Comments on: Who Is Speaking Out Against Abuse?

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By: Karen Butler

Karen Butler — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 21:52:35 +0000

I wrote this on my blog, “Now, Through a Glass Darkly” http://thenface2face.wordpress.com/2010/03/08/whose-heart-failure/

I am haunted by Lydia. She died some weeks ago because she did not pronounce a word correctly as she was reading a Frog and Toad storybook. She died because she was beaten until she went into heart failure. She died after her adoptive parents took turns holding her down while the other beat her with a 1/4 inch plumber’s supply line, for hours. She died because her parents believed sincerely in the Operant Conditioning methods taught them by Michael Pearl, who in his book, “To Train Up a Child”, tells parents they must spank until the child submits or they have lost that child’s heart forever. She died because her parents, exactly the kind of godly salt-of-the-earth sorts of people that I have sat next to in Homeschooling conventions, relied for wisdom in a terrible situation upon the teachings of men rather than the Holy Spirit of God–or even upon their God-given common sense. Lydia died because horrible ideas have horrible consequences.

I am haunted by this story. I grieve for her and her parents and her eight siblings now in foster care. I grieve because in their spectacular case all my sins are remembered. I grieve because when my life fell apart because of a false idea of the Father that bred unhealthy parenting, I had a dear friend whose prayerful, gentle mothering example became my better model. For many years this wonderful woman has sought to adopt two little girls from Liberia–and that was their country of origin, both Lydia and her other sibling Zahria, who nearly died of renal failure from a similar beating. My friend and I have prayed together for years for the children she longed to hold in her arms and protect from the harm she could only imagine from a distance. I thought I could exorcise Lydia’s ghost if I learned as much as I could about her case, and as I read I grieved and remembered my own struggles with a recalcitrant child and the rod of reproof.

Michael Pearl is not grieving. On his Facebook page, callously, he laughs. One can learn a lot about a leader as he responds to a crisis or to his critics. Now, with nearly two million in sales filling him with smug self-satisfaction, Michael Pearl is laughing in response to this tragedy…”

By: Annie

Annie — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 06:54:02 +0000

Great list of links. My fury at these people is not easily expressed.

By: Julie

Julie — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 21:58:31 +0000

Keep this list going…I am HORRIFIED and truly feel it is important ESPECIALLY in christian circles to get the word out about the dangers if these terrible methods…they ARE SO NOT based on the Bible…just someone’s misinterpretation!!!

By: jackie

jackie — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 20:42:29 +0000

to the person who asked about shepherding a child’s heart.
It made me physically sick. detailed instructions not only on how to beat a child, but how to do it covertly and explicit instructions as to how not to get caught for child abuse while you are about it.
the author should be in prison.
sorry, not helpful, but you did ask!

By: Linda V.

Linda V. — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 19:04:23 +0000

This site is looking great! So very helpful. I wanted to let you know that my old website is not working and my new URL is http://whynottrainachild.com It’s still a work on progress.

By: Horror « Laird and His Momma

Horror « Laird and His Momma — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 14:55:28 +0000

[...] Horror The Lydia Schatz case has affected me profoundly. I’m still trying to sort through the myriad of emotions that have surfaced since I first read about it last week. I have always been confused about spanking/corporal punishment. My parents definitely believed in spanking, and I received a handful of spankings over the years – not many though. My parents loved us very, very much (still do of course) and I know that they raised us to the best of their ability. I think the four of us that are grown turned out pretty well, and I think Sarah, at almost 17, is well on her way to success too. The fact that we had a happy childhood and that my parents administered spanking in effective way (used as a last resort, parents not angry while spanking, never spanking more than one or two smacks) still doesn’t mean that I agree with it. But, I’m not saying that I don’t agree with it either. I’m confused. Conflicted. I always hated spankings at home when I was young…I hated it when I got one (not often, as I said) – I felt humiliated and disrespected by my parents. I hated it when my siblings were spanked. It felt wrong. As I said though, I’m not sure that it is wrong. My mother always quoted Proverbs 10:13 – “Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning, but a rod is for the back of him who lacks judgment.” I know, though, that there are different personality types and that there is not one catch-all discipline method that works for all children. I am also afraid of buying into something just because an “expert” says to. That already happened to us once with the Ezzo/Babywise method. Praise God we weren’t damaged by it as other families have been. I first heard of Growing Kids God’s Way by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo when I was in middle school. I babysat for a family that taught the Ezzo curriculum – the little girl and I played in the basement while the parents taught upstairs. I could hear the video session going on upstairs, and I came away very impressed by the concept of “couch time” (parents spending time together in front of the child so that the child could see the marriage in action). Because I never intended to have children (so glad God didn’t follow my selfish plan!), I never gave much thought to how I would raise children of my own. (The only time it crossed my mind was when I was in a restaurant or other public place and there was a disruptive child around. Then, of course, I was a firm believer in spanking.) Todd and I never discussed discipline at all, so when I was pregnant with Laird we began thinking about it and I remembered the Ezzos, and how nice the concept of couch time seemed. So, I found the Preparation for Parenting curriculm on Ebay for a great price and we listened to all of the Preparation for Parenting teaching sessions. (Preparation for Parenting is the same as Babywise plus religious references.) Todd and I both thought it all sounded great, and we intended to follow it with Laird. In fact, until last week when I looked over what the curriculm actually says, I would have said that we did follow it! Thankfully, we absolutely did not follow it. The only bit of the Ezzos’ advice that we took to heart was regularly scheduled feedings – but even then, I was very flexible. I generally fed Laird every 3 hours, but I wasn’t strict about it. If he was hungry, I fed him after 2 hours. I am so glad God saved me from following their advice to the letter! We didn’t follow their eat-wake-sleep schedule (they say not to nurse a baby to sleep) and we weren’t strict about naps. I bought their video series Preparation for the Toddler Years (aka Babywise II) and Todd and I began watching it last summer but never finished. Something about it didn’t sit right with me. I didn’t like the idea of constantly restricting Laird’s activity or controlling everything he did. It seemed inhumane. After learning more about children – or rather, remembering everything I learned in college about child development – I believe that the vast majority of what the Ezzos teach is wrong. No, they’re not nearly as bad as the Pearls (who wrote the books that taught the Schatzes to beat their children), but their advice is unhealthy and can harm precious babies. At the website ezzo.info, I learned that the Ezzos are frauds and that they were asked to leave John MacArthur’s church. Please take a look at that website before buying any of the Ezzos’ material. Obviously I have been thinking a lot about disciplining Laird. About spanking. Is it wrong? No, I don’t think it is. Will I do it? I don’t want to. I don’t want to at all. It is never right to crush a child’s spirit or try to conform him/her to your will. God has created each child as an individual, separate from parents. Children should be taught respect and honor – but not blind obedience. Please pray for the Schatz children. I cannot imagine how confused they all must be! If you would like to read more details about the Pearls and Lydia Schatz, please visit TulipGirl. [...]

By: Parenting in the Name of God « Scita > Scienda

Parenting in the Name of God « Scita > Scienda — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 06:03:47 +0000

[...] by Michael and Debi Pearl. Not the book, actually, but their ministry magazine. Well, TulipGirl asked who’s speaking out about this matter. Looks like I [...]

By: Those Who Don’t Agree « change

Those Who Don’t Agree « change — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 03:47:25 +0000

[...] Those Who Don’t Agree 2010 March 9 by protectzchildren Below are excerpts and a list from a site run by a woman who impresses me greatly. Thank you. It’s one thing for those of us outside the fundamentalist Christian/Christian home-schooling world to point fingers at the Pearls and voice outrage at their methods. What really matters, and what stands to have actual impact, is the outrage inside the Pearls’ world. And right now, more than ever, an anti-Pearl movement within the conservative Christian community is rising up in heated, if sometimes whispered, fury. Some say — even pray — that Lydia Schatz’s death will bring Michael and Debi Pearl exactly the kind of attention they deserve. (Source) [...]

By: Michelle

Michelle — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 23:51:22 +0000

Carole,
Here is one link that makes direct quotes from “Shepherding a Child’s Heart”
http://stoptherod.net/tripp.html

Here is my petition:’
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/america39s-behind–ban-the-physical-assault-of-children

By: meggan

meggan — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 23:41:42 +0000

oh A- this saddens my heart. my sister in law, whom i believe i directed your way in the years i was more active online, emailed me, asking if i’d heard about this and that the link to my blog was back up in circulation so i’m stopping by.
I need to share a story that tells me how awesome God has been with our family regarding the Pearls. When I was fervently following them, we lived in Seattle, and a friend of a friend, who i didn’t know came to ladies prayer group. afterward we were talking about different parenting books, and she mentioned TTUAC. I eagerly recommended it, even though she seemed unsure. it was hard, but it worked. at least that’s what I told her. i never saw her again. years pass, we move a few times and end up back in Alaska. a few summers ago I’m at the park with a few other moms and this woman and i keep looking at each other. finally she asks if we know each other. we try to come up with ways we could know each other, and we eventually land on seattle. then it clicks-i ask her if she was friends with so-and-so and yes! IT WAS HER! The one person in my life I’ve always regretted recommending this book to and couldn’t apologize to, or share my change of heart. God dropped her on my picnic blanket, thousands of miles from where I met her, down the street from my house. I told her the whole story and she just laughs and says she took a few things from it threw out the rest [how i wish i had]. i’ve run unto her a few times, and i’m sure she thinks i’m kinda crazy, but i don’t care! what a gift- God is so good!

By: Deb

Deb — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 17:19:52 +0000

Whoops. I meant to include this in my above quote. On my blog, I am trying to speak out against the Pearls also. Because the Pearls claim that their methods are biblical some people might feel that it is THE Christian way to parent. With so many voices raised against them, perhaps some people will understand that their methods are not biblical at all.

By: Deb

Deb — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 17:17:56 +0000

Thank you so much for speaking out against the Pearls.

By: Linda B

Linda B — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 06:07:16 +0000

Another link for you, TulipGirl:

http://sharperiron.org/filings/3-5-10/14098

The horror is beginning to sink in.

Also, a woman who was abused in a different situation (Hephzibah House) has contacted the Sheriff’s office in Centerville, TN, to alert them to the fact that Pearl has admitted (in his arrogant post) to abusing his DOGS. Of course, the rest of his spewage is also under scrutiny there as well, but she gives phone numbers and email addresses for the relevant authorities in Paradise, CA and in the county where the Pearls live.

Here is her Facebook note on the matter:

http://www.facebook.com/notes/cathy-harris/michael-pearl-we-are-not-laughing-and-jesus-is-not-laughing-either/346955103009

There are several Facebook groups that have sprung up in response to this (and, yes, NGJ has a facebook of its own). Cathy has joined most of them. If you want links, I’ll be happy to provide them.

By: Hannah Thomas

Hannah Thomas — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 00:41:01 +0000

I’m glad people are again speaking out against this couple. Their latest blog post truly made me sick about them ‘laughing’ at this terrible circumstance.

Where is the compassion that Jesus asks his people to give and show?

http://eaandfaith.blogspot.com/2010/03/lydia-child-pearls-laugh-at.html

By: Miss Roxie

Miss Roxie — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 19:18:46 +0000

I’m standing with those of you who are speaking out against this and hoping to help notify others that this is going on. I’ve linked you, Tulip Girl, and others in a post on my blog. I just want this voice to be heard.

I am tired of extremist ideas being linked to being a Christian.

http://bearolemodel.blogspot.com/2010/03/movement-speaking-out-against-pearls.html

By: Michelle

Michelle — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 16:15:47 +0000

There’s also a moderated group with the goal of stopping the practice onYahoo
The site here wont let me post the yahoo group for some reason so just put in yahoo first before the rest of the address below.

bancorporalpunishmentofchildren/?yguid=328760158

By: Michelle

Michelle — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 16:13:24 +0000

I want to mention something regarding biblical bible quotes.
The Old Testament’s statement that if “you beat them with a rod, they will not die. Proverbs 23:13 is wrong.
Countless children have died. Jesus went against many of the Old Testament teachings.That is a fact.
A PBS speaker on family dysfunction pointed out that King Soloman wrote the quotes that support physically assaulting children.
King Soloman and his son heavily taxed their kingdom and was otherwise brutal.Was that based on God’s teachings?son he was ousted. Who have him the right to have power over the people?
Here is a quote by Rehoboam.
“Whereas my father laid upon you a heavy yoke, so shall I add tenfold thereto. Whereas my father chastised (tortured) you with whips, so shall I chastise you with scorpions. For my littlest finger is thicker than my father’s loins; and your backs, which bent like reeds at my father’s touch, shall break like straws at my own touch.”
So, people are following the teachings of brutal leaders not God or Jesus.

I have a petition to ban the physical assault of children:
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/america39s-behind–ban-the-physical-assault-of-children

By: lauren

lauren — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 14:23:20 +0000

i had a friend who once told me about the pearl method that using it is about finding balance. she claimed that the problems with using the pearl method only came from parents who took their word verbatim & didn’t find wiggle room or change things to make them work in their own families.

my argument is, if this is how the pearl program is to be used (with a mix of some basic common sense), then why don’t the pearls make this claim? why don’t the pearls insist that they are NOT the end-all, be-all?

and further, i believe that anyone who claims to be the end-all, be-all of any christian belief is a hoax – that title clearly belongs to the word.

so thank you for raising awareness about the dangers of whole-heartedly following any teaching that is not God’s.

By: thatmom

thatmom — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 12:09:15 +0000

Happy to report this morning that the Peoria Area Christian Educators group has removed To Train Up a Child from their resource list!

By: Glenn E. Chatfield

Glenn E. Chatfield — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 18:12:38 +0000

I have a blog entry which is a review of “To Train Up A Child,” demonstrating that it is child abuse.
http://watchmansbagpipes.blogspot.com/2010/01/to-train-up-child.html

I also just did a follow-up today, with a link to your site!
http://watchmansbagpipes.blogspot.com/2010/03/to-train-up-child-follow-up.html

Get the word out as much as possible!

By: rebecca

rebecca — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 14:24:16 +0000

http://mommypress.com/rebecca/this-made-me-cry-today.htm

By: Ruthie

Ruthie — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 04:50:13 +0000

KEEP UP YOUR WORK!! I am not a Christian, not a homeschooler, not even a parent. But I care deeply for children, especially those who who can’t be raised in their biological families. Many are placed in excellent, loving Christian homes. The Pearls have inflamed people’s worst fears about adoption, Christians, and homeschooling. Your work reminds of the true spirit of the teaching of Jesus Christ. To you, He is the son of God, to me a very wise philosopher. Regardless of who is right, it would be a better world if we all lived by his teaching and you are showing us how, Bless you and thank you for your tireless advocacy for children and against the teaching of the Pearls. Why does Amazon still carry their books??

By: Calling All Christian Families and Those Who Minister to Them « Savouring Grace

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 01:08:50 +0000

[...] to Homeschooling Families by Karen Campbell (ThatMom) and TulipGirl’s continuously updated compilation of links to the individuals and organizations issuing warnings against the teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy [...]

By: grandmalinda

grandmalinda — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 23:45:37 +0000

http://parentatthehelm.com/1335/michael-pearl-laughs-at-critics/