rhythms and rituals that help infants and children sleep.

You are not a “heartless and cold mother” by any means. I co-slept with my daughter for about 4 months and then she was rolling and crawling so much that I couldn’t sleep in the same bed with her. She scared me every night so we decided that the crib was the better option from then on.

As for when and how long children should sleep throughout the night, I think that setting a time guideline of when ALL babies should sleep throughout the night is where you get trouble. Some will sleep 10+ hr stretches at 6 months just by themselves while others won’t do that until around 18 months (or even longer). Every child is different and we can’t expect ALL children to be sleeping the same amount, in the same way, with the same stretches.

We had plenty of sleep and rest, even with the night nursings with the younger ones. But with the older ones, when I expected them to “sleep through the night,” I felt mush less rested if I needed to get up to attend to them at night.

When I realized how fast my babies were growing–how fast their brain was developing!–it made sense that they’d need at get at least SOME calories at night. With my youngest two, I didn’t nightwean until they were completely weaned–which of course, meant a nighttime feeding. But, their sleep was consistent and we both got plenty of it. Like you said, so much is about expectations.

My daughter started sleeping 10+ hour stretches at around a year, but she did it all on her own. A good friend of mine said that it is GOOD for a young baby to not sleep long stretches. First of all, it lets you know that your baby is ok (not having to worry about SIDS) and your baby needs the night feedings.

I’ve seen many moms wrack their brains over their 4 month old waking up in the middle of the night. It’s strange how much of an expectation having your young infant sleep long stretches has become in our culture.

And on kids and cleaning. . . I don’t have any magic formulas. Just the day-in-day-out routines of living help them get used to contributing.

Anyhow, thanks also for the encouragement that eventually my boys will help in the cleaning efforts. I’d love to hear how and when you suggest incorporating that – without whining and dragging of feet (and face).