TulipGirl

In a few weeks days, our family will be heading out for a family roadtrip!

The boys were great travelers as little ones — we made countless long trips in the minivan. But in Ukraine we were free of a vehicle, and the trips we took were overnight by train. Lots of fun, but a totally different experience.

Last fall we went up the east coast to Pennsylvania (and took a midnight tour of D.C.) and had a wonderful time. However, we’ll be taking the mother-of-all-roadtrips this fall — driving east to west, not quite to the west coast. We’re all really looking forward to it, but I’m realistic enough to know we’ll likely have a few bumps in the road and in our relating to one another as we drive across long, hot, flat expanse of west Texas.

Plus, the boys are older now. . . Older and bigger and sometimes feel cramped in the back of the minivan. We’re stocked up on snacks, books, dictionary and hymnal (you’d be amazed at how often a dictionary comes in handy on the road!), sketchbooks and audio books.

Any ideas or advice or great road trip stories to share?

The contents of parenting materials by Gary Ezzo have changed significantly through the years. This article gives a glimpse of that, as well as explains why there are many who are still concerned about these teachings.

.

This post is part of the Ezzo Week(end) 2008 series, raising awareness about the concerns with the parenting “philosophy” promoted by Gary Ezzo.

More mommy-inspiration to share — this time focused on the toddler years. One of the things that has helped me most with my toddlers and preschoolers is understanding child development. These links are ones that have encouraged me as well as helped me understand my little disciples.

.

Problem Children / You’ve Got to be Kidding!: Practical ideas for encouraging strong sibling bonds, especially when a new baby is coming.

.

Zero to Three: This site focuses on child development through the first three years, especially brain development. When I understood brain myelination, it made sense why sometimes my bright toddlers could respond quickly to my instructions and other times were slower to respond. It wasn’t an issue of “obedience” but rather the way their developing brains could sometimes quickly convey messages and other times be slow.

.

Parenting Freedom – Attachment Through the Years: “We believe the parent/child attachment is parallel to God’s relationship with us. Does it make sense that the more time we spend in prayer, in study of the Scriptures, and in fellowship with God’s family, the easier it is to do what is “right”? The closer the bond, the less room for sin. The parent/child relationship is more important than all the parenting skills in the world.”

.

Restoring Gently and Carrying Burdens: “What does “restoring gently” look like? Luther explains, “when they see that those persons are sorrowful for their offenses, they should begin to raise them up again, to comfort them, and to mitigate their faults as much as they can—yet through mercy only, which they must set against sin, lest those who have fallen are swallowed up with depression.” And “. . .gently, and not in the zeal of severe justice.””

.

Discipline Ideas for Toddlers: Some practical ideas for the nitty-gritty situations we and our toddlers face.

.

Recommended Reading: A review of books that many mothers find helpful. Read with discernment.

.

Potty Training: Rebecca writes one of the most common-sensical articles about potty-training. Mine were all past that stage when I read this, but it’s realistic and low-key — which is what we need when we have toddlers who are ready for big boy skivvies!

.

This post is part of the Ezzo Week(end) 2008 series, raising awareness about the concerns with the parenting “philosophy” promoted by Gary Ezzo.

One of the things that I’ve benefited from most as a mother, is the mommy-inspiration that has been shared with me from others –those who understand the joys and struggles of motherhood and share their wisdom with me. Let me share with you these bits of mommy-inspiration that are found online. While I’ve highlighted a quote from each, I encourage you to click through each link.

.

Mothering in the Shadow of the Cross: “A friend of my parents held his little boy in his arms as we discussed new parenthood. He was telling me that one of the biggest shockers for him, the unexpected part of being a father, was that it gave him a better glimpse of the Fatherhood of God. “I’m beginning to understand, on a deeper level, the love of God,” he said. “It’s one of the most wonderful things about having a baby.”"

.

Breastfeeding and Brand New Moms: “. . .to quote Churchill “nevah, evah give up”. I think the advice about just sitting and being is excellent. It takes time to get going. E– didn’t latch well for almost two months, because he was born early and little. Sometimes it would take an hour of on and off and on and off, and a short break, and then another feeding. Starting b’feeding takes perseverance, so my piece of advice is line up your cheerleader(s)! If my mom hadn’t been there from the beginning to be my cheerleader I probably would’ve naively given him a bottle thinking that he would never latch on. But my mom was right, just keep trying and he’ll get it.”

.

Mother to Mother: “Can a woman forget her nursing child?” the Scripture asks, rhetorically. The lovely, poetic passage goes on to portray God’s care for “Jerusalem” as being even more reliable than a nursing mother to her baby, an axiom of attentive care. Yet “Yes, even these may forget, but I will never forget you, I have graven you on the palms of my hands“ The physicality of the connection is a nice bit of poetry, even more so because it resonates with a nursing mother’s experience: her baby, too, is in a sense “graven” on her body, her breasts continually remind her of the baby’s presence and need.

.

Martin Luther, for Fathers and Mothers: “Now observe that when that clever harlot, our natural reason… , takes a look at married life, she turns up her nose and says, “Alas, must I rock the baby, wash its diapers, make its bed, smell its stench, stay up nights with it, take care of it when it cries, heal its rashes and sores… ? What then does Christian faith say to this? It opens its eyes, looks upon all these insignificant, distasteful, and despised duties in the Spirit, and is aware that they are all adorned with divine approval as with the costliest gold and jewels.”

.

This post is part of the Ezzo Week(end) 2008 series, raising awareness about the concerns with the parenting “philosophy” promoted by Gary Ezzo.

The GFI National Conference is now well under way. We believe and have experienced how the Lord is both over all and close at hand, and how He uses prayer. And so we ask you to join with us in prayer for the parents and teachers involved with the conference and with Ezzo parenting.

Pray that Christ will be preached.

Pray for Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo.

Pray for the conference attendees.

Pray for wisdom and discernment.

Pray that parents who do use the material will seek balance.

Pray for reconciliation for the Ezzo family.

.

This post is part of the Ezzo Week(end) 2008 series, raising awareness about the concerns with the parenting “philosophy” promoted by Gary Ezzo.

What — did you think we’d miss it?! It’s that time of year again for the annual Ezzo Week 2008 blog-a-thon!

As always, Ezzo Week here corresponds with Gary Ezzo’s Growing Families International National Conference slash Leadership and Parenting Symposium. This year the conference will be held in Louisville, KY, from July 18th through July 19th, 2008.

While this annual event will be somewhat abridged this year, we still encourage you to join in! Blog about your own Ezzo experiences, chime in here, or join the conversation over at the AwareParent discussion board.

Why do we do this?

It’s not about blaming parents.

It is about Gospel-focused parenting, freedom in parenting, and encouraging mothers and fathers.

.

Ezzo Week in the archives:
Ezzo Week 2004 Announcement
Ezzo Week 2005 Announcement
Ezzo Week 2006 Announcement
Ezzo Week 2007 Announcement
Ezzo Week 2008 Announcement

.

This post is part of the Ezzo Week(end) 2008 series, raising awareness about the concerns with the parenting “philosophy” promoted by Gary Ezzo.

“On the cross Christ paid the debt for every selfish desire, thought, word, or deed to which you will ever give yourself. You no longer have to be afraid to own up to your selfishness. You do not have to whitewash your thoughts and motives. You do not have to cover your sin by blaming others or by self-atoning logic. You do not have to give yourself to acts of penance (self-atonement) that make you feel better about yourself. You do not have to search for biblical passages that will give ease to your conscience. No, your debt has been fully paid. Your punishment has been borne by Another. There is One who has taken your place and been condemned instead of you. Paul says, ‘He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross’ (Colossians 2:13b-14). As God’s child, you have been forgiven for every act of self-focused independence and rebellion. –Paul David Tripp”

As quoted by Ukrainiac

Doesn’t that just cause your heart to sing aloud?

Why don’t you re-read it? Such joy in that truth. . .

Today’s sermon was about forgiveness, and drew from the parable of the unforgiving servant. I was rocking babies in the nursery, so I didn’t hear it. But my children relayed it to me in such detail — I know they grasped the meaning.

And this reminds me of some conversations we’ve been having here about how we relate to our children. . .

We have been forgiven ten-thousand years of sin and guilt. As we are reminded above, the debt has been completely paid by Christ. We don’t have to whitewash or excuse or self-atone for our sins. Christ has done it all. Fully.

How can we who have been forgiven much fail to convey that forgiveness to our children? How can we point to any actions of ours or theirs to cover their sins? Why do we hesitate to tell our children the Good News? “Your punishment has been borne by Another. There is One who has taken your place and been condemned instead of you. . . . As God’s child, you have been forgiven for every act of self-focused independence and rebellion.”

The Gospel is so simple. So profound.

I know several mothers are visiting here this week to discuss Biblical parenting. This is my daily prayer as a mother:

“Lord, remind me of the truth of the Gospel. Remind me of Christ’s atonement and how great a debt I have been forgiven. Keep me dependent upon You. Help me in each moment to point my children to the truth of the Gospel. Help us understand that the sin in our lives today has already been atoned for on the cross. Help me and my boys to turn to you in repentance each day, relying upon You alone in all things. Amen.”

NGJ Magazine encouraged its followers to comment on how Pearl parenting is working for them on various websites including this one. I couldn’t let the following story get lost in the comments, especially as I know this family and have seen through the years God’s amazing healing in part of the family (as well as the continued struggling in other parts of the family.)

Thank you for sharing with such transparency, Jo.

QUOTE:

“You want to talk fruits of a parenting? Let’s compare and contrast myself with…oh MY PARENTS. My mother is a faithful and avid reader of NGJ. She adores the Pearls and when I first became a mother made it very clear that to be a good mother I needed to adhere to their methods as well.

“While I was not raised specifically by TTUAC because it was not yet written, I was raised in that same method, in that same Christian culture and my mother certainly does adhere to TTUAC methods with the 5 she is currently raising.

“So, let’s see. Mom has 3 adult children and 1 on the verge with which to judge her parenting. Oh but wait, she doesn’t speak to her adult children anymore. We’re too dysfunctional and of this world now for her to have time for. And, for our own part, we happen to believe she should have been locked up for her selfish parenting and her child abuse…oh, that’s right, the Pearls call it Biblical parenting. My sister’s therapist recently called it battery acid. I thought that was a good description.

“So, my mother has 3 thriving healthy adult children whom she has no contact with whatsoever. She has 8 (with a 9th on the way) grandchildren, all of which she is forbidden to have any contact with. Her 17 year old is desperately waiting to finish high school next year so he can get out of her house and has NO intention of speaking to her once he leaves. Her 14 year old hates her and tells me this via emails when she gets a chance. Her 12 year old…well, he’s attempted to run away repeatedly now. Verdict is still out on the 11 and 10 year olds. But, to be quite honest, that’s not a track record I would want for my parenting of 8 children. At least 5 either have no contact or openly state they will have no contact once they are old enough to leave her home.

“Good, Pearl Biblical parenting at work for you, ladies. I lived it. I should know.

“Meanwhile, I subscribe to a gentler, more loving parenting style. I prefer to parent as if Jesus were actively watching me and actively reminding me that I must be like a child to enter the Kingdom myself.

“My children are amazing. I don’t just say this as a proud mother. My youngest son’s therapist informed me Thursday he’s NEVER met children like mine. Church members weep to see the beauty of my children. Heck, I weep to see the beauty that God has blessed me with in these children.

“Oh, therapist you say. Yes, see my youngest son is still a fosterchild. He has huge demons in his heart and soul still. We’re still fighting. No, we’re not waiting for the countdown until we can spank him. We’re fighting to help him heal.

“And, here is the TRUE mark of my children for you. This week, my son’s therapist told us to give up on him. Told us the cost to save him will be too great for the other children to pay.

“Being good parents, we discussed this with the other children. Afte rall, the fight to save and heal this one will take the largest toll on these children. I honestly expected at least a few of the children to say yes, we must give up.

“They didn’t. And, they had no reason to feel they had to say something *we* expected, because we are honestly weak and fragile and aren’t sure we can help this child heal.

“Nope. My children clearly demonstrated the love of Christ in a way I had forgotten in the trenches with this hurting child. They unanimously told us we MUST carry on. They LOVE him, even though they know he does not love them. And, as far as they are concerned, his life is worth what it will cost them. Furthermore didn’t we, mommy and daddy, remember that this is precisely what Jesus would have us do? This is what Jesus wanted us to do And, no matter how naughty and difficult this child is, Jesus still loves him and we must too.

“I’m not a perfect parent. Far from it, honestly. But, I didn’t spank this fruit of the Spirit into my children. I showed them by example what it means to live a life in the shadow of the Cross. And, they have chosen to find their own path to that Cross and to live a life always conscious of what their Savior would have them do. I didn’t stand and attempt to BE their Savior, as Pearl would tell us we should. I merely allowed my life to be an example to point the way to that Cross. Their Savior found them, each and every one of them, he claimed them and they have chosen to follow HIM, not me, HIM.

“And, unlike Micheal Pearl, when my children went to that Cross to find their Savior, they never found me there telling them I represented their Savior. They found a merciful and loving God one they have chosen to follow. And, today, one they have chosen to remain in obedience to even at a high cost to themselves to fight for the heart of a little brother who has never known true love and true commitment and safety before entering this home and being surrounded by these siblings.

“Now, I’m sorry. But, for me the question of whether to follow Micheal Pearl or my Christ is a very simple answer. I look at my parents who followed Pearl and I see the fruits of their labors. And, I look at my children, whom have been raised with the love and mercy that a forgiving and protective Creator would have them raised in. I see fruits in my children which humble me. I see hearts in tune with their Creator in ways I can only wish to be. And, I realize quite simply that Micheal Pearl has missed the mark.

“Hurting children? Yup, missing the mark and deciding to be the Savior for your children is definitely hurting children. I should know. I was one of those children hurt by this parenting method.

_________

Thank you, Jo, for sharing from such a vulnerable place in life. May God continue to heal your family and your children — as well as your parents and siblings still struggling.

Karen Campbell of ThatMom podcast and blog had a special contest in June — and I’m one of the winners!

The podcasts are a great source of mommy-inspiration. As Karen explains, “. . .my vision for thatmom was born back in the days of diapers, Winnie the Pooh, and Playdoh. . . . I hold to the truth that God’s word, the Bible, rather than the agendas of man, is our standard for life and practice. To that end, the goal of this nook and cranny of cyberspace is to reach out to those women who might be looking for a kind word, a cup of virtual tea, and an older friend who knows that some days, all you really need is chocolate!”

As one of the contest winners, along with a special book, a hand-made apron, and a family cookbook, Karen is sending me three cds of ThatMom Podcast first year archives!

.

And so, another contest!

In the spirit of passing along the blessing, two special moms will be receive a mommy-inspiration prize of the first year cd of all of the ThatMom Podcast broadcasts AND a $5 Starbucks giftcard! However, the drawing is limited to the new visitors to TulipGirl.com who have stopped by thanks to the mention in the No Greater Joy Magazine July/August 2008 issue published by Michael and Debi Pearl. All those new visitors who have commented on various threads so far will be entered into the drawing — and those who comment on this thread will be entered a second time.

I’ve received several requests to unsubscribe people from receiving emails of comments on posts to which they responded. I want to make sure all understand that I have not signed anyone up for these subscriptions, when you post a comment you have the opportunity to opt in or opt out.

It has taken a few days to figure out some of the behind-the-scenes wordpress coding, but I can now unsubscribe those who have asked that I do so. I appreciate those who have been patient.

So as not to sidetrack the discussions on other posts, those who wish to be unsubscribed, please let me know in the comments of this post.

And I do encourage you to continue the conversation!

Grace and peace,
TG

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

My oldest is singing this right now, boldly and fervently. My heart is singing along with him. I cut-n-pasted the lyrics from cyberhymnal.org, which provides the backstory of this hymn. “One morn­ing it came into my mind as I went to la­bour, to write an hymn on the ‘Gra­cious Ex­per­i­ence of a Christ­ian.’ . . . On the Sab­bath fol­low­ing I met bro­ther King as I came out of Lisle Street Meet­ing…who in­formed me that his wife was ve­ry ill, . . . As these vers­es so met the dy­ing wo­man’s case, my at­ten­tion to them was the more ar­rest­ed. . .”

If you go to pandora.com and create a station with the title of this hymn, you’ll have peaceful piano music for your Sunday afternoon.

Some meandering thoughts on Independence Day. . .

Jennie Manning compiled this slideshow as a tribute that is shown while she is singing “God Bless the USA,” hence the music is background music and not the full vocals. She shares, “The last time the chorus is sung, The words go as follows: “And I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free. I won’t forget the MAN who died, who gave that right to me.” . . . I have spiritual freedom, and freedom from my sins because of the death of Jesus, so it just fits the emotion of the song to say that!”

There are many places in the world where our brothers and sisters in Christ have spiritual freedom, but do not have the political freedoms we have in the US, or the religious freedom to worship publicly without persecution.

This particular slideshow tribute has additional meaning to me because some of the pictures are from people I knew many years ago on GTMO in the 1980s. This family is still both serving the Lord and serving their country. Thinking of them has me reflecting on Independence Day, and remembering Cuba — especially strong memories of a certain Fourth of July.

The Fourth was a big holiday on GTMO. Lots of fun with parades, picnics, tanks to climb on, cantatas. . . This particular Fourth I won the pie baking contest with “Martha Washington’s Favorite Cherry Pie.” I’ll post the recipe one day. . . I was also in the cantata performed by the base chapel choir. Sailors from the ships doing training at GTMO had shore leave for the holiday. I remember all the festivities and fun. But right across the bay I could see smoke rising in columns, smoke from the Cuban sugar fields. We were celebrating freedom, but could almost see the people who were still laboring under the harsh yoke of Communism. Remember, this was before “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!” This was before the fall of the Soviet Union and its stranglehold on countries around the world. The sharp divide between freedom and bondage was almost palpable that day.

Hubby’s brother returned from a mission trip to Cuba just a few weeks ago. Today he organized quite the spread of Cuban fare — roasted pork, black beans and rice, tropical fruits, fried bananas, mojitos. . . It seemed oddly appropriate to me. And along with our thankfulness to the Lord for our freedom in Christ and freedom in life, we prayed for the country of Cuba, its people, and our persecuted brothers and sisters there.

Welcome, to the mothers and fathers who are visiting via the No Greater Joy Magazine July/August 2008 issue published by Michael and Debi Pearl. As a courtesy, I’ve spent some time organizing for your perusal the posts that have addressed the parenting teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl here at TulipGirl.com.

I hold no personal animosity towards the Pearls. I do oppose their teachings because they teach behavioural conditioning and call it “Biblical training.” I oppose their teaching because while it may seem to “work” in the short term for some families, it sets up an antagonistic parent/child relationship based on control. I oppose their teachings because it leaves little room for the Holy Spirit to work in the lives of the parents or children, and does not turn children towards the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

My goal is to help my children become the people God has created them to be, with an emphasis on a reliance upon God’s grace for daily living. I want to help them learn to recognize their sin and turn to God in repentance. I want to model for them what it looks like to lean into God when we are struggling.

Meeting these goals is how I’ll eventually be able to measure whether my parenting choices are “working.” But, I can tell you now, that the teachings from the Pearls will not “work” for meeting these goals. May what you read here be verified as you search the Scriptures and as you seek to live out the Gospel in your family life.

Grace and Peace,
TulipGirl

.

Related to Michael and Debi Pearl:

Pearls Po-Russki

Children, Good and Grown

On the Pearls and Parenting

Perfectionism and Parenting

On Perfectionism and Parenting

More on Michael and Debi Pearl

On the Pearls and Parenting, Repeat

What’s the Fuss About Michael and Debi Pearl?

From Salon.Com: More on Michael and Debi Pearl

.

Related to Sean Paddock:

Justice and Mercy

Avoiding Millstones

Remembering Sean Paddock

Other’s Thoughts on Lynn Paddock

From Salon.Com: More on Michael and Debi Pearl

.

Related Topics:

The Perfect Family

Parenting Freedom

Avoiding Millstones

Children, Good and Grown

Perfectionism and Parenting

On Perfectionism and Parenting

Restoring Gently and Carrying Burdens

Biblical Relationships and Behaviourism

.

Offsite, Pearl Related:

TTUAC Review

A Switch or a Cross

My Pearl Experience

The Pearls are Wrong

To Train Up A Child Review

Another Pearl Experience

Michael Pearl on Original Sin

No Greater Joy: A Look at the Basics

The Tragedy of “Created To Be His Helpmeet”

Created to Be His Helpmeet: Keer Unplugged Review

Created to Be His Helpmeet: Spunky Homeschool Review

Parenting: Performance Mentality (Is it Compatible with Christ)?

.

Other Related Resources:

Authoritarianism and Isolationism Among Us, PDF

Parenting Freedom: Discipline

Biblical Discipline: Conclusions

AwareParent Forum

.

How can we possibly share in a few short sentences the path the Lord has led our family down over many years? A sound-bite is insufficient to share God’s deep mercies.

Yet, Ann at Holy Experience walks her readers through what the Lord has done in her family’s life in the area of growing beyond perfectionism and embracing the Gospel in parenting.

Just a snippet, but read the whole thing:

Perfectionism

Sometimes we must speak or the stones will cry out. I have cried. It is now time to speak. To speak of our family’s personal experiences applying the teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl. . . .

ALWAYS OBEY—NO MERCY

I am not faithfully, unfailingly obedient. I fail…miserably. Often. You know it, Lord. The letters on the screen eddy in pools of tears, testifying.

Then why did I ever think our children could be perfectly obedient? 100% of the time?

I read and understood:

“If he [disobeys], spring into the room with your little switch and pop him on the bare legs one or two times. No anger on your part—no raised voices. Just make it more pleasant to stay in bed. Never allow him to get his way.… Train them right and they will always obey.” (NGJ, Vol 1, pg 7)

Always? Unwavering obedience? And if not, were more switches were necessary? That seemed to be the Pearl premise.

Do you not train me well enough, Lord? I don’t obey You without fail, Father. And You are an infinitely better Father to me than I am a Mother to these children. Then why did I think I could have “always” obedience from these precious ones? You discipline me, Lord— but always in the context of mercy and love—and a Cross.

Ann V., Holy Experience

Read the rest here.