TulipGirl

This is a repost from what a friend shared about three years ago, The Fruit of Pearl Parenting.

Sadly, we are hearing more about deaths that have been related to the teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy Ministries, and specifically their book “To Train Up a Child.”

What isn’t in the news are the many children who are abused, often by loving, well-meaning parents. When family relationships are disrupted or families have abuse that isn’t reported or doesn’t end in death, we don’t hear it. But the Pearls and their teachings have been around long enough for older children and adults to share the fruit of these ideas.

Please be clear, I’m not saying that normally healthy families don’t have problems — we all do. We all struggle and need to lean into the grace the Gospel of Jesus Christ in our families. Hurt and pain happen to all of us in this fallen world. But embracing false teachings such as these only makes it worse. . .

Thank you for sharing with such transparency, Jo.

QUOTE:

“You want to talk fruits of a parenting? Let’s compare and contrast myself with…oh MY PARENTS. My mother is a faithful and avid reader of NGJ. She adores the Pearls and when I first became a mother made it very clear that to be a good mother I needed to adhere to their methods as well.

“While I was not raised specifically by TTUAC because it was not yet written, I was raised in that same method, in that same Christian culture and my mother certainly does adhere to TTUAC methods with the 5 she is currently raising.

“So, let’s see. Mom has 3 adult children and 1 on the verge with which to judge her parenting. Oh but wait, she doesn’t speak to her adult children anymore. We’re too dysfunctional and of this world now for her to have time for. And, for our own part, we happen to believe she should have been locked up for her selfish parenting and her child abuse…oh, that’s right, the Pearls call it Biblical parenting. My sister’s therapist recently called it battery acid. I thought that was a good description.

“So, my mother has 3 thriving healthy adult children whom she has no contact with whatsoever. She has 8 (with a 9th on the way) grandchildren, all of which she is forbidden to have any contact with. Her 17 year old is desperately waiting to finish high school next year so he can get out of her house and has NO intention of speaking to her once he leaves. Her 14 year old hates her and tells me this via emails when she gets a chance. Her 12 year old…well, he’s attempted to run away repeatedly now. Verdict is still out on the 11 and 10 year olds. But, to be quite honest, that’s not a track record I would want for my parenting of 8 children. At least 5 either have no contact or openly state they will have no contact once they are old enough to leave her home.

“Good, Pearl Biblical parenting at work for you, ladies. I lived it. I should know.

“Meanwhile, I subscribe to a gentler, more loving parenting style. I prefer to parent as if Jesus were actively watching me and actively reminding me that I must be like a child to enter the Kingdom myself.

“My children are amazing. I don’t just say this as a proud mother. My youngest son’s therapist informed me Thursday he’s NEVER met children like mine. Church members weep to see the beauty of my children. Heck, I weep to see the beauty that God has blessed me with in these children.

“Oh, therapist you say. Yes, see my youngest son is still a fosterchild. He has huge demons in his heart and soul still. We’re still fighting. No, we’re not waiting for the countdown until we can spank him. We’re fighting to help him heal.

“And, here is the TRUE mark of my children for you. This week, my son’s therapist told us to give up on him. Told us the cost to save him will be too great for the other children to pay.

“Being good parents, we discussed this with the other children. Afte rall, the fight to save and heal this one will take the largest toll on these children. I honestly expected at least a few of the children to say yes, we must give up.

“They didn’t. And, they had no reason to feel they had to say something *we* expected, because we are honestly weak and fragile and aren’t sure we can help this child heal.

“Nope. My children clearly demonstrated the love of Christ in a way I had forgotten in the trenches with this hurting child. They unanimously told us we MUST carry on. They LOVE him, even though they know he does not love them. And, as far as they are concerned, his life is worth what it will cost them. Furthermore didn’t we, mommy and daddy, remember that this is precisely what Jesus would have us do? This is what Jesus wanted us to do And, no matter how naughty and difficult this child is, Jesus still loves him and we must too.

“I’m not a perfect parent. Far from it, honestly. But, I didn’t spank this fruit of the Spirit into my children. I showed them by example what it means to live a life in the shadow of the Cross. And, they have chosen to find their own path to that Cross and to live a life always conscious of what their Savior would have them do. I didn’t stand and attempt to BE their Savior, as Pearl would tell us we should. I merely allowed my life to be an example to point the way to that Cross. Their Savior found them, each and every one of them, he claimed them and they have chosen to follow HIM, not me, HIM.

“And, unlike Micheal Pearl, when my children went to that Cross to find their Savior, they never found me there telling them I represented their Savior. They found a merciful and loving God one they have chosen to follow. And, today, one they have chosen to remain in obedience to even at a high cost to themselves to fight for the heart of a little brother who has never known true love and true commitment and safety before entering this home and being surrounded by these siblings.

“Now, I’m sorry. But, for me the question of whether to follow Micheal Pearl or my Christ is a very simple answer. I look at my parents who followed Pearl and I see the fruits of their labors. And, I look at my children, whom have been raised with the love and mercy that a forgiving and protective Creator would have them raised in. I see fruits in my children which humble me. I see hearts in tune with their Creator in ways I can only wish to be. And, I realize quite simply that Micheal Pearl has missed the mark.

“Hurting children? Yup, missing the mark and deciding to be the Savior for your children is definitely hurting children. I should know. I was one of those children hurt by this parenting method.

_________

Thank you, Jo, for sharing from such a vulnerable place in life. May God continue to heal your family and your children — as well as your parents and siblings still struggling.

The Pearls have published a response to Hana Williams’s death. Unlike with Lydia Schatz, they are no longer laughing.

Parents who utilize and/or support No Greater Joy Ministries, Michael and Debi Pearl, or the book “To Train Up a Child” sometimes have trouble understanding how a book they find “helpful” can really be so harmful.

Common responses from these parents to the news of the abuse and deaths of Sean Paddock, Lydia Schatz, and Hana Williams are along these lines:

“We … have read “To Train Up a Child” and have actually gotten some good practical advice from it. I never interpreted them to be condoning child abuse, but simply giving practical ways to discipline (flicking the hand, never disciplining in anger, finding creative approaches, etc.) … I am certainly not condoning everything in Michael Pearl’s book, but I have a hard time blaming them for the terrible cases of child abuse done by other parents who claimed to follow Michael Pearl’s teaching. I think they disastrously misinterpreted the book.”

This is similar to the excuse the Pearls make themselves. . . it is never parents following their teachings who abuse — but parents who are NOT following their teachings.

In my experience, a lot of parents first read TTUAC with what a friend calls having a “good-mommy filter” on. . . only the positives come through in an initial reading (tying heartstrings, being consistent, etc.)

But, when parents are struggling or their children aren’t conforming, they go back to TTUAC. And what messages are found then? Consistency (which can be good), and beyond that a “parents-must-win-at-all-costs” message.

While this is just one quote, it illustrates a repeated theme in their writings,

“And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher, more patiently enduring and are unmoved by his wailing. Defeat him totally. Accept no conditions for surrender. No compromise. You are to rule over him as a benevolent sovereign. Your word is final.”
from To Train Up a Child, by Michael and Debi Pearl
Chapter 6: Applying the Rod)

Defeat totally. No compromise.

Consistency.

Train through swatting (smacking, spanking, switching… different terms used in different places in the book. . . regardless, “training” uses an implement on a child’s skin to case pain.)

It doesn’t take long to see that if a child is not “easily” trained and compliant immediately, a parent trying to do the “right” thing will be led by the Pearls’ teachings and philosophy to abuse.

A child who doesn’t understand, doesn’t comply, or isn’t submissive right away. . . A parent is taught to be consistent, defeat totally, continue spanking/swatting/smacking. . .

In this context, can you see how easily the Pearls’ teachings can lead to abuse?

I’ve know parents. . . loving, well-meaning, dear parents. . . Parents who never spanked in anger. . . who got to the point where they saw they were ABUSING their children (in love. . . with good intentions) because of this underlying theme of consistency and total defeat.

Does this help make sense of why some people are very upset and alarmed about a resource some parents only remember as helpful?

Good and related resources:
Spanking in Anger Isn’t the Problem
In Defense of the Pearls. . . Some Thoughts
Why Blame the Pearls at All?

Long before the tragic deaths of Sean Paddock, Lydia Schatz, and Hana-Grace Rose Williams, Christians have been raising concerns about the parenting and theological teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl.

In spite of the folksy encouragement to “tie heartstrings,” the underlying philosophy of the these teachings miss out on the place of the Gospel in parenting the littlest disciples in our families. I am re-posting an email conversation I had with a young woman several years ago, because I believe it can help people who are upset about these children’s deaths understand that larger, harmful philosophical context of the Pearls teachings. Similarly, I think it can help parents who have only gleaned a few good ideas from the Pearls understand why so many other parents find the overarching message to be harmful.

Originally posted March 2005 and again May 2008:

This is an e-mail conversation I had with a young woman not long ago about the Pearls and their highly punitive parenting ideas. Although I’m more concerned about helping parents see the problems with Ezzo, I decided to make available here some of my thoughts about the Pearls/To Train Up a Child/No Greater Joy.

_________________________________________________

Hello, TulipGirl. My name is *******, and we’ve crossed each other’s paths on a board by a woman named ********* talking about the book To Train Up a Child by Michael and Debi Pearl.

Hi, *******!

I remember you from *******’s blog. *grin*

I’ve been researching all I can about the Pearls, and I’ve come across your name a couple of times.

Research is good. I’m sure you’ve found a mixed bag of people who are thrilled with TTUAC and those who aren’t–as well as those who are rational about their opinions about TTUAC and those who are very emotional or accusatory. The Pearls aren’t my “pet issue” so I’m a bit surprised you came across my name a few times. I looked back through some things I’ve posted online and realized I had written more than I thought about them.

First, I’m interested to know what you (and others) find so objectionable about the Pearls.

The heart of the issue is that they are teaching something they claim is Biblical, but is instead based on Behaviour Modification and building a subculture. They are very persuasive, especially to young parents. I believe their underlying philosophy goes against applying the Gospel of Jesus Christ in our family life.

One way this comes up is, while there is mention of “tying heart strings”, there is far more that leads parents/children into an antagonistic relationship. The parent/child antagonism is one of the key problems I have with the ******** site, in spite of the many professions of love and delight in children. The attitude behind “ambushing” children is antagonistic. The attitude of “power struggles” and “outlasting” is antagonistic. And, I believe, unsupportable Biblically.

Galatians 6 talks about discipline. . . “Brothers, if someone is caught in sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. . .” Restoring gently, being careful yourself–that sounds nothing like the Pearls.

This antagonistic attitude towards children also comes across in things like their constant comparison between children made in the image of God and likening them to mere animals–horses, dogs, etc. For example:

“Training does not necessarily require that the trainee be capable of reason; even mice and rats can be trained to respond to stimuli. Careful training can make a dog perfectly obedient. If a seeing-eye dog can be trained to reliably lead a blind man through the obstacles of a city street, shouldn’t a parent expect more out of an intelligent child? A dog can be trained not to touch a tasty morsel laid in front of him. Can’t a child be trained not to touch? A dog can be trained to come, stay, sit, be quiet or fetch upon command. You may not have trained your dog that well, yet every day someone accomplishes it on the dumbest mutts.”
TTUAC, Chapter 1

“I became anxious and started pushing him to perform. He was making me look silly. “What right does he have to do this to me? Me, of all people. My family would have thought I was so smart, and now I look dumb. Stupid dog. Must be inbred.” Sensing my disapproval, he started to shy away from me. To get my approval, he must make me look good in public. After all, what is a dog good for, but to elevate his master?”
TTUAC, Chapter 18

Of course, the Pearls were talking about their dog here–but in the context of training children. The message is “What is a child good for, but to elevate his parent?” The focus shifts from discipling the little blessings God has given us, to placing our children’s worth on how well they perform. As well as deriving our worth as adults on our children’s performance.

Sadly, I know a lot of Christian parents who fall into the trap of thinking that way–that our children must be perfectly behaved, especially around others–and that leads parents and children into legalism, rather than into building a stronger relationship with one another and trusting in God. Pride and trusting one’s “child training” can sometimes quench one’s trust in God.

Another problem I have with the book is the theology. As Doug Wilson aptly said,

“The innate sinfulness of the child is denied, which leads the Pearls to sharply distinguish training from discipline. Training is what the innocent infants and toddlers get, and is identical to what puppies get when they don’t go on the newspapers. Discipline supposedly comes later when sin enters the picture. While this is not a book of theology, a Finney-like Pelagianism runs near the surface. And while there are some similarities between animal training and child-discipline, the distinctions between the two are not adequately maintained in this book. The result of this confusion is not only heretical, but also offensive to any parents who value the dignity of their children.”

I believe our parenting should be shaped by our theology–and I’ve found as I’ve grown in my walk with the Lord and in studying theology that it has impacted my parenting in a very big way.

I read a passage in the TableTalk devotional recently that pointed out to me, yet again, how theology impacts parenting.

“God is Father (James 1:27) and therefore loves His children deeply. Yet God is Judge (James 5:9) and thus is required to punish sin. God’s love and righteousness, we know, motivated Him to accomplish redemption for us based on the sacrifice of His perfect Son who suffered the punishment we all deserve.” –Robert Rothwell, TableTalk January 2005

Our children are part of the Covenant, and I believe Christ has already suffered the punishment for their sin on the Cross. I do not need to “punish” them when they do wrong. I do need to discipline them, disciple them, help them see their sin and repent, as well as help them learn the “rules” of living in polite society. I am not permissive. But I do not think that using a rod to spank my toddler, ala Pearl, will cleanse them of sin. Nor do I see any command in the Bible for parents to punish children for their sin–I do see many commands to disciple, discipline, teach, love, train and chastise.

I did a study on the Fruit of the Spirit several years ago. One of the things that surprised me was that in so many passages that talked about gentleness, it was linked with discipline. God puts the two together. There are other things related to what I’ve studied in the Bible and theology that leads me to have concerns about the Pearl’s parenting, but I don’t want to overwhelm you.

As I posted before, I don’t agree with 100% of what they say,

Is there anyone that we would say we agree with 100%? *grin* I’m curious what you disagree with that they teach?

But their principle – that children should obey their parents – seems sound.

Biblical, even. *grin* Btw, it isn’t “their” principle or even that (obedience) which is what is controversial about what they teach. I’m not sure whether I mentioned over at ******’s or not, but I started my parenting journey with a strong view that I was required to make my children obey. Now I believe that I am called to help them obey, as they become the people God has created them to be. There is a world of difference between the ideas make and help.

And, a look at Ephesians 6 reminds us that God is talking to His littlest disciples in that passage, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” That’s quite a difference from if it read (as many seem to assume) “Parents, make your children obey you, for this is right in the Lord.”

And again, while sometimes they go overboard, I think their style of parenting – strict – works in the long run.

In what ways do you think they go overboard? Are you aware that there are many parents who are strict who don’t embrace a Pearl parenting style? You’d probably agree with a “mean what you say and way what you mean” attitude in parenting. Are you aware there are parents who do that without resorting to either “ambush” swats or bribery?

I mentioned on xxxx that according to one study, children who had strict boundaries were less likely to end up taking drugs as teenagers.

Firm boundaries, I believe, are a good thing. The Pearls don’t have the corner on the market for that. That is not unique to their teachings. One friend of mine, Joanne, is very firm in her boundaries but enforces those boundaries in a way that isn’t laced with Pearl-esque Behaviour Modification. Take a look Joanne’s Discipline Resource Center (now defunct).

One characteristic of those teens who did take drugs was that their parents had difficulty punishing them as children.

I’d be interested to know what is meant by “punishing.” I no longer punish my children. Christ has borne the punishment for their sins on the Cross. I do enforce boundaries and discipline my children. Personally, I have wider boundaries than I used to have with them–but they are older now and I’m less of a control freak than I was when I was a younger mom. *grin*

Second, I think a lot of people tend to lump Pearl and Ezzo together in the same boat as a knee-jerk reaction.

Knee jerk? Some people online do seem to be a bit reactionary, don’t they? *grin* The vast majority, though, seem to understand the issues either from experience, evidence-based concerns or the Bible.

I usually see Ezzo and Pearl discussed separately–only linked when misuse of the Bible is being talked about in the context of parenting teachings (or, like over at ******, when one is presented as an alternative to the other.)

I respect a parent’s decision never to spank, but somehow to me the anti-spanking movement has become a bit of a cult: Thou shalt not spank.

I can’t defend the anti-spanking movement as I’m not part of it, per se.

And somehow the anti-Pearlers, and anti-spankers in general, seem to take a “more enlightened than thou” approach:

I think we need to clarify before going on. While anti-spankers will almost always be anti-TTUAC, not everyone who has serious problems with TTUAC is an anti-spanker. Lumping them together may lead to people not seeing the concerns in TTUAC as valid. (Saying this to clarify that I know spankers who do not like TTUAC in the least.)

that they, not the parents of that particular child, know what’s best for somebody else’s family.

That’s interesting. I hear more “This is the only way to raise Godly children” from people advocating the Pearls, the ******, the Ezzos–and a lot of condescension to those poor mothers who don’t know any better or are too “afraid” to spank.

To be honest, I would love to see more grace and patience shown to mothers with different values in parenting from all involved. I am completely convinced that parents who embrace a Pearl style of parenting are doing so out of love for their children.

However, love is shown by actions as well as attitudes, and the actions the Pearls advocate are very often unloving.

The final thing: the “Pearl” method of parenting is similar to that our parents and grandparents used, to some extent, and which they still use in some countries today. It’s hard to believe that modern-day North American kids, who are less likely to be physically punished, are really so much better off psychologically than everyone else.

Likely, we will all be psychologically messed up in one way or another by mistakes our parents made. I believe a mother’s love and God’s grace cover a multitude of mistakes.

Having known people both brought up in a Pearl manner, as well as talking with the older generation you appeal to, well, I see plenty of problems.

One friend (parents were Pearl followers) continues to be estranged from her parents. Another (older generation) person I know, a dear believing woman, has gone through much counseling and spiritual growth in dealing with the constant “you don’t measure up” messages from her childhood. (And while the Pearls may deny that is what they say, they are communicating performance-based worth to their children.)

Another guy I know was the poster child for Pearl parenting. He courted a young lady, they did everything “right”, were married and divorced two years later. Only then did it come out that he had been living a double life–the “good kid” around the homeschool groups and church, and the rebellious adult he had become. Good, godly, strict parents. . .

Another family’s oldest son started sleeping around at 12 (again, a family who was doing everything “right” by the ideals taught by the Pearls and related subcultures) and is still involved with drugs at 25.

These were dear, praying, active Christian families who were strict and didn’t “spare the rod” but were sure to use it. They were consistent, involved in church, homeschoolers (all of them) and definitely “tying heartstrings”. I’m sure you can find good results to balance each of these sad results–but that’s not the point.

The point is the almost-blanket-guarantee that is given by the Pearls is just not sound. Early child training through quick swats when kids disobey will not guarantee an obedient child, a non-rebellious teen, or a spiritually secure and emotionally healthy adult.

I suppose the only way to “test” the Pearls’ method would be to compare, say, 100 families who used the Pearls’ method and 100 who did not. And even this would be difficult because the two groups of families would probably differ in many other ways too. Most of the anecdotes I hear about the Pearls are positive, so in some ways I don’t know why if it worked for others it would not work for me if I had kids.

*L* Well, I guess I got ahead of the flow of the e-mail with the above descriptions of some problem-child Pearl scenarios.

Whether or not it “works” is in large part determined by how you define “works.” My goal is to help my children become the people God has created them to be, with an emphasis on them relying upon God’s grace for their daily living. I want to help them learn to recognize their sin and turn to God in repentance. I want to model for them what it looks like to lean into God when we are struggling.

Meeting these goals is how I’ll eventually be able to measure whether my parenting choices are “working.” But, I can tell you now, that the teachings from the Pearls will not “work” for meeting these goals.

So I guess I just wanted to know the reason for your animosity towards the Pearls (and I’m not advocating the Pearls; I’m just curious as to why some people are so vehemently against them).

I hold no personal animosity towards the Pearls. I do oppose their teachings because they teach Behaviour Modification and call it “Biblical training.” I oppose their teaching because while it may seem to “work” in the short term for some families, it sets up an antagonistic parent/child relationship based on control. I oppose their teachings because it leaves little room for the Holy Spirit to work in the lives of the parents or children, and does not turn the children towards the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Grace and Peace,
TulipGirl

Other Related Resources:
Authoritarianism and Isolationism Among Us
Parenting Freedom: Discipline
Biblical Discipline: Conclusions
Avoiding Millstones
TTUAC Review
Why Not Train a Child?
Free E-book: Parenting in the Name of God: Review of No Greater Joy Child-Training Doctrine

Pulling me out of this blogging hibernation is another heartbreak. Again. Dear God, have mercy. . . not again?

I’d rather write about happy things. . . about the joy our family has in expecting our new baby, about the fun of our first safari, about the quirky experiences of living in a different culture. But, I’ve been tired lately (thanks, first trimester) and homeschooling and school-building-schooling and finishing my master’s. Writing and blogging has taken a back seat to real life.

And now. . .

Another child has died. RIP, Hana Grace Williams.

I heard rumors several months ago about yet ANOTHER death linked to Michael and Debi Pearl and their false teachings, especially in their book “To Train Up a Child” and their website “No Greater Joy Ministries.” But, it was just speculation, and I simply will NOT spread information that is not well documented. (Look through the archives here. . . everything I’ve written about false teachings is documented extensively.)

This is the “probable cause” document filed by the investigating detective which explains the abuse, cites “To Train Up a Child” and recommends the arrest of the Larry and Carri Williams. Arrest warrants were requested by investigating detective Theresa Luvera for adoptive parents for “Homicide by Abuse” and “Assault of a Child 1st Degree”. (Court reference numbers: Carri Williams 11-1-00928-8, Larry Williams 11-1-00927-0).

This is Hana Grace Williams. She was born in Ethiopia, and died at age 13 in Skagit County, Washington.

Her death was attributed directly to hypothermia, with malnutrition and helicobacter pylori chronic gastritis contributing.

“Wait!” I hear Pearl supporters saying. “That doesn’t sound like anything taught in TTUAC!”

Yes, Pearl supporters, TTUAC does NOT say to starve and freeze your child to death. But the actions taken by the Williams ARE consistent with the philosophy and teachings within TTUAC. Hosing off a child for potty accidents (including cold showers). Withholding food. Striking with a plumbing supply line. Larry Williams explained and provided the instrument to investigators: “he spanked with an instrument he picked up from a plumbing supply store. He gave us this stick. lt was a flexible white piece of plastic with a round ball on the end of it. lt was approximately 12 to 15 inches length.”

You don’t believe me? You don’t remember reading anything in TTUAC that would justify (in their minds at least) the Williams’ parenting actions? Let me refresh your memory:

Quote, from TTUAC:

So, my suggestion was that the father explain to the boy that, now that he was a man, he would no longer be washed in the house. He was too big and too stinky to be cleaned by the babywipes. From now on, he would be washed outside with a garden hose. The child was not to be blamed. This was to be understood as just a progressive change in methods. The next dump, the father took him out and merrily, and might I say, carelessly, washed him off. What with the autumn chill and the cold well water, I don’t remember if it took a second washing or not, but, a week later, the father told me his son was now taking himself to the pot. The child weighed the alternatives and opted to change his lifestyle. Since then, several others have been the recipients of my meddling, and it usually takes no more than three cheerful washings.

Quote, from the Pearls’ website:

Now, there are some flavors or textures that we just have an aversion for. Allow each child one or two dislikes, just don’t let their preferences be too limited. If a child doesn’t like what is on the table, let him do without until the next meal. A little fasting is good training. If you get a child who is particularly finicky and only eats a limited diet, then feed him mainly what he doesn’t like until he likes it.

Follow either of those with “consistency” (another key theme in the Pearls’ teachings) and it is understandable how the Williams ended up treating their adoptive children, and how it ended in the death of Hana Grace.

Lord, have mercy.

Related, here at TulipGirl:
About Lydia Schatz’s Death
About Sean Paddock’s Death
Fruits of Pearl Parenting
On the Pearls and Parenting
Avoiding Millstones

Related, offsite:
Why Not To Train A Child?
Parenting in the Name of God: Review of NGJ Child-Training Doctrine
Parenting Freedom: Another Child Dies of Punishment
Local News Story on Hana Grace
Rey Reynoso Examines the Pearls’ Parenting Methods
Skagit County Courts

“Every philosophy has a corresponding pathology.” Oh, wait. Wrong parenting guru.

Yet it is true that in the Christian subculture, whether we are cognizant of it or not, our parenting practices have an underlying theology. Sadly, these theologies of parenting are often not carefully considered. Some parents may feel it is intimidating to be told they should carefully think through their theology of parenting, when all they really want is to “do the right thing” and enjoy their children.

A prominent stream of thought in Christian parenting is promoted by Michael and Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy Ministries, especially in their book “To Train up a Child”.

David and C.L. Dyck have carefully considered the underlying theology of the parenting promoted by the Pearls, and laid it out clearly for Christian parents. Sadly, the faulty theology of the Pearls has harmed many families, physically and spiritually. I

David and C. L. Dyck’s book “Parenting in the Name of God: Review of No Greater Joy Child-Training Doctrine” has just been released. I highly recommend it to all Christian parents.

And as a reminder to all of us:

And lastly, and I say this gently, as the parent of grown kids, knowing *insert parenting guru* is also the parent of grown kids: we have wonderful children — he does, I’m sure — and so do I.

But without even knowing his children I can know this about them: they are not perfect. They hurt. They make mistakes. They struggle. They are prideful and overly simplistic at times; and crippled by shame and hesitancy at others. Yes — they are beautiful examples of human beings, his children (I assume), and mine (I know.) But they are not perfect. If they were, they would not be human.

If it were possible to raise children to perfection, then God would have sent a parenting method, not Jesus.

Our marching orders are not to raise our children by a method to be like *insert parenting guru* children. Our marching orders are to be Christians to and with our children.

-katiekind

From KHSLTV:

The Paradise couple accused of beating their adopted daughter to death and critically injuring another will not be going trial after reaching a last minute plea deal with prosecutors. Trial for Kevin and Elizabeth Schatz was to begin Monday, but on Friday afternoon Kevin Schatz agreed to plead guilty to all the charges against him, including first degree murder and torture, in exchange for a reduced charge of voluntary manslaughter for his wife.

The agreement means the couple’s children will not have to testify in court. . . More.

More from the Chico Enterprise Record.

Read here to understand the context.

More:

While there has been discussion about the Schatzes’ whippings being based on “biblical chastisements” drawn from the teachings of a fundamentalist religious organization known as No Greater Joy Ministry, Ramsey said he hadn’t planned to focus on the teachings in his prosecution.

He said he had been prepared to address it if it was raised by the defense.

Lord, have mercy on us all.

Another child hospitalized for abuse, related to Michael and Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy Ministries and their child training teachings.

Last week, it came to my attention that a young girl has been removed from her Mennonite home due to renal failure related to child abuse.

And it appears that the Pearl Method of Child Training was being implemented in that home as well. Now, this child’s story will likely never make the news because she did not die.

Sean Paddock died. Lydia Schatz died, her sister Zariah pulled through. How many more children have been abused by loving, Christian parents misled by harmful teachings? How many children have been abused to the point of injury, but not death? How many children will have long-term medical problems that aren’t seen yet in childhood?

Lord, have mercy on us all.

One year ago today, 7-year-old Lydia Schatz died after her adoptive parents disciplined her to the point of death.

Lydia was a vivacious little girl, adopted from Liberia. People who knew her say she had the most heart-warming smile.

I sit here crying. Heavy-hearted. February is a difficult month for me: mourning Lydia and Sean Paddock, facing the reality of abuse within the church and Christian families.

Lydia’s adoptive parents, Kevin and Elizabeth Schatz, are currently in jail in Butte County, California. They are awaiting trial. (See records here: case numbers CM032009 and CM032008.) Later this month are scheduled the trial readiness conference (2/17/11) and the jury trial (2/28/11). They each have been charged with murder, torture, and cruelty to child by inflicting injury. The murder charge is related to Lydia’s death, the torture charge is related to her sister (also adopted) who was hospitalized but recovered, and cruelty charge related to a biological son’s injuries.

Lydia died from rhabdomyolsis, a condition related to kidney and heart failure from toxins released when muscle tissue breaks down. Lydia’s muscles broke down as a result of repeated beatings over time, though her death was proceeded by an especially long “discipline” session.

Lydia’s parents used a plumbing supply line, which is recommended by Michael and Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy Ministries in their book “To Train Up A Child.” Both plumbing supply line and TTUAC were found in the Schatz home and the older children have attested to those methods being used in their home.

While death is not a common result from the implementation of TTUAC, this is not the first time that a child has died when parents have carefully and consistently applied the so-called “child training methods” espoused by the Pearls. In February 2006, 4-year-old Sean Paddock was killed. How many other unreported cases of quiet abuse are happening under the influenced of these harmful, unBiblical teachings?

O LORD, you hear the desire of the afflicted;
you will( strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear
to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed,
so that man who is of the earth may strike terror no more.
–Psalm 10:18-19

Compounding the tragedy is the professed love of these parents for their children, the desire to nurture their children through homeschooling, the commitment to seek out help in parenting.

Further compounding the tragedy is that Lydia and her sister Zaraiah were adopted. Her parents needed to provide love, security, attachment. . . and instead beat them with a plumbing supply line. Sean was a foster son in the process of being adopted.

Sing to God, sing praises to his name;
lift up a song to him who rides through the deserts;
his name is the LORD;
exult before him!
Father of the fatherless and
protector of widows
is God in his holy habitation.
God settles the solitary in a home;
–Psalm 68:4-6

We need to remember Lydia. We need to remember Sean.

We need to remember the children who need families, who are in families.

We need to speak for those who cannot speak for themselves.

We need to open our eyes to the abuse within our own communities.

May God have mercy on us all.

The Family Issues / Discernment website is down. I don’t know whether it has just ended its internet lifecycle or whether it is a temporary hiccup in the server. The following article is one I’ve linked to many times in the past and as it has permission granted to reprint, I’m providing it here in full for future reference.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Permission is hereby granted to reprint and distribute “Avoiding Millstones”, provided it is reprinted/distributed in its entirety and without alteration (including this statement). In fact, readers are encouraged to distribute this article, in an attitude of prayerful humility, wherever appropriate.

Avoiding Millstones
An Open Letter to Those Who Advocate Spanking

by Rebecca Prewett

The following paragraphs, which I am including by way of introduction to my open letter, were excerpted from Westword. Please be forewarned that they are quite disturbing and upsetting to those of us whose hearts are tender towards children:

… Renee said she wanted to relinquish custody of David but that if she did so, it would ruin her marriage. Renee reportedly added that her husband didn’t share her belief that the boy had serious problems and that she felt he was being unsupportive…

One of Renee’s friends later told police that Renee had been afraid something like this would happen. According to adoption caseworker Kathy Edick, Renee said she’d told her therapist that “if she ever hit David, she wouldn’t be able to stop.”

__________________________________

My dear brothers and sisters in Christ,

Surely we are all sickened and horrified beyond words when we read accounts such as the one I’ve quoted above. Our hearts grieve for the children. Our souls grieve for the reproach this brings on the name of our Savior, the One Who not only welcomed children in love, but issued stern warnings against those who would harm and offend them:

But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe unto the world because of offenses! for it must needs be that offenses come; but woe to that man by whom the offense cometh! (Matthew 18:6-7)

Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, that in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in Heaven. (Matthew 18:10)

My purpose in writing this letter is not to argue whether or not spanking has its place in the Christian home. Instead, it is to appeal to those in the Body of Christ who teach and advocate spanking that you would do so responsibly, prayerfully, humbly, fearfully, and in a manner consistent with the whole counsel of God.

In the hope that God might use me in even the smallest way to prevent further tragedy, I beseech you to prayerfully consider teaching and advocating the following:

1. Please teach that some implements and objects should never be used to spank children. In Proverbs 23:13, we read, “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.” Some take this verse to mean that any spanking implement should, by inference, be incapable of causing death or injury. Certainly common sense should tell us that some implements are dangerous and unsuitable.

2. Please teach that some parents, for the sake of their children and their own obedience to the instruction of our Savior, should not spank:

* those who lack emotional self-control and have not mastered their tempers. While “You should not spank when you are angry” is good advice, it may not go far enough. Some parents need to be told, “If you have a problem with anger, you should not spank.”
* those who are not genuinely grieved and distressed at the thought of spanking their beloved children. Our parents used to say, “This will hurt me more than it hurts you.” Although such a statement doesn’t make sense to children, a parent who does not find spanking grievous, but enjoys or derives some sort of satisfaction from it–who looks forward to an opportunity to spank in order to exert control–has no business spanking.
* those who have sinned by injuring their children–even slightly–in the course of spanking or any sort of discipline. It should go without saying that spankings should not cause injuries such as bruises and welts. However, there can be “hidden” injuries as well: spinal misalignment, shaken baby syndrome, etc. And let us not take lightly the possibility for spankings, wrongly administered, to injure the spirit of the child.
* those who lack parenting skills to the point that they believe spankings are the only way that they can “control” their children. In an online discussion, some mothers complained about not daring to spank their children in public. Apparently, these mothers had such a poor relationship with their children that, unless they could spank immediately, their children had absolutely no motivation to obey. Such parents, who tend to spank excessively, need to be taught an entirely different way to exercise godly authority.
* those who are harsh in spirit, especially those who are prideful and boastful of being strict disciplinarians–and who seem to derive satisfaction from causing their children to fear.
* those who are not distressed and sorrowful over the tears of their children. Unfortunately, many parents have trained themselves to harden their hearts against the cries of their children. (“His crying annoyed me so that I spanked him again.” “I’ve gotten used to letting my baby cry it out for however long it takes.”) Such parents often lack the ability to determine whether a spanking has become overly harsh or even abusive. It is frightening to what extent they will remain unmoved by the pain and distress of their injured little ones.
* those who lack tenderness and compassion towards their children, or who lack the ability to express love to their children in a meaningful way. Such parents are in danger of either provoking their children to wrath or breaking the spirits of their children, if not abusing them physically.

I’m sure rational Christians would all agree that those parents mentioned above should be counseled, rebuked where necessary–even brought under church discipline if there is unrepentant sin–and urged to cease immediately from spanking. They need to be taught godly alternatives.

In light of this, I would also humbly ask those who advocate spanking to consider prayerfully whether they know their audience well enough to instruct them on this topic. Some spanking advocates seem to teach as if their audience consisted mainly of permissive wimps who need to be exhorted, with almost evangelistic fervor, to spank. However, we must all consider if a mother who is, to quote a real example, raising welts under her baby’s diaper (welts she described as making her “want to puke”) really needs more encouragement to spank. I would beg you, unless you are fully certain before God that your message about spanking could not possibly be used to justify abuse, that you would consider either altering your message or only teaching it to those whom you know personally. And, even then, we must be careful. I’m sure that none of us want to experience the horrible anguish and regrets that Lynn Roche, mentioned in the newspaper article quoted above, must feel.

3. Please teach that parents who spank should do so in an attitude of grief over sin and in an attempt to model both the justice and mercy of God. Hebrews 12:6 is often quoted as teaching us that we must discipline our children if we love them. I would argue that it also teaches us that any form of discipline, even spanking, must be an expression of godly love, as beautifully defined in 1 Corinthians 13.

4. Please teach the whole counsel of God. Do not allow parents to be misled into believing that “chastisement” and “spanking” are synonyms, or that spanking is either a divine commandment or the only Biblically appropriate form of discipline.

5. Please do not attempt to bind the consciences of those who resist the idea of spanking their children. Perhaps God, Who knows their frailties, has given them their conviction against spanking for a reason.

6. Please teach the following words of our God and Savior Jesus Christ:

Verily I say unto you, except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe unto the world because of offenses! for it must needs be that offenses come; but woe to that man by whom the offense cometh! Wherefore if thy hand or they foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire. And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire. Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, that in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in Heaven. For the Son of man is come to save that which was lost. (Matthew 18: 3-11)

May it never be said that those who name the name of Christ are advocating anything less–or more–than what He would have us teach. And may our hands or feet–or words–never be a source of offense to little ones.

May none of us be worthy of millstones!

Your sister in Christ,

Rebecca Prewett
Mother of six
Developer of “Our Corner of the Web” (http://www.fix.net/~rprewett) an Internet site featuring resources of interest to Christian families

UPDATE: Renee Polreis was convicted and sentenced for the murder of her adopted son. Although her defense, in essence, attempted to blame the toddler for his own death, the jury found Mrs. Polreis guilty. She since appealed, and lost. Some of her friends insist that the child was suffering from Reactive Attachment Disorder and that he literally beat himself to death. It seems that the courts continue to disagree.

ADDITIONAL UPDATE: It has come to my attention that some readers have misinterpreted the above article to mean that I equate all spanking with abuse. I believe that a careful reading of what I wrote should make clear that this is not my position.

Douglas Wilson, in his book Standing on the Promises, offers much wisdom on the topic of discipline. I’m going to quote some of the statements that seem especially apropos to this article:

Discipline is corrective; it seeks to accomplish a change in the one being disciplined. Punishment is meted out in the simple interests of justice

It is not enough to have a context of love surrounding all acts of discipline. The discipline itself is to be done in a loving way. If a parent has the attitude of “Let me at that kid!” and is angry or embarrassed, he is spiritually disqualified to administer the discipline. When the parent is qualified to discipline, he probably does not feel like it, and when he feels like it, he is probably not qualified. This is why discipline must be applied in obedience to God’s Word, and not in a an emotional reaction to a particular situation.

Obviously Renee Polreis was not spiritually qualified to discipline her son. My entire point of this article was to admonish those who advocate spanking to be cautious and wise in helping their audience determine whether they are spiritually qualified to spank their children.

On a further note, I’ve been asked several times via email some rather personal questions about our family’s disciplinary practices. After giving it considerable thought, I’ve decided that two answers are in order to any who would ask in the future:

1. How complete strangers on the Internet discipline their children should not enter into any parents’ decision making process on this important issue.
2. It is important for me to respect the privacy of my children, especially as they are growing older. I consider any sins and failings on their part and the resultant discipline to be something that I should not trumpet forth to strangers, especially since these failings would be forgiven by the time I would be answering questions posed via email. My children (those old enough to voice opinions) tend to agree.

copyright 1997 by Rebecca Prewett

KHSL has done an in-depth, three-part series spurred by recent child abuse in their area of California, including the tragic death of Lydia Schatz. Part one of “For the Children’s Sake” focuses on the Schatz family and Michael Pearl of No Greater Joy Ministries.

(Note: Click on Part 1 for the report on Lydia Schatz.)

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.

(Thanks to Linda for the head’s up, and the Pastor Matthew Raley for his willingness to be interviewed.)

Kevin and Elizabeth Schatz have each been charged with “Felony 187(a) PC MURDER;” “Felony 206 PC TORTURE W/ S.A. 12022.7(a) 1192.7(C)(8);” and Misdemeanor (A) 273a(b) PC CRUELTY TO CHILD BY INFLICTING INJURY” according to the Superior Court of California, County of Butte.

On Thursday, 3/18/10, they were in court and each pleaded “not guilty.” You can read the news stories from the Chico Enterprise Record and the Oroville Mercury Register.

(Note: In some news stories Kevin Schatz is being referred to as Kenneth Schatz, but the legal records are in the name of Kevin Paul Schatz.)

According to the above news stories, Michael Harvey, defense attorney for Kevin Schatz, has stated the parents are “heartbroken and still in shock over this tragedy… We have heard what the district attorney has said and is saying, and we are exploring extensively other explanations for the death of this child… This is a close-knit family of nine and for the past 16 years.”

Attorney Kevin Sears is representing Elizabeth Schatz, said states he is continuing to “aggressively investigate,” but is not commenting yet.

DA Michael Ramsey explained the autopsy on Lydia Schatz showed she died from “blunt force trauma” and that they pathologist reported “multiple whip-like striations between the child’s lower back and knees.” The autopsy shows there was a rapid breakdown of muscle tissue which leads to damage to the kidneys and other organs.

According to the news article, “Ramsey said some the couple’s six biological children told investigators of being chastised by their parents with a quarter-inch rubber or plastic “plumbing supply line” that was found in the ridge home, along with a book written by a fundamentalist religious group in Tennessee [Michael Pearl of No Greater Joy Ministries] which espoused using the device to help train children to be more obedient to God and their parents. “The older daughter indicated that they did follow that as a discipline philosophy in the family,” the district attorney said.”

Later in the article, “Dr. Thomas Resk, the county medical examiner, concluded the younger girl died from “multiple complications caused by blunt-force trauma to the muscles and soft-tissue … resulting in the release of the injured cell content into the bloodstream” and damaging her heart, kidneys and other organs. … Asked whether the child had any prior health problems that could have contributed to her death, Ramsey said that “other than prior scarring … we know of none.”

I do not know what the legal strategies will be for DA Ramsey or the attorneys for the Schatz parents. I do not excuse or justify or pass off the responsibility that Kevin and Elizabeth Schatz hold as the ones who “disciplined” their child to death.

And neither will I excuse Michael and Debi Pearl. They may not be legally responsible for the death of Lydia Schatz, but morally, ethically? Michael and Debi Pearl seek to influence parents. They do not teach “beat your child until she dies.” They DO teach to train (spank, whip) until they child is completely submitted, to use a “rod” of plumbing supply line, a “switch” or even a “belt or tree branch;” that a parent ought to defeat a child totally with no mercy; and that 5, 10, 15 or more strikes may be needed; may be needed over a period of hours or even days. These teachings are rife throughout their published writings online and in books. People, these teachings are abhorrent! These are not “Biblical” in the least, as much as the Pearls may like to label them so!

Michael and Debi Pearl may not intend to teach abuse, but their words and their philosophy lead to a logical conclusion of actions which are abusive. And in the end, as people who seek influence, they are responsible for what they communicate and how they communicate it.

Lord, have mercy on us all.

Lydia Schatz would have been eight years old today, had she not died last month.

Her autopsy was released today. My heart is hurting, again.

On Tuesday (3/16/10), the autopsy results were released. The coroner’s report shows Kevin and Elizabeth Schatz’s 7 year old daughter died from Rhabdomyolsis.

The condition is a rapid breakdown of muscle tissue that releases by-products into the bloodstream, damaging the kidneys. Prosecutors say the girl’s parents repeatedly hit her with a plastic pipe as a form of punishment. The couple’s 11 year old daughter was also hospitalized with kidney damage but has since recovered.

–NBC, KNVN

In summary, rhabdomyolysis describes how Lydia’s body received repeated strikes to the point her muscle tissue started to break down. The body could not cope with the tissue breakdown.

Rhabdomyolysis occurs when there is damage to the skeletal muscle.

The injured muscle cell leaks myoglobin (a protein) into the blood stream. Myoglobin can be directly toxic to kidney cells, and it can impair and clog the filtration system of the kidney. Both mechanisms can lead to kidney failure, which is the major complication of rhabdomyolysis.

Significant muscle injury can cause fluid and electrolyte shifts from the bloodstream into the damaged muscle cells, and in the other direction (from the damaged muscle cells into the bloodstream). As a result, dehydration may occur. Elevated levels of potassium in the bloodstream (hyperkalemia) may be associated with heart rhythm disturbances and sudden cardiac death due to ventricular tachycardia and ventricular fibrillation.

Related resources here, and here.

Father, in heaven, have mercy.

For the mommy-inspiration files, from katiekind:

And lastly, and I say this gently, as the parent of grown kids, knowing *insert parenting guru* is also the parent of grown kids: we have wonderful children — he does, I’m sure — and so do I.

But without even knowing his children I can know this about them: they are not perfect. They hurt. They make mistakes. They struggle. They are prideful and overly simplistic at times; and crippled by shame and hesitancy at others. Yes — they are beautiful examples of human beings, his children (I assume), and mine (I know.) But they are not perfect. If they were, they would not be human.

If it were possible to raise children to perfection, then God would have sent a parenting method, not Jesus.

Our marching orders are not to raise our children by a method to be like *insert parenting guru* children. Our marching orders are to be Christians to and with our children.

“Sadly, good desire is wrapped in bad theology and worse practice. Sin can no more be beaten out of a child as it can be beaten out of you and me. The only thing that frees us is the Gospel, the fresh wind of grace, the kindness and mercy of God. That is what we must show our children and embrace ourselves.”

Please read all of Pastor Greenwald’s article in the Bradenton Herald, There is No Such Thing as Perfect Obedience.

“Give justice to the weak and the fatherless;
maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute.
Rescue the weak and the needy;
deliver them from the hand of the wicked.”

Psalm 82:3-4

It has been one month since Lydia Schatz died while being “disciplined” by her parents who were influenced by Michael and Debi Pearl.

I’m made a modest attempt at tracking who is speaking up in their local communities. While in this medium it is easier to list those who are vocal online, I continue to hear good reports about local churches, homeschool groups, and parent-to-parent warnings about the teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl.

Please continue to share in this thread those you have heard in your churches, homeschool groups, online groups and in person, warning about the harmful teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl.

I would especially like to know of in-person conversations, local homeschool groups, pastors and other church leaders who are speaking out.

If you don’t see something listed, please let me know. . . and sometimes I do get a little behind in posting updates.

Thank you for speaking up for those who cannot speak for themselves, calling for justice for the fatherless, defending the weak.

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Pastors

Matthew Raley, Tritone Life: Is Michael Pearl Responsible For a Girl’s Death?
Michael Pearl Responds to His Critics
Sermon: Pray for Your Role (addresses the Lydia Schatz tragedy)
Senior pastor of the Evangelical Free Church in Orland, CA

Randy Greenwald: Hermeneutics, Life, and Death
There is No Such Thing as Perfect Obedience
Pastor, homeschool father of six, Florida

Jim West: A Follow Up On An Earlier Post: The Dilettantes Are Depraved
Pastor and scholar, Tennessee

Wade Burleson, When Child Training Leaves to Abuse and Murder: Pearls of Wisdom for Concerned Parents
Baptist pastor, Oklahoma

Mark Jackson, aka pastor guy: Parenting is Hard
Pastor, California

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Christian Media, Other Media

Bradenton Herald: There is No Such Thing as Perfect Obedience

World Magazine Commentary: To Brainwash a Parent
Evangelical, conservative news magazine

Religion News Blog
Kevin and Elizabeth Schatz Archives
Michael and Debi Pearl Archives
No Greater Joy Ministries Archives

Home Education Magazine: Bring Back the Boycott
And Micheal Pearl Laughs…
And Michael Pearl Laughs… Ctd.
Homeschool magazine since 1984

Benediction: Michael and Debi Pearl Linked to Another Child Abuse Death
Canadian, Christian, broadcast journalist

Virginia, Come, Weary Moms: Child Discipline or Child Abuse?
Adding Your Voices about Child Abuse
Mother of ten, publisher of Hope Chest Home School News

Don Veinot, Midwest Christian Outreach
In e-mail newsletter, no article online yet

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Authors / Speakers

Karen Campbell, ThatMom: Child Abuse in the Name of Jesus
Update on Lydia Schatz and Why It Is Not About Spanking
Pearls and Authoritarian Parenting
An Open Letter to my Brothers and Sisters in Christ Who Serve in Leadership to Homeschooling Families
Michael Pearl’s Response
So Does Michael Pearl Bear Any Responsibility for the Death of Lydia Schatz?
Peoria Area Homeschooling Group Has Removed Pearl Book From Resource List
Homeschool mom, grandmother, conference speaker, podcaster

Samuel Martin
Religious Scholar

C. L. Dyck, Scita > Scienda: Parenting in the Name of God
Life Led Learning: Child Deaths and Christian Homeschooling (first of a series analyzing the Pearls teachings)
Homeschool mom, author, editor, teacher

Karen Ehman: Box Bashing
Homeschool mom, author, speaker

Barbara Curtis, MommyLife: Lydia Schatz: shame on Mike and Debi Pearl!
Michael Pearl Laughs at His Critics, No Apology for Dead Children
Growing Outrage at Michael Pearl and his Response to Child’s Death
Cult Characteristics and the Pearls
Mike and Debi Pearl: Sample Wisdom
Mom of 12 (bio, adopted and special needs), grandma of 10, author and Montessori teacher

Angel, Rutledge6: Tragic Death of Lydia Schatz
Author of “Liberian Adoption: Preparing for Your Child’s Homecoming”

Megan, SortaCrunchy: When Extremists are Taken to the Extreme
Mom, author, editor-in-chief of Simple Kids

Elizabeth Esther: How Many More Children Must Die?
Mother, Writer, grew up in abusive fundamentalist church

Karen Braun, Spunky Homeschool: Senseless Deception
Homeschool mom of 6, freelance writer, homeschool advocate

Hillary, Quivering Daughters: How Many More Little Girls Need to Die?
Heartbroken
Author of “Quivering Daughters | When Jesus Weeps ~ True Stories of Women, Authoritarianism, and the Fundamentalist Life”

Donna Fawcett, comments about Pearl parenting
Veteran homeschool mom, author of “Thriving in the Homeschool”

Emotional Abuse and Your Faith: Lydia, The Child the Pearls Laughed At

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Homeschool Suppliers

Timberdoodle Co.: Discipline and Murder
Homeschool supply company

Home Education Magazine: Bring Back the Boycott
Homeschool magazine since 1984

Rob Shearer: Tragedy in a Homeschooling Family
Homeschool father of 11 children, church elder, Director of the Francis Schaeffer Study Center, co-founder of Greenleaf Press homeschool materials publisher

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Homeschool Moms

Kathy, Quiet Garden: When Parenting Kills – What Can We Do?
Christian Ethics in Parenting
When Parenting Kills – Update
When Parenting Kills – A Challenge to Men
More Christians Speaking Out Against the Pearls
Michael Pearl Responds
When Parenting Kills: A Teachable Moment
A Succinct Review of To Train Up a Child by Michael & Debi Pearl
Homeschool veteran, mentor, website designer

Carol, Parenting Freedom: Murder by Discipline
Murdering Children into Submission
Homeschool mom, researcher

Karen Campbell, ThatMom: Child Abuse in the Name of Jesus
Update on Lydia Schatz and Why It Is Not About Spanking
Pearls and Authoritarian Parenting
An Open Letter to my Brothers and Sisters in Christ Who Serve in Leadership to Homeschooling Families
Homeschool mom, grandmother, conference speaker, podcaster

Karen Ehman: Box Bashing
Homeschool mom, author, speaker

Sparrow’s Nest Academy: I’m Burning All the Books by the Pearls
Homeschool mom of seven

Debra, Random Thoughts: Another Death Attributed to the Pearls
Michael Pearl Answering His Critics
Spare The Rod And A Thank You
My Comments On Michael Pearl’s Post
Rebekah’s Dreaming Awake Blog
Rebekah Pearl Part One — Her Childhood
Homeschool mom of four

Virginia, Come, Weary Moms: Child Discipline or Child Abuse?
Adding Your Voices about Child Abuse
Mother of ten, publisher of Hope Chest Home School News

Karen Braun, Spunky Homeschool: Senseless Deception
Homeschool mom of 6, freelance writer, homeschool advocate

Anne, Muse Mama: Bring Back the Boycott
Fighting the Pearls’ Teachings
The Value of Gentle Mothering
The Pearls are Wrong
Giving Up on To Train Up A Child
Still Thinking about Little Lydia
A Response to Michael Pearl
Homeschool mom, nurse, tried and rejected the Pearls’ teachings

Lisa, HomeSpun Life: Fundamental Discipline
Time to Speak Up, Even if it is Hard
Homeschool mom, former Pearl supporter

Smith Soup: From Another Mamma with a Heart for Liberia
Christian, Mom to 14 adopted and bio- children

Betsy, Just Another Clay Pot: Christian Brainwashing?
The World’s Most Dangerous People
Homeschool mom

Dana, Roscommon Acres: The Pearls, Abuse, and a False Gospel
In Defense of the Pearls: Some Thoughts
Homeschool mom of five

Elizabeth Esther: How Many More Children Must Die?
Mother, Writer, grew up in abusive fundamentalist church

Anne, Birth in Ukraine
Missionary, Homeschool mom, birth educator

Valerie, Happy as Kings: On the Death of Lydia Schatz, 8
Photographer, Homeschool mom

Mama Says: Quick Takes #4
Homeschool mom of 8

Jackie, My Three Little Lights: Speaking Up and Speaking Out
Homeschool mom of 3, pastor’s wife

Vyckie, No Longer Qivering: No Greater Joy Ministries and Child Abuse
No Laughing Matter: Michael Pearl & His Chicken Mock Critics

Therese, Keeping Along Joyfully: Christian Homeschoolers, Please Read

Eight is NOT Enough: An Open Letter

Donna Fawcett, comments about Pearl parenting
Veteran homeschool mom, author of “Thriving in the Homeschool”

Kimberly, Raising Olives: The Pearls and Your Child’s Heart

The Journey: This is the Reason Why, In Jesus Name

WaterLilly: Spanking in Anger Isn’t the Problem
WaterLilly: Michael Pearl Laughs at Critics

Myrrh, Savouring Grace: Calling All Christian Families and Those Who Minister to Them

Hippie Housewife: Disciplined to Death

The Cappuccino Life: The Pearls, Sadly it has Come to This. . .

T-Bear, Contemplations of an Unconventional Christian: Mobilizing the Largely Silent Majority

MamaChesire: Without Breath to Complain

MiaZagora’s Homeschool Minutes: Michael and Debi Pearl Books and Child Abuse

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Homeschool Dads

Rob Shearer: Tragedy in a Homeschooling Family
Homeschool father of 11 children, church elder, Director of the Francis Schaeffer Study Center, co-founder of Greenleaf Press homeschool materials publisher

Randy Greenwald: Hermeneutics, Life, and Death
Pastor, homeschool father of six

Arni, I Think I Believe: Why I Will Never Spank My Daughter
Father, theology student, musician

Rey Reynoso, The Bible Archive: To Train Up A Child: An Examination of the Pearl Method
Father, artist, programmer, writer, preacher

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Homeschool Groups

Bradenton SHARE: Support Homeschool Activities Reaching Everyone
Detailed e-mail to all members and friends

Peoria APACHE: Association of Peoria Area Christian Home Educators
Removed recommendation for No Greater Joy from website

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Other Friends of Homeschoolers / Families

Paul Mathers: In Which I Talk About the Terrible Event
Quoted in Salon, knows the Schatz family

Laurie, Beauty for Ashes: In Which I Speak the Unspeakable
Knows the Schatz family

API Speaks: Parent Support is Prevention
Attachment Parenting International official blog

Glenn Chatfield, Watchman’s Bagpipes: To Train Up a Child
To Train Up A Child, Follow Up

GCM Statement: It is Time to Speak Out Against the Teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl

Judy, Wanna Walk Along: Even a Child Can Recognize Injustice
Popular, Pervasive, Controversial
Abhorrence Hits Me
Grandmother, Christian

Luci: Hold Fast

Dr. Momma, Peaceful Parenting:
No Greater Joy Ministries “Biblical” Parenting Couple Beats Child to Death

Monica, Attachment Mama: Why Parenting Support is So Critical

Linda, Parent at the Helm: Speaking Up

Aaron, Must Follow: Christians Unite Against Child Abuse

Motherhood is. . . A Matter That Needs More Attention

Jessica, Everyday Rebel: Woman, Uncensored

It’s Complicated: I Don’t Want To Write This Post

Laird and His Momma: Horror

The Greek Chorus, Sweeping the Cobwebs: Pearl Laughing All the Way to the Bank

Jay Allen, The Zero Boss: Michael and Debi Pearl’s “Expert” Parenting Advice is Killing Children

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Websites:
Why Not Train A Child
No Greater Joy Children: Raising Children Without Damaging Their Spirit

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On Twitter:

@elizabethesther
@clergygir1
@SamLundmark
@LadyHawkeyes
@NoQuivering
@sifilings
@devaskyla
@Tweet2Kay
@quiveringdaught
@rynthetyn
@LexiBadger
@ParentattheHelm
@MotheringByGrac
@ProLifeBlogs
@okiebelle
@smrtlernins
@tbone323
@SusanneBarrett
@ericpazdziora
@J4STUDIOS
@Ponteelcinturon
@magicandmayhem
@nolamom76
@MarinCountyMom
@Quiet_Daisy
@writingmomof3
@dana_wilson
@thezeroboss
@1WhiteStone
@roannawilson
@TheMuseMama
@TimberdoodleCo
@lynncorinne
@megandunham
@bryangumpy
@daysINmyShoes
@undegaussable
@JasonBlair
@HealyMonster
@ChristineMMTTM
@gideonstrauss
@stldenise
@Jalenagraham
@jillduvall
@ExaminerWriter2
@writingfriends
@myhomemyschool
@lifeledlearning
@fourgreenis
@merhia_SAHM_PDX
@Principled
@Jalenagraham
@hollycraw

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This post is in progress. It will continue to be updated, although I know it isn’t possible to have a completely comprehensive list. If I’ve left you off, let me know! Also, here is another site where related links are being compiled.

“Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,
for the rights of all who are destitute.
Speak up and judge fairly;
defend the rights of the poor and needy.”

–Proverbs 31:8-9

I know many people have been vocal in the past. Yet I believe a renewed effort–even warning against specific teachings and teachers–is warranted.

This outcry has already started, as observed by Lynn Harris in Salon:

It’s one thing for those of us outside the fundamentalist Christian/Christian home-schooling world to point fingers at the Pearls and voice outrage at their methods. What really matters, and what stands to have actual impact, is the outrage inside the Pearls’ world. And right now, more than ever, an anti-Pearl movement within the conservative Christian community is rising up in heated, if sometimes whispered, fury. Some say — even pray — that Lydia Schatz’s death will bring Michael and Debi Pearl exactly the kind of attention they deserve.

Already many homeschool parents and leaders are speaking out, especially raising red flags about the teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy Ministries.

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In a modest effort to track those who are speaking out, would you please share in this thread those you have heard in your churches, homeschool groups, in person, and online homeschool groups?

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Those who are issuing warnings:

World Magazine Commentary: To Brainwash a Parent
Evangelical, conservative news magazine

Timberdoodle Co.: Discipline and Murder
Homeschool supply company

Bradenton SHARE: Support Homeschool Activities Reaching Everyone
Detailed e-mail to all members and friends

Home Education Magazine: Bring Back the Boycott
Homeschool magazine since 1984

Matthew Raley, Tritone Life: Is Michael Pearl Responsible For a Girl’s Death?
Senior pastor of the Evangelical Free Church in Orland, CA

Karen Campbell, ThatMom: Child Abuse in the Name of Jesus
Update on Lydia Schatz and Why It Is Not About Spanking
Pearls and Authoritarian Parenting
An Open Letter to my Brothers and Sisters in Christ Who Serve in Leadership to Homeschooling Families
Homeschool mom, grandmother, conference speaker, podcaster

Karen Ehman: Box Bashing
Homeschool mom, author, speaker

Rob Shearer: Tragedy in a Homeschooling Family
Homeschool father of 11 children, church elder, Director of the Francis Schaeffer Study Center, co-founder of Greenleaf Press homeschool materials publisher

Randy Greenwald: Hermeneutics, Life, and Death
Pastor, homeschool father of six

Samuel Martin
Religious Scholar

Barbara Curtis, MommyLife: Lydia Schatz: shame on Mike and Debi Pearl!
Michael Pearl Laughs at His Critics, No Apology for Dead Children
Growing Outrage at Michael Pearl and his Response to Child’s Death
Cult Characteristics and the Pearls
Mom of 12 (bio, adopted and special needs), grandma of 10, author and Montessori teacher

Carol, Parenting Freedom: Murder by Discipline
Murdering Children into Submission
Homeschool mom, researcher

Angel, Rutledge6: Tragic Death of Lydia Schatz
Author of “Liberian Adoption: Preparing for Your Child’s Homecoming”

Megan, SortaCrunchy: When Extremists are Taken to the Extreme
Mom, author, editor-in-chief of Simple Kids

Elizabeth Esther: How Many More Children Must Die?
Mother, Writer, grew up in abusive fundamentalist church

Kathy, Quiet Garden: When Parenting Kills – What Can We Do?
Christian Ethics in Parenting
When Parenting Kills – Update
When Parenting Kills – A Challenge to Men
More Christians Speaking Out Against the Pearls
Michael Pearl Responds
Homeschool veteran, mentor, website designer

Benediction: Michael and Debi Pearl Linked to Another Child Abuse Death
Canadian, Christian, broadcast journalist

API Speaks: Parent Support is Prevention
Attachment Parenting International official blog

Anne, Muse Mama: Bring Back the Boycott
Fighting the Pearls’ Teachings
The Value of Gentle Mothering
The Pearls are Wrong
Giving Up on To Train Up A Child
Homeschool mom, nurse, tried and rejected the Pearls’ teachings

Karen Braun, Spunky Homeschool: Senseless Deception
Homeschool mom of 6, freelance writer, homeschool advocate

Wade Burleson, When Child Training Leaves to Abuse and Murder: Pearls of Wisdom for Concerned Parents
Baptist pastor, Oklahoma

Anne, Birth in Ukraine
Missionary, Homeschool mom, birth educator

Arni, I Think I Believe: Why I Will Never Spank My Daughter
Father, theology student, musician

Paul Mathers: In Which I Talk About the Terrible Event
Quoted in Salon, knows the Schatz family

Laurie, Beauty for Ashes: In Which I Speak the Unspeakable
Knows the Schatz family

Sparrow’s Nest Academy: I’m Burning All the Books by the Pearls
Homeschool mom of seven

Debra, Random Thoughts: Another Death Attributed to the Pearls
Homeschool mom of four

Aaron, Must Follow: Christians Unite Against Child Abuse

Judy, Wanna Walk Along: Even a Child Can Recognize Injustice
Popular, Pervasive, Controversial
Abhorrence Hits Me
Grandmother, Christian

Lisa, HomeSpun Life: Fundamental Discipline
Time to Speak Up, Even if it is Hard
Homeschool mom, former Pearl supporter

Smith Soup: From Another Mamma with a Heart for Liberia
Christian, Mom to 14 adopted and bio- children

Betsy, Just Another Clay Pot: Christian Brainwashing?
The World’s Most Dangerous People
Homeschool mom

Virginia, Come, Weary Moms: Child Discipline or Child Abuse?
Adding Your Voices about Child Abuse
Mother of ten, publisher of Hope Chest Home School News

Dana, Roscommon Acres: The Pearls, Abuse, and a False Gospel
In Defense of the Pearls: Some Thoughts
Homeschool mom of five

Hillary, Quivering Daughters: How Many More Little Girls Need to Die?
Heartbroken
Author of “Quivering Daughters | When Jesus Weeps ~ True Stories of Women, Authoritarianism, and the Fundamentalist Life”

The Journey: This is the Reason Why, In Jesus Name

WaterLilly: Spanking in Anger Isn’t the Problem
WaterLilly: Michael Pearl Laughs at Critics

Myrrh, Savouring Grace: Calling All Christian Families and Those Who Minister to Them

Hippie Housewife: Disciplined to Death

MamaChesire: Without Breath to Complain

MiaZagora’s Homeschool Minutes: Michael and Debi Pearl Books and Child Abuse

Vyckie, No Longer Qivering: No Greater Joy Ministries and Child Abuse
No Laughing Matter: Michael Pearl & His Chicken Mock Critics

Luci: Hold Fast

GCM Statement: It is Time to Speak Out Against the Teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl

Dr. Momma, Peaceful Parenting:
No Greater Joy Ministries “Biblical” Parenting Couple Beats Child to Death

Monica, Attachment Mama: Why Parenting Support is So Critical

Linda, Parent at the Helm: Speaking Up

Jessica, Everyday Rebel: Woman, Uncensored

Jay Allen, The Zero Boss: Michael and Debi Pearl’s “Expert” Parenting Advice is Killing Children

Therese, Keeping Along Joyfully: Christian Homeschoolers, Please Read

Eight is NOT Enough: An Open Letter

Kimberly, Raising Olives: The Pearls and Your Child’s Heart

No Greater Joy Children
New website analyzing NGJ teachings

Speaking out in the Local Community:

1. Local Homeschool Group: Intense warning to parents about the Pearl’s parenting materials

2. Greenville Church: Women’s group leader issuing warning about Pearl’s parenting materials

3. Women’s Bible study, discussion of this issue

4. Lindsey, Lutheran – Missouri Synod, homeschooling mom, speaking out online.

5. Sarah, Christian, supervisor for a local mental health agency in Arizaon, discussing with staff, recognizing similar language in parents and foster parents, devising best ways to address it.

6. A Virginia homeschool group removing all links to the Pearls / NGJ from their website.

7. Lots of emails and irl discussions. . .
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Please list in the comments or email me with examples you are experiencing of homeschool parents, leaders, and pastors speaking out in your local communities or online.

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This post is in progress. It will continue to be updated, although I know it isn’t possible to have a completely comprehensive list. If I’ve left you off, let me know!

Four years ago today Sean Paddock died.

A 4-year-old child, Sean Paddock, was killed by his adoptive mother. The child was suffocated from being wrapped tightly in blankets to keep him in bed, so tightly that he couldn’t fill his lungs to breathe. His body was covered with “layers of thin, long bruises — old and new — stretch[ing] from Sean’s bottom to his shoulder blade.”

Sean’s adopted mother relied upon two-foot lengths of plumbing supply line and parenting books by Michael and Debi Pearl to keep her children in line.

God have mercy.

At the time of Sean’s abuse and death, there was an outcry about these harmful teaching — though primarily limited to the homeschool movement both Christian and secular. Perhaps some parents were educated and dissuaded from applying the Pearls’ teaching. But the warnings were not loud enough for everyone to hear.

Now. . . now another little child has suffered and died at the hand of her parents. Lydia Schatz, just seven years old, died a few weeks ago. Again, Michael and Debi Pearl and their book “To Train Up a Child” were an obvious influence.

February will always be a month for me to remember. I believe we all need to mourn these little ones and warn other parents.

““Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.”"

–Mark 10:14-16

Lynn Harris wrote about the tragedy of Sean Paddock for Salon.Com four years ago. She’s followed that up with a recent article, spurred by the death of Lydia Schatz.

Her focus for the article is interesting, and I especially encourage those within Evangelical circles and homeschool families to take the time to read her insightful article.

It’s one thing for those of us outside the fundamentalist Christian/Christian home-schooling world to point fingers at the Pearls and voice outrage at their methods. What really matters, and what stands to have actual impact, is the outrage inside the Pearls’ world. And right now, more than ever, an anti-Pearl movement within the conservative Christian community is rising up in heated, if sometimes whispered, fury. Some say — even pray — that Lydia Schatz’s death will bring Michael and Debi Pearl exactly the kind of attention they deserve.

–Salon.Com

I first heard about the Schatz family’s tragedy a week ago Sunday. My immediate response was heartbroken, angry, “Not again. . .” disbelief.

Lydia Schatz’s funeral is over. Zariah Schatz is out of the hospital, after nearly two weeks. The other siblings are in foster care. Kevin and Elizabeth Schatz have a court date on Thursday, February 25th.

And while an immediate reaction of horror, heartsickness is justified — I believe it is important to look deeper at how something like this has happened. In light of it being another death connected with Michael and Debi Pearl, in light of the families who are not in the news but are struggling — don’t we need to ask why?

Interestingly, I’ve run across several people who have known the Schatz family quite well. While those who defend the Pearls wish they could point to “extremists” who may have had anger, abuse or mental issues, the picture so far is of a loving, Christian family; a family who loved their kids and even sought out adopting more kids. This makes people uncomfortable. No longer can we categorize the Schatz family as “other” — they are here, among us, in our Christian family and homeschool circles.

I would strongly urge you to take the time to read what Laurie has written, her insights into the Schatz family and the influences in their lives: in which I discuss the unthinkable.

Please read it carefully, prayerfully. Please see how we in our Christian, homeschool circles can be vulnerable to false teachings. Please see how warped theology can warp our actions. This is not to excuse or justify what Kevin and Elizabeth Schatz have done. This is to point out just how much loving parents can be vulnerable, and how imperative it is that the Christian church warn parents about false beliefs and abusive practices such as those taught by Michael and Debi Pearl.

I know many people want to see this as an isolated example; that there isn’t a pattern in the death of Sean Paddock and Lydia Schatz. It would be a comfort if that were so. Sadly, I believe that what comes to the attention of the media are these (sensationalized) deaths, but that abuse is going on behind closed doors in our Christian homes. Abuse that is not necessarily in anger. Rather in loving families there occurs what I see as “well-intentioned child abuse,” in which motives may be loving but actions cross a line that has been blurred by teachers such as the Pearls.

How does this happen? It helps to understand when we hear the stories of other families. Anne has been transparent about “Giving Up on To Train Up a Child.” Meggan believed the Pearls’ promises of “no greater joy,” but found herself afraid of seriously harming her child. Ann was lured by perfectionism. And Jo shares about growing up with Pearl-esque parenting and the long-term harm it has done to her family.

These are not isolated examples. These stories echo the ones I’ve heard from other parents, both in my local community and in online communities; from parents who have rejected the Pearl type of parenting, and those who are still utilizing these ideas. Christian parents are vulnerable, we are vulnerable. These teachings do not reflect the grace of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, but ensnare parents and eliminate mercy. This is why the Church must speak out in warning — individuals, pastors, lay leaders, denominations. This is hurting our families and children. We cannot pretend it isn’t happening in our midst anymore.

Lord, have mercy on us all.

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What others are saying:

Corporal Punishment and the Two Kingdoms
Timberdoodle: Discipline and Murder
Facing Abuse in the Christian Family
Abhorrence Hits Me on This
Child Discipline or Child Abuse?
Child Abuse in the Name of Jesus
Weekend Updates: Zariah
When Parenting Kills, What Can We Do?
Beauty for Ashes: In Which I Discuss the Unthinkable

(will be updated, as I’m able)

Butte County District Attorney Michael Ramsey is not turning a blind eye to the influences in the death of Lydia Schatz, presumably at the hand of her parents Kevin and Elizabeth Schatz. He has been DA for over 20 years and helped to institute the Child Abuse Response Team. DA Ramsey has not been timid in linking the quarter-inch plumbing supply line with Michael and Debi Pearl’s control-at-all-costs advice.

“…the seven-year-old was held down for several hours by Elizabeth and beaten dozens of times by Kevin on the back of her body, causing massive tissue damage. “It was torture.”"

–DA Mike Ramsey

Compare what was done by the Schatz parents to what is taught by Michael and Debi Pearl:

“…then use whatever force is necessary to bring him to bay. If you have to sit on him to spank him then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher, more patiently enduring and are unmoved by his wailing. Defeat him totally. Accept no conditions for surrender. No compromise. You are to rule over him as a benevolent sovereign. Your word is final.”

From To Train Up a Child, by Michael and Debi Pearl
Chapter 6: Applying the Rod

The Pearls refused to be interviewed by the Paradise Post, unless allowed editorial control over what was reported. However, Michael Pearl did submit an e-mailed statement:

“We do not teach ‘corporal punishment’ nor ‘hitting’ children,” Michael Pearl, CEO of No Greater Joy Minstries, wrote in an emailed statement to The Post. “We teach parents how to train their children, which sometimes requires the limited and controlled application of a spanking instrument to hold the child’s attention on admonition.”

Really? Judge for yourself.

“Otherwise, tell him to bend over on the bed or couch; and while he is in this position give some choice admonition. You have his undivided attention. Slowly begin to spank. . . . I found five to ten licks usually sufficient. Sometimes, with older children, usually when the licks are not forceful enough, the child may still be rebellious. . . . A general rule is to continue the disciplinary action until the child is surrendered.

“Any spanking, to effectively reinforce instruction, must cause pain. . . For the under one year old, a little, ten- to twelve-inch long, willowy branch (striped of any knots that might break the skin) about one-eighth inch diameter is sufficient. . . . A one-foot ruler, or its equivalent in a paddle, is a sufficient alternative. For the larger child, a belt or larger tree branch is effective.”

From To Train Up a Child, by Michael and Debi Pearl
Chapter 6: Applying the Rod

No amount of “tying heartstrings” or “have fun with your children” advice can mask the harsh, controlling discipline the Pearls teach.

The Pearls are quick to shift blame,

“If indeed these parents were abusive, and that has not yet been proven by the courts, it is regretful that our teachings were not able to turn them from their predisposition to abusive habits,” he stated.

If, indeed?! A child is dead, another one hospitalized for nearly two weeks, and the other seven children conveyed this so-called discipline was normal in their home. The Pearls’ teachings could no more turn someone away from “abusive habits,” as their very instructions set parents up for normalizing patterns that lead to abuse — “defeat totally. Accept no conditions for surrender. . . five to ten licks. . . continue the spanking. . . continue the disciplinary action until the child is surrendered.”

I’ve heard several apologists for Michael and Debi Pearl and their parenting teachings. Usually the defense is along the lines of, “but you and any abusive parent is taking the teachings out of context!”

Really? Seriously? In what context is ingraining in parents an attitude of “defeat them totally” okay? In what context is is okay to use an implement to strike a 4 month old? Pull a nursing baby’s hair? Hit a toddler with a toy? Whipping (the term often used by the Pearls) on bare skin; for “every transgression”? Whipping a baby who cannot sleep? Whipping a year old for crying? Whipping a 3 y/o until “totally broken?” Using a “tree branch” to spank? No matter what the “context” this advice is harmful to both parents and children.

Other times, people defend the Pearls stating that the problems must be that a parent “disciplined in anger.” While yes, anger and rage can lead to a lack of self control, what is taught by the Pearls is harmful whether a parent is hot with anger or cold and calculating. This is an excellent reflection on that idea, Spanking in Anger Isn’t the Problem.

We, in the Church, must shine the light on this false teaching. We cannot keep silent and allow the children Jesus welcomed into His arms to be harmed in His name. We cannot allow vulnerable parents to be led down the path of abuse, as they struggle to love and discipline their children.

My God, have mercy on us all.

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Butte County Superior Court: Elizabeth, case CM032008; Kevin case CM032009

Archives of Pearls / TTUAC / NGJ