TulipGirl

My name is Lindsey Gruen and I am a homeschooling mother to 4 children. I am also a Christian (Lutheran-Missouri Synod). I am firmly against the Pearls, their theology, and child “training” materials. I am speaking out online in forums regarding their use.

[...] Tulip Girl’s updated list on links to articles about the death of Lydia Schatz and the Pearl conne… it is also encouraging to see how this list has grown over the weekend. I pray that more and more individuals and groups will be willing to stand among those who see this for the horror that it is. It is also important that we make it very clear that this isn’t about “spanking,” it is about child abuse. [...]

Thanks for creating and maintaining this list. It’s a great resource. The administrators of Gentle Christian Mothers have issued a public statement that appears at the top of the message board. Anyone may read it. It’s titled “It is Time to Speak Out Against the Teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl”.

I still have my website, which consists of every argument I can find against the Pearl’s teachings. My own comments, from 2004, are at http://hermanalinda.witnesstoday.org/MyArguments.htm

[...] vocal few? Who Is Speaking Out Against Abuse? ~ I’d say there are more than a few “caustic critics” who are outraged over the [...]

Michael Pearl’s response to all of us:

http://pearlchildtraining.blogspot.com/2010/03/michael-pearl-laughs-at-critics.html

http://parentatthehelm.com/1335/michael-pearl-laughs-at-critics/

KEEP UP YOUR WORK!! I am not a Christian, not a homeschooler, not even a parent. But I care deeply for children, especially those who who can’t be raised in their biological families. Many are placed in excellent, loving Christian homes. The Pearls have inflamed people’s worst fears about adoption, Christians, and homeschooling. Your work reminds of the true spirit of the teaching of Jesus Christ. To you, He is the son of God, to me a very wise philosopher. Regardless of who is right, it would be a better world if we all lived by his teaching and you are showing us how, Bless you and thank you for your tireless advocacy for children and against the teaching of the Pearls. Why does Amazon still carry their books??

I have a blog entry which is a review of “To Train Up A Child,” demonstrating that it is child abuse.
http://watchmansbagpipes.blogspot.com/2010/01/to-train-up-child.html

I also just did a follow-up today, with a link to your site!
http://watchmansbagpipes.blogspot.com/2010/03/to-train-up-child-follow-up.html

Get the word out as much as possible!

i had a friend who once told me about the pearl method that using it is about finding balance. she claimed that the problems with using the pearl method only came from parents who took their word verbatim & didn’t find wiggle room or change things to make them work in their own families.

my argument is, if this is how the pearl program is to be used (with a mix of some basic common sense), then why don’t the pearls make this claim? why don’t the pearls insist that they are NOT the end-all, be-all?

and further, i believe that anyone who claims to be the end-all, be-all of any christian belief is a hoax – that title clearly belongs to the word.

so thank you for raising awareness about the dangers of whole-heartedly following any teaching that is not God’s.

There’s also a moderated group with the goal of stopping the practice onYahoo
The site here wont let me post the yahoo group for some reason so just put in yahoo first before the rest of the address below.

bancorporalpunishmentofchildren/?yguid=328760158

I’m glad people are again speaking out against this couple. Their latest blog post truly made me sick about them ‘laughing’ at this terrible circumstance.

Where is the compassion that Jesus asks his people to give and show?

http://eaandfaith.blogspot.com/2010/03/lydia-child-pearls-laugh-at.html

Thank you so much for speaking out against the Pearls.

oh A- this saddens my heart. my sister in law, whom i believe i directed your way in the years i was more active online, emailed me, asking if i’d heard about this and that the link to my blog was back up in circulation so i’m stopping by.
I need to share a story that tells me how awesome God has been with our family regarding the Pearls. When I was fervently following them, we lived in Seattle, and a friend of a friend, who i didn’t know came to ladies prayer group. afterward we were talking about different parenting books, and she mentioned TTUAC. I eagerly recommended it, even though she seemed unsure. it was hard, but it worked. at least that’s what I told her. i never saw her again. years pass, we move a few times and end up back in Alaska. a few summers ago I’m at the park with a few other moms and this woman and i keep looking at each other. finally she asks if we know each other. we try to come up with ways we could know each other, and we eventually land on seattle. then it clicks-i ask her if she was friends with so-and-so and yes! IT WAS HER! The one person in my life I’ve always regretted recommending this book to and couldn’t apologize to, or share my change of heart. God dropped her on my picnic blanket, thousands of miles from where I met her, down the street from my house. I told her the whole story and she just laughs and says she took a few things from it threw out the rest [how i wish i had]. i’ve run unto her a few times, and i’m sure she thinks i’m kinda crazy, but i don’t care! what a gift- God is so good!

[...] Those Who Don’t Agree 2010 March 9 by protectzchildren Below are excerpts and a list from a site run by a woman who impresses me greatly. Thank you. It’s one thing for those of us outside the fundamentalist Christian/Christian home-schooling world to point fingers at the Pearls and voice outrage at their methods. What really matters, and what stands to have actual impact, is the outrage inside the Pearls’ world. And right now, more than ever, an anti-Pearl movement within the conservative Christian community is rising up in heated, if sometimes whispered, fury. Some say — even pray — that Lydia Schatz’s death will bring Michael and Debi Pearl exactly the kind of attention they deserve.  (Source) [...]

[...] Horror The Lydia Schatz case has affected me profoundly.  I’m still trying to sort through the myriad of emotions that have surfaced since I first read about it last week.   I have always been confused about spanking/corporal punishment.  My parents definitely believed in spanking, and I received a handful of spankings over the years – not many though.  My parents loved us very, very much (still do of course) and I know that they raised us to the best of their ability.  I think the four of us that are grown turned out pretty well, and I think Sarah, at almost 17, is well on her way to success too.   The fact that we had a happy childhood and that my parents administered spanking in effective way (used as a last resort, parents not angry while spanking, never spanking more than one or two smacks) still doesn’t mean that I agree with it.  But, I’m not saying that I don’t agree with it either.  I’m confused.  Conflicted.  I always hated spankings at home when I was young…I hated it when I got one (not often, as I said) – I felt humiliated and disrespected by my parents.  I hated it when my siblings were spanked.  It felt wrong.  As I said though, I’m not sure that it is wrong.  My mother always quoted Proverbs 10:13 – “Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning, but a rod is for the back of him who lacks judgment.”   I know, though, that there are different personality types and that there is not one catch-all discipline method that works for all children.  I am also afraid of buying into something just because an “expert” says to.  That already happened to us once with the Ezzo/Babywise method.  Praise God we weren’t damaged by it as other families have been.   I first heard of Growing Kids God’s Way by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo when I was in middle school.  I babysat for a family that taught the Ezzo curriculum – the little girl and I played in the basement while the parents taught upstairs.  I could hear the video session going on upstairs, and I came away very impressed by the concept of “couch time” (parents spending time together in front of the child so that the child could see the marriage in action).    Because I never intended to have children (so glad God didn’t follow my selfish plan!), I never gave much thought to how I would raise children of my own.  (The only time it crossed my mind was when I was in a restaurant or other public place and there was a disruptive child around.  Then, of course, I was a firm believer in spanking.)  Todd and I never discussed discipline at all, so when I was pregnant with Laird we began thinking about it and I remembered the Ezzos, and how nice the concept of couch time seemed.  So, I found the Preparation for Parenting curriculm on Ebay for a great price and we listened to all of the Preparation for Parenting teaching sessions. (Preparation for Parenting is the same as Babywise plus religious references.) Todd and I both thought it all sounded great, and we intended to follow it with Laird. In fact, until last week when I looked over what the curriculm actually says, I would have said that we did follow it! Thankfully, we absolutely did not follow it. The only bit of the Ezzos’ advice that we took to heart was regularly scheduled feedings – but even then, I was very flexible. I generally fed Laird every 3 hours, but I wasn’t strict about it. If he was hungry, I fed him after 2 hours. I am so glad God saved me from following their advice to the letter! We didn’t follow their eat-wake-sleep schedule (they say not to nurse a baby to sleep) and we weren’t strict about naps. I bought their video series Preparation for the Toddler Years (aka Babywise II) and Todd and I began watching it last summer but never finished. Something about it didn’t sit right with me. I didn’t like the idea of constantly restricting Laird’s activity or controlling everything he did. It seemed inhumane. After learning more about children – or rather, remembering everything I learned in college about child development – I believe that the vast majority of what the Ezzos teach is wrong. No, they’re not nearly as bad as the Pearls (who wrote the books that taught the Schatzes to beat their children), but their advice is unhealthy and can harm precious babies. At the website ezzo.info, I learned that the Ezzos are frauds and that they were asked to leave John MacArthur’s church. Please take a look at that website before buying any of the Ezzos’ material. Obviously I have been thinking a lot about disciplining Laird. About spanking. Is it wrong? No, I don’t think it is. Will I do it? I don’t want to. I don’t want to at all. It is never right to crush a child’s spirit or try to conform him/her to your will. God has created each child as an individual, separate from parents. Children should be taught respect and honor – but not blind obedience. Please pray for the Schatz children. I cannot imagine how confused they all must be! If you would like to read more details about the Pearls and Lydia Schatz, please visit TulipGirl. [...]

to the person who asked about shepherding a child’s heart.
It made me physically sick. detailed instructions not only on how to beat a child, but how to do it covertly and explicit instructions as to how not to get caught for child abuse while you are about it.
the author should be in prison.
sorry, not helpful, but you did ask!

Great list of links. My fury at these people is not easily expressed.

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