TulipGirl

This weekend my Dad visited with us from Chicago. Though we got to see him this summer at a family reunion, it has been a couple of years since he’s been able to come to Florida. It was a good visit. Coffee and talking on the lanai, going out for brunch after church, listening in to each of the boys have their own conversations with Papa John.

Me: “I just read to the boys about John Paton.”

Hubby: “John Paton?”

Me: “You know. . . John Paton, missionary to cannibals.”

Hubby: “I guess he served them, body and soul.”

Dad: “I love listening to your boys talk, it’s joyful.”

Hubby: “Yeah, it’s wonderful combination of joy and Dadaism.”

How does technology (internet, cell phones, etc…) affect community and relationships? That was the theme we discussed this week at our community philosophy/conversation group.

We didn’t dive as deeply as I would have liked into one of the points brought up — the way the internet provides a paradox of anonymity and intimacy, exhibitionism and privacy.

In spite of being a very private person, I tend to connect easily with people when first meeting. I don’t think I’m an exhibitionist online, but I do try to cultivate transparency here and in my online relationships. I want to protect my family’s privacy, while being the same person in my community as I am online. Some things are easier to be open about, some things are wiser to be guarded about. Yet, I’m really me — online or in person.

So that is the context of some of the internal dialogue I’ve had the last few days about the latest change in our lives. I think that writing about it now will make it easier for the future. But I still wonder — is this exhibitionist or attention seeking? That’s not me, that’s not what I want. But this is a new path we’re on with a whole new set of ideas and new vocabularies and new challenges, and so. . . here I am.

When I went to the doctor this week, I was expecting to hear something along the lines of, “Yes, your symptoms are real and not all in your head. . . but they are within normal limits and so you’ll need to just continue to function as you have been.”

Instead. . .

“You have hearing loss, an unusual amount for your age. You’ve known for awhile, haven’t you? The pattern indicates it is most likely genetic.”

“Not too many rock concerts as a kid?”

“Not too many concerts. You have moderate mid to high frequency sensorineural hearing loss. And I need to tell you, you will need hearing aids.”

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I’ve known for awhile that my hearing isn’t the greatest. It hasn’t been a big deal. I thought it was normal not-great hearing. I thought that I was functioning pretty well. After being told that definitely have hearing loss, hearing loss beyond simply needing some occupational therapy help, I’ve started noticing how many accommodations we’ve already been making and how much it has been impacting my family and those around me.

“What did you say?” “Excuse me?” “Would you repeat that?” “I’m a visual learner. . . would you spell your name so I can remember it?” How may times a week, a day do I say those things? Hubby is used to it, and we’re in good patterns of communicating. But now that I know I really do have hearing loss, I’m noticing just how often I need things repeated or clarified.

Medium and large groups are hard for me. I used to think it was I was an introvert who likes people and has good people skills. I still think I am — but I wonder how much of my hearing loss has shaped the social groups I like best? A large conference is fine; I enjoy the stimulation of ideas and most discussions end up being one-on-one with others. A very small group is fine, I can watch people talk and interact. I’m slow to jump into group discussions, but I can participate. But a medium group? Some family gatherings, some activities? Restaurants, clubs, noisy groups? Exhausting. In Ukraine, it was always easier to have people in our home than go to someone else’s home. I chalked that up to my personality. Maybe it was the hearing dynamic as well?

Speaking of Ukraine. . . It was hard for me to struggle so much with Russian. I did well in school; I like to think of myself as reasonably intelligent. And yet, learning Russian was very, very hard for me. Going to my tutor was hard — it was all conversational practice. I would tell my Russian friends that I “listened slowly” and had to have them repeat a lot of things. It was always easier when they spoke English to me (even beginner English) and I spoke Russian to them. In retrospect, hearing loss helps explain one part of why Russian was such a challenge. Not only was it a new language, but it was already hard for me to hear and understand all language.

Funny example? We had an ongoing discussion with teammates one day that talked about an acquaintance who was a Communist. In actuality, he had recently realized he was a Calvinist.

Hubby and I watch “our shows” online, mostly on hulu.com . When we lived in Ukraine we hosted the “American Film Club,” which included English movies for language learners. We tried to get high-quality pirated movies, so they would have subtitles for our students. Since then, I’ve always asked Hubby to turn on subtitles or closed captioning, so I could more easily follow the dialogue. Hubby would tease me about being his “sweet deaf baby.” Little did he know how true that was! *laugh* He’s kind of self-conscious about that now, but it is a long-standing term of endearment between us.

“If you want to talk to Mommy, you need to come to me!” How many times have I yelled at told the kids that? And now I’m wondering whether J12 and T11 are doing “normal” tween/teen mumbling and fast talking — or whether it is just me?

It makes a difference whether whether I can see someone or not when I’m talking to them. I can hear sound, but without being able to see faces, mouths and expressions, I can’t always hear them. Which, I guess is why I feel like I can’t understand anything around me with my glasses off.

I thought the “smile-and-nod” was a cross-cultural accommodation in Ukraine. When I didn’t understand what the heck was going on, staying pleasant and quiet was my default. I do that a lot even in the States. I think it is because I really don’t always understand what is going on.

I’ve been told that once I start using hearing aids, I’ll be surprised at how much I’ve been missing, how it will be easier for me than older people to adjust to having them, how much less tired and stressed I’ll be at the end of the day, how much less work it will be to communicate.

I’ve also been told to remember they are helpful tools, but that communication is really going to require the cooperation of those around me, especially with my Hubby and kids. I’ve been told people will think hearing aids will magically give me back my hearing, but that it will still take a lot of work to communicate. I’ve been told that hearing loss is an invisible disability, and so many times people won’t understand.

I’ve had just enough of a glimpse to know that we’re on a whole new journey. I’m a bit apprehensive. I don’t know where this will take us, just that it is a strange and new path ahead.

Several times I’ve read aloud to the boys “Little Pilgrim’s Progress,” the Helen Taylor adaption of John Bunyan’s classic. The image of Little Christian along the path the Celestial Kingdom comes to mind. It was a path that Little Christian knew nothing about, but one God designed. Every temptation and struggle Little Christian faced, God was with him. Sovereign.

Thanks for listening, for hearing my heart.

“Jesus’s teaching consistently attracted the irreligious while offending the Bible-believing, religious people of his day. However, in the main, our churches today do not have this effect. The kind of outsiders Jesus attracted are not attracted to contemporary churches, even our most avant-garde ones. We tend to draw conservative, buttoned-down, moralistic people. The licentious and liberated or the broken and marginal avoid church. That can only mean one thing. If the preaching of our ministers and the practice of our parishioners do not have the same effect on people that Jesus had, then we must not be declaring the same message that Jesus did. If our churches aren’t appealing to younger brothers, they must be more full of elder brothers than we’d like to think.”

Tim Keller, The Prodigal God,

(via Somber and Dull)

Breakfasts
Eggs and Scrapple (Hubby cooks this when I’m not home, thankfully)
Granola (if I actually make it this week)
Pancakes
Oatmeal
Cereal

Lunches
PB&J
Pasta
Baked Potatoes
Turkey Sandwiches

Dinners
Porkchops with Herbed Cream Sauce over Pasta, Five-Minute Cabbage
Italian Sausage Sandwiches (another Hubby recipe)
New Orleans Red Beans and Rice
Annie’s Crustless Quiche
Black Thai Pork
Fiesta Penne

Snacks
Popcorn
Strawberries
Baked Potatoes
Cottage Cheese
Veggies Dipped in Hummus (If I make it this week.)

“Look, Mom, it’s not leaking!” said C8. “I filled the bottle with water and stuck a knife in it, and it’s not leaking. It’s my science experiment!”

Two friends have started blogging this week. One is the mom to four girls, and reads voraciously. (Reminds me of Megan!) The other is a friend from Ukraine who I haven’t been in touch with regularly the past several years, who also reads voraciously. What is it about blogging and reading?

Speaking of reading, a few years ago I skimmed The Child in Christian Thought, and now I’m reading it closely. I find it fascinating to see both the development of social thought and practice alongside the theological development and emphases at different times in history. I’m only at Aquinas right now, but hope to summarize the book in the future here. Based on how thoughtful this book is, I’m interested in The Child in the Bible, also edited by Marcia Bunge.

But all the academic and philosophical reading about children can’t take the place of really being with and enjoying our own children. The boys are getting big so fast. My youngest is now the age my oldest was when we returned to the States. That startles me. I know it is trite to tell young mothers, “They are little for such a short time. . .” but it is true. And I want to enjoy them and nurture them and take advantage of this time we have right now. On the other hand, daily life can be demanding and tiring and hard to enjoy the moments we have. Always a struggle for me.

It’s also a struggle to see the abuse of power, especially when it carries with it the self-identified label of Christianity. In Ukraine, “Pastor” Sunday Adelaja is being brought up on charges of financial fraud. While it is wrong to take advantage of people who have money, it is evil to take advantage of people who have next to nothing — in the name of Christ. I’m livid about what he has done, but frankly, not surprised. After all, Sunday is a health-and-wealth proponent, a teaching which distorts the Gospel.

I’m not surprised, but still brokenhearted at the misuse of the Bible, proof-texting, and manipulation that goes on in the name of being “good Christians.” When people are misused and broken, sometimes they reject Christ along with rejecting the “Christian” subculture. Sometimes the damage is more subtle, but leads to other struggles in faith and family. Why all this crud in our churches? Sometimes you just have to laugh at it all, so that you don’t cry.

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So, today I’m meditating on God’s love, mercy and sovereignty. . .

This is my Father’s world. O let me ne’er forget
That though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet.
This is my Father’s world: the battle is not done:
Jesus Who died shall be satisfied,
And earth and Heav’n be one.

C8, Beyond the Summerland
R10, The Iliad for Boys and Girls
T11, Father of Dragons
J12, Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (yet again)

St. Patrick’s Breastplate

I bind unto myself today
The strong Name of the Trinity,
By invocation of the same
The Three in One and One in Three.

I bind this today to me forever
By power of faith, Christ’s incarnation;
His baptism in Jordan river,
His death on Cross for my salvation;
His bursting from the spicèd tomb,
His riding up the heavenly way,
His coming at the day of doom
I bind unto myself today.

I bind unto myself the power
Of the great love of cherubim;
The sweet ‘Well done’ in judgment hour,
The service of the seraphim,
Confessors’ faith, Apostles’ word,
The Patriarchs’ prayers, the prophets’ scrolls,
All good deeds done unto the Lord
And purity of virgin souls.

I bind unto myself today
The virtues of the star lit heaven,
The glorious sun’s life giving ray,
The whiteness of the moon at even,
The flashing of the lightning free,
The whirling wind’s tempestuous shocks,
The stable earth, the deep salt sea
Around the old eternal rocks.

I bind unto myself today
The power of God to hold and lead,
His eye to watch, His might to stay,
His ear to hearken to my need.
The wisdom of my God to teach,
His hand to guide, His shield to ward;
The word of God to give me speech,
His heavenly host to be my guard.

Against the demon snares of sin,
The vice that gives temptation force,
The natural lusts that war within,
The hostile men that mar my course;
Or few or many, far or nigh,
In every place and in all hours,
Against their fierce hostility
I bind to me these holy powers.

Against all Satan’s spells and wiles,
Against false words of heresy,
Against the knowledge that defiles,
Against the heart’s idolatry,
Against the wizard’s evil craft,
Against the death wound and the burning,
The choking wave, the poisoned shaft,
Protect me, Christ, till Thy returning.

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

I bind unto myself the Name,
The strong Name of the Trinity,
By invocation of the same,
The Three in One and One in Three.
By Whom all nature hath creation,
Eternal Father, Spirit, Word:
Praise to the Lord of my salvation,
Salvation is of Christ the Lord.

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While I highly recommend listening to the whole course, today is a great day to listen (with the kids!) to Dr. David Calhoun’s lecture on The Christianization of Great Britain and St. Patrick contextualizing and preaching the Gospel in Ireland.

“He was also able to preach to the Irish a new message. He not only told them about a new God, but also a new message. It was not a message from an angry Celtic god who demanded human sacrifices, but rather a message from a loving God who Himself provided the sacrifice that was needed for the sins of people. Soon that message began to be heard all throughout Ireland.

Patrick said, “We preached it everywhere. We preached it all the way across Ireland until we reached the ocean and we could not go any farther.”

So in Patrick’s time, through this man and his followers, the Gospel came to Ireland and converted many of the Irish to Christianity.”
— Dr. David Calhoun

C8 and R10, February 2009, Florida

A few weeks ago, we welcomed the warming weather with my in-laws by having a picnic and weenie roast in their backyard. My newest sister-in-law took these shots of the two younger boys. She captured them well!

During the Christian Ed today, our friend Doug told us about his upcoming internship in Uganda this summer. Doug is a student at the local med school, with his long-term desire to be involved in medical missions. He’s been overseas before, and what he shared this morning illustrated that he’s got a good bit of realism about what his summer in Uganda entails.

Doug’s internship is with World Harvest Missions. Among mission organizations, I rank WHM almost as high as Mission to the World. I know Doug will be working with a team that emphasizes that ministry comes from the overflow of the Gospel in our own lives.

Two of our boys (T11, R10) have said they will be praying for him each morning. We’ve used the various resources over the years to help our children develop a greater awareness of God’s work around the world. One of the things that helps the most is to know missionaries and to know people who are taking the steps to explore God’s call in their lives.

If you are especially concerned about Uganda or medical missions, would you please remember to pray for Doug?

Other than Hubby’s forays into the kitchen, our meals have gotten into a bit of a rut.  I went to the produce market and bulk store today, browsed the supermarket flyer for sales, and am trying to do some meal planning for this week.

Breakfasts
Oatmeal
Pancakes
Scrambled Eggs
Fruit and Yogurt
Seven Year Granola
Zucchini Bread Muffins

Lunches
Pasta
Baked Potatoes
Tuna Sandwiches
English Muffin Egg Sandwiches
PB&J (not totally abandoning our comfortable rut!)

Dinners
1.  Picnic at Pops in the Park
Sub Sandwiches, Potato Salad, Deviled Eggs, Grapes, Carrot Sticks, Brownies
2. Roast, Mashed Potatoes and Sauteed Veggies
3. Grilled Fish Chicken, Five-Minute Cabbage
4. Cuban Black Bean Soup
5. Asian Chicken Salad
6. Mediterranean Artichoke/Chicken Salad Chicken Mole
7. Chicken Fajitas, Refried Black Beans, Diced Avocado

Snacks
Popcorn
Bananas
Strawberries
Baked Potatoes
Cottage Cheese
Veggies Dipped in Hummus

Other
Strawberry Jam (Planning on making Saturday, if the kids haven’t finished eating the flat of strawberries I bought today. And if the weather doesn’t get too hot. I refuse to put the AC on in March.)