TulipGirl

“but when i start the day praying “God help me, help us all today, to love each other and show kindness to each other,” i remember THAT instead when the more hands-on discipline takes place . . . obviously, not always, but most of the time setting myself up for success this way first thing in the morning and throughout the day is a simple way to remember a simple thing, that loving each other and showing kindness pretty much solves all of the problems in the house.”

–mollie

I collect bits of mommy-inspiration, as I explained to a friend this week, because the Lord uses them to keep my eyes on Him and keep my heart on my children when I’m struggling and stressing and reaching the point of burn-out.

The above quote really reached my heart today. Reminded me of what my mother modeled and how much I’ve come to understand what she meant by prayer being such an integral part of parenting.

Simply looking to the Lord first, turning to Him in prayer. . . Loving each other, showing kindness. . .

Rebecca muses:

“Some of us have the luxury of working with our little ones in tow. Some of us don’t. Some of us have the luxury of being self-righteous about our work choices. Some of us forego that luxury. But the real women among us, especially the mothers — we all work. And often it’s with a baby in a sling.”

“Governor Palin is exposing the lie to all that. She is completely, unashamedly, unapologetically, a mother. I found another picture of her online, in her office, with Trig in a sling, while signing some sort of important-looking document, acting as if this was the most common-place thing in the world.”

Read the rest from Rebecca. Rebecca has been a great source of mommy-inspiration to me for the past decade or so, and once again points to the high calling we have as mothers.

Eta. . . More from Rebecca, honest and humble. . .

One of the things that I’ve benefited from most as a mother, is the mommy-inspiration that has been shared with me from others –those who understand the joys and struggles of motherhood and share their wisdom with me. Let me share with you these bits of mommy-inspiration that are found online. While I’ve highlighted a quote from each, I encourage you to click through each link.

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Mothering in the Shadow of the Cross: “A friend of my parents held his little boy in his arms as we discussed new parenthood. He was telling me that one of the biggest shockers for him, the unexpected part of being a father, was that it gave him a better glimpse of the Fatherhood of God. “I’m beginning to understand, on a deeper level, the love of God,” he said. “It’s one of the most wonderful things about having a baby.”"

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Breastfeeding and Brand New Moms: “. . .to quote Churchill “nevah, evah give up”. I think the advice about just sitting and being is excellent. It takes time to get going. E– didn’t latch well for almost two months, because he was born early and little. Sometimes it would take an hour of on and off and on and off, and a short break, and then another feeding. Starting b’feeding takes perseverance, so my piece of advice is line up your cheerleader(s)! If my mom hadn’t been there from the beginning to be my cheerleader I probably would’ve naively given him a bottle thinking that he would never latch on. But my mom was right, just keep trying and he’ll get it.”

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Mother to Mother: “Can a woman forget her nursing child?” the Scripture asks, rhetorically. The lovely, poetic passage goes on to portray God’s care for “Jerusalem” as being even more reliable than a nursing mother to her baby, an axiom of attentive care. Yet “Yes, even these may forget, but I will never forget you, I have graven you on the palms of my hands“ The physicality of the connection is a nice bit of poetry, even more so because it resonates with a nursing mother’s experience: her baby, too, is in a sense “graven” on her body, her breasts continually remind her of the baby’s presence and need.

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Martin Luther, for Fathers and Mothers: “Now observe that when that clever harlot, our natural reason… , takes a look at married life, she turns up her nose and says, “Alas, must I rock the baby, wash its diapers, make its bed, smell its stench, stay up nights with it, take care of it when it cries, heal its rashes and sores… ? What then does Christian faith say to this? It opens its eyes, looks upon all these insignificant, distasteful, and despised duties in the Spirit, and is aware that they are all adorned with divine approval as with the costliest gold and jewels.”

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This post is part of the Ezzo Week(end) 2008 series, raising awareness about the concerns with the parenting “philosophy” promoted by Gary Ezzo.

“On the cross Christ paid the debt for every selfish desire, thought, word, or deed to which you will ever give yourself. You no longer have to be afraid to own up to your selfishness. You do not have to whitewash your thoughts and motives. You do not have to cover your sin by blaming others or by self-atoning logic. You do not have to give yourself to acts of penance (self-atonement) that make you feel better about yourself. You do not have to search for biblical passages that will give ease to your conscience. No, your debt has been fully paid. Your punishment has been borne by Another. There is One who has taken your place and been condemned instead of you. Paul says, ‘He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross’ (Colossians 2:13b-14). As God’s child, you have been forgiven for every act of self-focused independence and rebellion. –Paul David Tripp”

As quoted by Ukrainiac

Doesn’t that just cause your heart to sing aloud?

Why don’t you re-read it? Such joy in that truth. . .

Today’s sermon was about forgiveness, and drew from the parable of the unforgiving servant. I was rocking babies in the nursery, so I didn’t hear it. But my children relayed it to me in such detail — I know they grasped the meaning.

And this reminds me of some conversations we’ve been having here about how we relate to our children. . .

We have been forgiven ten-thousand years of sin and guilt. As we are reminded above, the debt has been completely paid by Christ. We don’t have to whitewash or excuse or self-atone for our sins. Christ has done it all. Fully.

How can we who have been forgiven much fail to convey that forgiveness to our children? How can we point to any actions of ours or theirs to cover their sins? Why do we hesitate to tell our children the Good News? “Your punishment has been borne by Another. There is One who has taken your place and been condemned instead of you. . . . As God’s child, you have been forgiven for every act of self-focused independence and rebellion.”

The Gospel is so simple. So profound.

I know several mothers are visiting here this week to discuss Biblical parenting. This is my daily prayer as a mother:

“Lord, remind me of the truth of the Gospel. Remind me of Christ’s atonement and how great a debt I have been forgiven. Keep me dependent upon You. Help me in each moment to point my children to the truth of the Gospel. Help us understand that the sin in our lives today has already been atoned for on the cross. Help me and my boys to turn to you in repentance each day, relying upon You alone in all things. Amen.”

Even though I have Carole on my blogroll, I can never remember where this series on nighttime parenting is, so I have to go to Molly’s, follow a link to Dani’s, and then the first article is linked in the sidebar. So, to shortcut that, here’s a direct link to the series so I can find it easily! I highly recommend reading the whole series as it encourages thoughts about mothering as ministry, during both daytime and nighttime hours.

Establishing the Nighttime Normal “I have often wondered what factors contributed to our culture’s present obsession with babies sleeping through the night. Certainly the use of formula must be one catalyst. The expectation that most women will return to work is, most likely, another. As a mother of three I can without a doubt say that the most popular question, asked by anyone and everyone, is, “Does he sleep through the night yet?”"

Looking to Science for the Norm “How can that be a coincidence? Infants wake to feed at the same rate as adults go in and out of deep sleep? I sense a Creative Designer behind this marvelous phenomenon.”

Co-sleeping: The Historical Norm? “[T]here are researchers studying mother-infant sleep from many perspectives, and that their conclusions fit with the way we mothers were wired - as tender, nurturing, life-givers.”

Co-sleeping: Acceptance and Diversity “I agree with the proposition that more of us “co-sleep” than we realize, however different it may look different from family to family. . . . as much as I am a proponent of the family bed and co-sleeping, it has taken a slightly different form here in our house.”

Related:
Nightwaking
Parenting Freedom: Sleep
KellyMom: Nighttime and Sleep
Parenting Freedom: Sleep Training
Woman to Woman, Helen E. Aardsma
Mothering in the Shadow of the Cross

More for the mommy-inspiration files, from Kim at Upward Call. I asked her if I could share this here, because it wasn’t originally posted on her blog or written with mothers in mind. Instead, these were ideas she was mulling and had in mind for a younger group of Believers, those who are not yet parents. Still these were the words I needed to read and again turned my heart towards Christ and my children.

As a parent, I have learned a lot. As a parent, I have re-visited how I was parented and how I behaved as a child. Of course, sin mars all we do, and there were mistakes I made as a child that I wish I could erase. While Christ has forgiven me for them, they remain in my memory.

It is the same thing with being a parent. I am sure that someday, I will have even more regrets than I do already for things done and not done.

One thing I can say, however, in encouragement to you who have yet to be parents is this: encourage your children.

There is nothing more devestating than being a child who never gets any encouragement for what he does. Some parents will tell all their friends how wonderful their children are, but will never tell the child to her face. Some parents are full of criticism, condemnation, and rules that have no rational explanation, and the kid never know which way is up. I know that I have not always been encouraging as a parent. I need to daily, verbally, emotionally, and even with a hug, encourage my kids.

Kids who grow up with no encouragement may become people who don’t encourage. Kids who grow up with unmerciful, legalistic rules may become unmerciful, legalistic people. I have been married long enough to know how difficult it is to shed the baggage from my childhood. Sometimes, without meaning to, we simply mimick parenting we received. Now, if it’s good parenting, that’s one thing, but all too often we repeat the mistakes of our parents. We need to pray to God for deliverance from ungodly parenting ways.

So, young people, when you become parents — and that is not all that far in the future, you know; just think how fast the past ten years have gone and you will realize how fast the next ten are going to go — ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILDREN. Tell them when they’ve done well. Discipline them IN LOVE AND WITH MERCY when they make mistakes. And love them fiercely.

“What I tell my childbirth classes is,

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Each of you are just the right mother for your children. God gave your children to you–not as a possession, but to nurture and raise to His glory. I am not the one God chose to mother your child–not me, not anyone else. Your love and God’s grace are what your child needs–regardless of what parenting books, websites, and ideas you come across along the way. You will have challenges, struggles, heartaches, as well as love, joys and successes!

Through it all, we learn to lean into the Lord. . . to trust Him. . . to turn to Him in prayer and humility and rest. . .

And we are free! Free from philosophies, free from rules. . . free to turn to the Lord and grow into the mothers He has called us to be!

I have found it freeing to learn and study and seek wisdom–both the direct revelation in the Bible as well as revelation in God’s creation. One resource as we seek the Lord in our ministry of mothering is the website Parenting Freedom. This site is newly online, but the mother behind it has long been sharing mothering encouragement with me and others. I appreciate her willingness to learn, grow, seek the Lord and find freedom in parenting.

I encourage you to visit the website, be encouraged by the Scripture, be challenged by the research, and know you have freedom to seek the Lord as you nurture the children He has given you.

“If mothers could learn to do for themselves what they do for their children, we should have happier households. Let the mother go out to play! If she would only have courage to let everything go when life becomes too tense, and just take a day, or half a day, out in the fields, or with a favorite book, or in a picture gallery looking long and well at just two or three pictures, or in bed, without the children, life would go on far more happily for both children and parents.”

–Charlotte Mason

(Via ThatMom)

A must read for mothers and others:
Here I Raise My Ebenezer

A reminder to lean into the Lord, especially when we and our children are both struggling.

For the Mommy-Inspiration Files.

For several months I’ve been listening to the weekly podcasts of ThatMom - homeschool mother and grandmother Karen Campbell. I’ve known Karen via her daughter for several years now. The podcasts are definitely included in my Mommy-Inspiration Files.

What I’ve really appreciated is how Karen keeps returning to the Gospel, and how the Lord is leading each of us in our respective families. Too often in homeschooling (and Christian parenting) there is the tendency to become ideological or strive to do everything “just right.” In doing that, it is easy to adopt manmade standards and lose sight of our focus on Christ alone.

Karen and her guests come across as just another homeschool mom. Loving, imperfect, wanting the best for their children, seeking the Lord. In her tone, I hear the experience of a mother who has made it to grandmotherhood and the experience of a Christian who has made mistakes along the way and learned to lean into the Lord.

And for me, that is the encouragement I need.

ThatMom Blog
ThatMom Podcast Downloads

Quoting Devona, about Lutherama:

Discipline? Means of Grace?

I try not to meddle in the parenting of others. It

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“Children do not accidentally become righteous leaders or emotionally healthy and productive adults–any more than seeds thrown randomly to the wind grow to be part of a thriving garden. Simply throwing children into a cultural tornado and hoping for the best gives them little chance of living up to their potential or coming out unharmed. Someone needs to take responsibility for their nurture, protection, nourishment, intellectual development, manners, recreation, personal needs, and spiritual development. Someone needs to commit time and energy into staying close to them as they grow, encouraging and correcting and teaching.”

–Sally Clarkson, The Mission of Motherhood

“You do what

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For the Mommy-Inspiration Files. . .

The Blanket Commands

I’d like to invite you to visit Mothering By Grace, a new message board to encourage Christian mothers. While it is still brand new, it has already been a good source of mommy-inspiration for me.

A Vision For Mothering By Grace

This is a Christian, attachment parenting message board. Our distinctives include an emphasis on positive discipline, encouraging involvement in local communities and understanding freedom in Christ as a basis for making individual, educated parenting decisions. Our goal is to be both theologically sound and intellectually stimulating.

This was originally posted in January 2004, my first month blogging. I was revisiting it today because of an online discussion about sin and family norms, children, and the place of the Gospel in our families. So, I’m reposting it today.

The other night I was skimming Charles Hodge’s commentary on Romans and was just struck by how God relates to us as His children, and how I can follow that example with my children.

This is from the Crossway Books Classic Commentaries, page 189, commenting on Romans 6: 12-23:

“As no man is free from sin, as no man can perfectly keep the commandments of God, every man who rests on his personal conformity to the law as the basis of his acceptance with God must be condemned. We are not under the law in this sense, but under grace–that is, a system of free justification. We are justified by grace, without works.

We are not under a legal dispensation, requiring personal conformity to the law and entire freedom from sin, past and present, as the condition of our acceptance; but we are under a gracious dispensation, according to which God dispenses pardon freely and accepts the sinner as a sinner, for Christs’s sake, without works or merit of his own. Whoever is under the law, in the sense just explained, is not only condemned, but he is bound by a legal or slavish spirit. What he does, he does as a slave, to escape punishment. But he who is under grace, who is freely accepted by God and restored to his favor, is a child of God living under his Spirit. The principle of obeying him is love and not fear.

Here, as everywhere else in the Bible, it is assumed that the favor of God is in our life. We must be reconciled to Him before we can be holy: we must feel that He loves us before we can love Him.”

Reflections related to Parenting

“God. . .accepts the sinner as a sinner”
I know this to be true with God accepting me, and now I want to really just ACCEPT my children as who they are. I want to provide a “safe place to fall” for my kids, where they know they are accepted as they are, even when they sin. I know my parents have lived that out towards my siblings and me.

“What he does, he does as a slave, to escape punishment.”
I don’t want my children to be doing things out of fear, simply to escape punishment.

“But he who is under grace, who is freeely accepted by God and restored to his favor, is a child of God living under his Spirit.”
This is the part of the passage that first drew my attention to asking how I can relate this to me and my children, copying God as my Father.

“The principle of obeying him is love and not fear.”
Again, I don’t want it to be fear of me or fear of punishment that compels my children to obedience. But of love. Just as, truly, my obedience (imperfect though it may be) to God is out of a desire to please Him and out of love.

“we must feel that He loves us before we can love Him.”
I read a survey once that said something like 90% of kids knew their parents loved them, but only 30% FELT that their parents loved them. I want to really nurture my children, and have them FEEL loved by me and my husband.

“Play BALL!” It was the Little League T-ball All Stars game. I was number 17–the littlest on the team and the last to bat. I glanced into the stands, and was reassured to see my mother smiling at me and nursing my baby sister.

I wrote about these vivid and early memories of my mother and little sister a few years ago.

Just today, I came across this article by Elizabeth Pantley and marvelled at how these early interactions among mother, baby, and siblings can make such a profound impression. And how love and nurturing are passed along in our every day family interactions.

My three older children all play baseball, so Coleton and I spend much of our springtime at the ballpark. His first baseball season he was five months old. Since I was a coach on my daughter

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A lot of this comes down to how the Gospel is viewed, and the position of Children in the Church and how the Gospel applies to Children.

I believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross not only for me, but also for my children. I believe that the Gospel applies to them as much as it does to me. I believe the Bible teaches this–and even Christ does. We all know the passage where Jesus says, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them. . .”

I believe Christ paid the penalty for my children’s sins on the cross. When my children sin–I want to point them to the One who has already been punished for their sin. When my children sin (and they do–I do not have a weak view of sin)–I come alongside them, confront them with the ugly reality of sin in their lives, and help them repent. I pray that the Holy Spirit softens their hearts and enables them to truly repent. We pray together. We ask for God’s grace to do the right thing.

I do discipline. I help them form habits of right behaviour. I teach them right from wrong. I correct them. One of the most powerful passages on child discipline in the Bible is Duet 6:4-7:

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

That constant presence is the heart of discipleship, the heart of discipline.

See also:
The Heart of Grace

As hard as it is to read, I recommend PacemMama’s story of becoming a mother.

Thanks to Lydia, Nathan’s Helpmeet, who has drawn my attention to the works of William Gouge–specifically his pages upon pages of reflection on the Bible and breastfeeding. Lydia quoted a passage on cry-it-out and breastfeeding, but the section below really stood out to me.

Among other needful things, the milk of the breast is fit for young babes, and with it they are to be nourished. I think none doubt of the equity of this. It hath in all ages, and in all countries, been accounted the best food that can be for young babes. The metaphor, which S. Peter useth, taken from young infants [in the words, As new-born babes desire the sincere milk of the word (1 Peter 2:2)] confirmeth as much. So doth also the desire which such infants have to the milk of the breasts: and the ability, and promptness which is in them to suck: and God’s providence in causing a woman’s breasts to yield forth such milk: and the constant manner of nourishing little infants after this manner, commended in the Scripture: and [to conclude] the natural instinct which many unreasonable creatures have thus to nourish their young ones.

. . .

God hath given to women two breasts fit to contain and hold milk: and nipples unto them fit to have milk drawn from them. Why are these thus given? to lay them forth for ostentation? There is no warrant for that in all God’s word. They are directly given for the child’s food that cometh out of the womb; for till the child be born, there is no milk in the breasts: anon after it is born, milk ordinarily floweth into the breasts: yea a great part of the meat which they eat turneth into milk. They make this admirable work of God’s providence to be in vain, that dry up this spring, and suffer not their children to partake of the benefits of it.

–William Gouge, On Domestical Duties

Related:
Martin Luther: Theologian and Cloth Diaper Advocate
John Calvin: Theologian and Lactivist
Breastfeeding and the Bible

I made the short list on The Lactivist blogroll! Thanks, Jennifer!

And in recognition of that, here are some of my favorite writings on breastfeeding:

The Original Noonie Page

A Few Of My Favorite Things 2005, 2004

Play Ball! (Militant Breastfeeding Cult)

Breastfeeding and Babywise: The Realities, The Practicalities

Contented Cows Give Sweet Milk

7 But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. 8 So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.

I Thessalonians 2:7-8

Now observe that when that clever harlot, our natural reason… , takes a look at married life, she turns up her nose and says, “Alas, must I rock the baby, wash its diapers, make its bed, smell its stench, stay up nights with it, take care of it when it cries, heal its rashes and sores… ?

What then does Christian faith say to this? It opens its eyes, looks upon all these insignificant, distasteful, and despised duties in the Spirit, and is aware that they are all adorned with divine approval as with the costliest gold and jewels. It says, O God, because I am certain that thou hast created me as a man and hast from my body begotten this child, I also know for a certainty that it meets with thy perfect pleasure. I confess to thee that I am not worthy to rock the little babe or wash its diapers, or to be entrusted with the care of the child and its mother. How is it that I, without any merit, have come to this distinction of being certain that I am serving thy creature and thy most precious will? O how gladly will I do so, though the duties should be even more insignificant and despised. Neither frost nor heat, neither drudgery nor labor, will distress or dissuade me, for I am certain that it is thus pleasing in thy sight…

God, with all his angels and creatures is smiling–not because the father is washing diapers, but because he is doing so in Christian faith.

–Martin Luther

Last week we read of John Calvin’s breastfeeding advocacy. I’m beginning to wonder if this is going to turn into a series on Great Theologians and Attachment Parenting?

(Via Carol, via Cheryl.)

John Calvin, in commenting upon Genesis 21:7 states:

“. . .the Lord does not in vain prepare nutriment for children in their mothers’ bosoms, before they are born. But those on whom he confers the honor of mothers, he, in this way, constitutes nurses; and they who deem it a hardship to nourish their own offspring, break, as far as they are able, the sacred bond of nature. If disease, or anything of that kind, is the hindrance, they have a just excuse; but for mothers voluntarily, and for their own pleasure, to avoid the trouble of nursing, and thus to make themselves only half-mothers, is a shameful corruption.”

(Via calvinist and lactivist Pastor Lane)

And lastly, and I say this gently, as the parent of grown kids, knowing *insert parenting guru* is also the parent of grown kids: we have wonderful children–he does, I’m sure–and so do I. But without even knowing his children I can know this about them: they are not perfect. They hurt. They make mistakes. They struggle. They are prideful and overly simplistic at times; and crippled by shame and hesitancy at others. Yes–they are beautiful examples of human beings, his children (I assume), and mine (I know.) But they are not perfect. If they were, they would not be human. If it were possible to raise children to perfection, then God would have sent a parenting method, not Jesus. Our marching orders are not to raise our children by a method to be like *insert parenting guru* children. Our marching orders are to be Christians to and with our children.

–katiekind

What Do You Do?
By Fred M. Rogers

What do you do with the mad that you feel
When you feel so mad you could bite?
When the whole wide world seems oh, so wrong…
And nothing you do seems very right?

What do you do? Do you punch a bag?
Do you pound some clay or some dough?
Do you round up friends for a game of tag?
Or see how fast you go?

It’s great to be able to stop
When you’ve planned a thing that’s wrong,
And be able to do something else instead
And think this song:

I can stop when I want to
Can stop when I wish.
I can stop, stop, stop any time.
And what a good feeling to feel like this
And know that the feeling is really mine.
Know that there’s something deep inside
That helps us become what we can.
For a girl can be someday a woman
And a boy can be someday a man.

Listen to the song. Thanks to Camille. Mr. Rogers was a good Presbyterian.

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