TulipGirl

Thank you, AllofGrace for your encouraging words. . . I’m glad that God put people in your life at your church to encourage you, and that this site and others were helpful as you did your research.

You know, through my years of reading and researching about Babywise, I think I finally put my finger on the crux of the problem with the whole approach. While it has huge problems with out-of-date breastfeeding information and serious theological problems, I think the heart of the problem is that BW skips the foundation of the parent-child relationship, an all-important stage called building TRUST–and skips right to Stage 2, teaching a child to accept limits.

Trust is the foundation of all human relationships, and only a child who has been taught to trust will easily accept limits. How does a baby learn to trust? By quickly and appropriately meeting its basic needs—food, clothing, clean diaper, and yes, I’ll add to Gary’s list—comfort with human touch and companionship. Repeatedly delaying these basic needs (as BW teaches) often leads to a child who is depressed and later, a toddler who is very defiant and/or sad and withdrawn. It might “work” (meaning your baby sleeps), but the price to be paid can be enormous.

This website with a flow chart of development stages is one of my favorites:

http://www.attachmentdisorder.net/What_is_attachment_disorder.htm

It isn’t easy being a parent 24/7 and making the massive investments of time and energy that little people require. Believe me, I know whereof I speak! Anyone who knows my three knows that they have very active brains and very active bodies, and that I’m often a very tired mom. But I consider these years of almost non-stop giving to be well worth the investment, and I’m thankful to say, that I have three lovely littles to show—happy, bright, sociable kids (yes, they’ve had their shy, don’t-leave-me-mommy stages) who, yes, are still kids.

Any book or method that purports to take a lot of the work out of parenting is no better than a get-rich-quick scheme, in my opinion. The truth is in parenting, like most things in life, you get what you pay for. For our family, the payoffs on our investment are already .priceless.

Most of the blogs around the web that are anti-ezzo deal with Babywise and their teachings about parenting babies. Are there some out there dealing with the GKGW part of the series? Our youth ministry swears by GKGW and the teen equivalent, but really they do the “spit out the bones” type of teaching with it. Sadly, tho, we have so many young parents here who are looking for a foolproof plan, they just cannot see that GKGW cannot deliver on its promises of Godly children if you parent just so.

We followed Prep for Parenting strictly w/ our firstborn, now 16 years old. It left me joyless and feeling like a failure as a new mom if it didn’t turn out exactly as it was supposed to. 2 years later, I gave birth to a very sick little girl – born with a severe congenital heart defect. She struggled so very much and was in the hospital almost constantly. The principles just weren’t going to work and I could only even hold her so often. She had only lived 11 weeks when God in His sovereign mercy called her home. One of the things I learned through this time was that our children are far too precious to be constantly worrying about what the clock says or that they must cry and cry. I’d give anything to have her here for just a day – I’d hold her and never put her down or watch the clock.

The Lord was gracious to give us two more children after our sweet daughter. He freed me not to focus on clocks and timing and simply follow the wisdom of His word, the instincts He placed in me, and the support of my husband.

Aside from His great faithfulness since we lost our daughter, the Lord has reminded me of the fact that my kids need my love, training in His word and to hear the gospel applied to every situation they face. I can trust Him with the rest.

Thanks for this info – I believe many need to hear it.

Thank you so much for all that you do. I’m so happy to find your blog!

Dear Tulip Girl,
I just came across your website via Pyromaniacs. I really enjoy it. I was reading your posts on the Ezzos. I was aware somewhat of the controversy and problems with them. I must say that I read their books and followed them somewhat. I certainly can see the problems as in they almost become cult like. I can say for a fact that by following their basic scheduling system of sleep/eat/play that it was a life saver for myself, husband and babies. I do believe that I was a little over the top with my first son, but then do to my mother(who by the way had us on a schedule as babies) telling me that I was “hyper-scheduling” I calmed down with my other two. I still stuck with the basic schedule and all my babies were happy and sleeping at around 8 weeks. I do think that books like this can be dangerous, just like any “help” book. You have to be very grounded and place all you read up against the Bible. The problem is that too many well-meaning parents don’t do this. They take well regarded “Christians” words for absolute truth. We must be vigilant.