TulipGirl

This was on my mind this week, after a conversation I had. . . I keep praying that the Lord will show me how to “restore gently” as the boys are getting older, as we are instroduced to new struggles. Originally posted May 2005.

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At this stage in my life, so much of my reading and studying is filtered through the perspective of mothering. This includes my studying of the Bible and theology. I find the deeper I dig into God’s Word, the more light it shines on my life–and how I ought to mother.

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:1-2

“Brothers. . .” This passage is written to Believers. As parents, God has given us special responsibility towards our children. But they are also our “brothers” and in the Covenant.

Kristen recently wrote,

We went to Ash Wednesday services at the beginning of Lent with Kate at the episcopal church around the corner (we missed liturgy) and when the priest put ashes on her little forehead, it really made an impact on me. As much as I am her mother, I am also her sister in Christ. This has been really helpful to me in thinking through parenting issues. Most Christians wouldn’t serve wine to a fellow Christian who was a recovering alcoholic. Why do they discipline their children and then set them up to do the same things again?

In his commentary on Galatians, Martin Luther clarifies that “caught in sin” is not speaking about doctrinal errors, “but about far lesser sins into which people fall not deliberately, but through weakness.” As our children are learning right from wrong, they will sin. As they are growing through various stages of development, they will have greater or lesser control over their impulses.

Luther goes on to say, “is caught in imply being tricked by the devil or sinful nature.” Sinful nature, temptation, weakness, developmental stages–remembering these sins of our children are part of their weakness helps me respond to them with compassion.

Luther states, “Paul therefore teaches how those who have fallen should be dealt with–namely those who are strong should raise them up and restore them gently.” I don’t always feel “strong” or “spiritual.” Often I feel weak and struggling myself. But it is my responsibility to raise my children and be strong for them. We have no trouble with the idea of parents being a “mama bear” protecting her young child. I also want to be strong spiritually to correct them gently, to be the “mama bear” to help my children when they are struggling with sin.

It’s interesting to note that this passage is immediately proceeded by the admonitions to walk in the Spirit and the list of the fruit of the Spirit– love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. These should be on my mind as I restore my children gently.

Luther reinforces the idea of this passage reminding us of “the fatherly and motherly affection that Paul requires of those who have charge over souls.”

What does “restoring gently” look like? Luther explains, “when they see that those persons are sorrowful for their offenses, they should begin to raise them up again, to comfort them, and to mitigate their faults as much as they can—yet through mercy only, which they must set against sin, lest those who have fallen are swallowed up with depression.” And “. . .gently, and not in the zeal of severe justice.”

To be honest, at times I’ve had Christian mothers advocate some child-training approaches that seemed to have more of the “zeal of severe justice” than how Luther describes the Holy Spirit’s correction, “mild and pitiful in forbearing.”

After restoring gently, we are told to “carry each other’s burdens.” I see this, in light of mothering, as an especial entreaty to know our particular children and their particular weaknesses.

One of my sons is insecure around lots of guests–and he has responded in the past by getting very loud, climbing on furniture, and even hitting a guest. I’ve found that to carry his burden means I prepare him beforehand for our guests, and I hold his hand when they arrive, until he is comfortable and calm. Another son is prone to lash out at his brothers when he is angry. Bearing his burden has meant praying with him and for him, helping him recognize when he feels anger rising, and giving him strategies to deal with that anger without hitting. And it has meant letting him know it’s good to come to me and say, “Mommy, I’m angry” so I can help him not sin in his anger.

Also in this encouragement to carry one another’s burdens, it strikes me how wrong it is to follow the child-training technique of placing a child in a situation of temptation–to test him and see whether he can withstand it (or be punished.) This method is encouraged by some for training toddlers and preschoolers, and seems to be very contrary to bearing the burdens of temptation.

Luther also comments on this passage that sometimes in bearing with one another, things need to just be let go–“These people are the ones who are overtaken by sin and have the burdens that Paul commands us to carry. In this case, let us not be rigorous and merciless, but follow the example of Christ, who bears and forbears these burdens. If he does not punish them, though He might do so with justice, much less ought we to do so.”

“And watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. . .” For parents, I see this as a two-fold warning. First, to be gentle, not be angry—the caution here illustrates how very easy it is to slip into being harsh.

And also I see the warning not to be tempted to pride. When we become concerned about appearing to be “good parents” it is easy to slip into correcting harshly, minutely. This is one of the areas in which I struggled a lot, especially when my children were smaller. And especially when we were guests in churches and people’s homes. I felt pressure (from myself even more than others) for my kids to be perfect and “prove” we were worthy to be missionaries. That pressure tempted me both into pride in my children’s good behaviour, as well being overly picky and correcting unnecessarily.

The end of these verses is “in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” As Martin Luther said,

“After Christ had redeemed us, renewed us, and made us his church, he gave us no other law but that of mutual love. To love is not to wish one another well, but to carry one another’s burdens–that is, things that are grievous to us, and that we would not willingly bear. Therefore, Christians (parents!) must have strong shoulders and mighty bones, so they can carry their brother’s weaknesses. . . Love, therefore, is mild, courteous, and patient, not in receiving, but in giving, for it is constrained to wink at many things and to bear them.

Footnote: Quotations are from the Crossway Commentary series, Martin Luther on Galatians. Luther’s commentary is also available online, in a variant translation.

How can it be a large career to tell other people’s children about [arithmetic], and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow to be everything to someone? No; a woman’s function is laborious because it is gigantic, not because it is minute.

–G.K. Chesterton

(Via Chris)

“Children do not accidentally become righteous leaders or emotionally healthy and productive adults -– any more than seeds thrown randomly to the wind grow to be part of a thriving garden. Simply throwing children into a cultural tornado and hoping for the best gives them little chance of living up to their potential or coming out unharmed.

Someone needs to take responsibility for their nurture, protection, nourishment, intellectual development, manners, recreation, personal needs, and spiritual development. Someone needs to commit time and energy into staying close to them as they grow, encouraging and correcting and teaching.”

–Sally Clarkson via MbG

Years ago, a friend lent me some cassette tapes (remember those?) with Sally Clarkson sharing encouragement about homeschooling. I remember it was just the right bit of mommy-inspiration for that time. Clay and Sally Clarkson continue to communicate the Gospel, nurturing parents and children.

Happy birthday, Sally!

“I try not to meddle in the parenting of others. It’s their business, but I obviously have my opinions. I mostly have oppositions to the ‘Christian Parenting’ giants who like to write books making generalizations about how to parent my child unto godliness, all the while knowing nothing about me.

I don’t just disagree with their methods, I disagree with their theology and their lack of discretion. How do they know to whom they are teaching? How do they know their methods are being properly prescribed?

And mostly, how can they not see that this method of ‘discipline’ obscures the person and work of Christ when a parent cannot forgive their child until there has been punishment for their sins? Are not our Christian children under the Fount of Grace as much as we are?”

–devona

More for the mommy-inspiration files, thanks to devona via MbG.

I’ve only been online lately in fits and starts, hence the sporadic blogging. But I keep coming across really good and encouraging things online and think, oooh — I should share that! Of course, by the time I sit down to post links, I can’t remember half of them. Ah, well. . . Still, here are some things that I think are cool or worth the time to read.

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Kim explains to her son that, yup, Christians can be annoying and unlikeable. “My answer to my son was that I, too, dislike Christians at times. I followed it up with the fact that I am probably disliked by other Christians at times, and so is he. I reminded him that we are not perfect, that we make mistakes, do stupid things and are unkind. And I reminded him that all we can do is continue to make an effort to love our fellow Christians even when it is hard.”

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Camille has been reflecting on Things I Never Heard in Fundamentalism (1) (2) (3). And while our backgrounds are very different, the familiar refrains of grace, grace, God’s grace reverberate in my soul when I read of God’s comfort and faithfulness in her life.

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TAKS — easy-peasy assessment tests, online, free and instantly scored! Errr. . . easy-peasy as far as doing it online, not necessarily for the student. The boys have been worried about their “gaps.” But as my sister reminds me, “gaps are just spaces waiting to be filled.” Thanks to Jess and Bayou for directing me to the TAKS site.

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The dragon-mommy very thoughtfully reflects on The Irony of Ezzo and AP (1)) (2). It concerns me that there seems to be a resurgence of the popularity of Babywise. With a generation of moms and babies who have already been there, done that, regretted it. . . why do people not learn from the mistakes of others? I still find the Ezzo materials introduce such an antagonistic mindset to the parents who read it — as one mom said recently “Do you hate me that I am a Babywise mom?” How sad. Sure, I try to caution moms about the misinformation in Babywise, but I don’t “hate” any moms.

How firmly I believe that God gives just the right parents to each child, and just the right child to each parent. Our love, our mistakes, our triumphs, our struggles — the Lord uses those in both our lives and our children’s lives as we grow into the people He created us to be. I believe it is so important to communicate respect to other parents — and still point out the problems in basing decisions on flawed information and problematic principles.

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Some freebies, giveaways, and contests: Dada Ring Sling from Babywearing.com (deadline 4/30); Online Kitchen Garden Planner via CleverNesting, a little critter giveaway (’cause I was too late in posting about the neato mobile from royal buffet). . . ack, saw some other good ones this week and can’t find them now!

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Remember, local art and music in Sarasota / Bradenton on May 1 & 2. I read a blurb in the East County Observer, unfortunately they don’t put their articles online. (Nor the pics the publish in the paper version — which is disappointing, ’cause they had a cute one of my little protesters.) I also saw a column that mentioned the art show in the BHT. If you are local, it’s a great place for a low-key date night. Local music, local artists, good coffee. . .

We’ve forgotten what Luther said. We don’t parent to demonstrate the Gospel — to show those around us how beautifully we can do it all. No, we parent because it is the Gospel — because God takes us in as foundlings, lifts us up as His own, loves us even when we stink, puke, and screach, and He dresses us, carries us, and loves us.

It’s not about showing. It’s about loving. It’s not about beauty. It’s about serving the smallest and the littlest in the darkest part of the night when there’s no one is up except us and that wee one and God.

– Camille

Read the rest here.

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Lord, let my life be a reflection of the Gospel, especially in my relationships with my husband and children.

“but when i start the day praying “God help me, help us all today, to love each other and show kindness to each other,” i remember THAT instead when the more hands-on discipline takes place . . . obviously, not always, but most of the time setting myself up for success this way first thing in the morning and throughout the day is a simple way to remember a simple thing, that loving each other and showing kindness pretty much solves all of the problems in the house.”

–mollie

I collect bits of mommy-inspiration, as I explained to a friend this week, because the Lord uses them to keep my eyes on Him and keep my heart on my children when I’m struggling and stressing and reaching the point of burn-out.

The above quote really reached my heart today. Reminded me of what my mother modeled and how much I’ve come to understand what she meant by prayer being such an integral part of parenting.

Simply looking to the Lord first, turning to Him in prayer. . . Loving each other, showing kindness. . .

Rebecca muses:

“Some of us have the luxury of working with our little ones in tow. Some of us don’t. Some of us have the luxury of being self-righteous about our work choices. Some of us forego that luxury. But the real women among us, especially the mothers — we all work. And often it’s with a baby in a sling.”

“Governor Palin is exposing the lie to all that. She is completely, unashamedly, unapologetically, a mother. I found another picture of her online, in her office, with Trig in a sling, while signing some sort of important-looking document, acting as if this was the most common-place thing in the world.”

Read the rest from Rebecca. Rebecca has been a great source of mommy-inspiration to me for the past decade or so, and once again points to the high calling we have as mothers.

Eta. . . More from Rebecca, honest and humble. . .

One of the things that I’ve benefited from most as a mother, is the mommy-inspiration that has been shared with me from others –those who understand the joys and struggles of motherhood and share their wisdom with me. Let me share with you these bits of mommy-inspiration that are found online. While I’ve highlighted a quote from each, I encourage you to click through each link.

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Mothering in the Shadow of the Cross: “A friend of my parents held his little boy in his arms as we discussed new parenthood. He was telling me that one of the biggest shockers for him, the unexpected part of being a father, was that it gave him a better glimpse of the Fatherhood of God. “I’m beginning to understand, on a deeper level, the love of God,” he said. “It’s one of the most wonderful things about having a baby.”"

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Breastfeeding and Brand New Moms: “. . .to quote Churchill “nevah, evah give up”. I think the advice about just sitting and being is excellent. It takes time to get going. E– didn’t latch well for almost two months, because he was born early and little. Sometimes it would take an hour of on and off and on and off, and a short break, and then another feeding. Starting b’feeding takes perseverance, so my piece of advice is line up your cheerleader(s)! If my mom hadn’t been there from the beginning to be my cheerleader I probably would’ve naively given him a bottle thinking that he would never latch on. But my mom was right, just keep trying and he’ll get it.”

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Mother to Mother: “Can a woman forget her nursing child?” the Scripture asks, rhetorically. The lovely, poetic passage goes on to portray God’s care for “Jerusalem” as being even more reliable than a nursing mother to her baby, an axiom of attentive care. Yet “Yes, even these may forget, but I will never forget you, I have graven you on the palms of my hands“ The physicality of the connection is a nice bit of poetry, even more so because it resonates with a nursing mother’s experience: her baby, too, is in a sense “graven” on her body, her breasts continually remind her of the baby’s presence and need.

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Martin Luther, for Fathers and Mothers: “Now observe that when that clever harlot, our natural reason… , takes a look at married life, she turns up her nose and says, “Alas, must I rock the baby, wash its diapers, make its bed, smell its stench, stay up nights with it, take care of it when it cries, heal its rashes and sores… ? What then does Christian faith say to this? It opens its eyes, looks upon all these insignificant, distasteful, and despised duties in the Spirit, and is aware that they are all adorned with divine approval as with the costliest gold and jewels.”

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This post is part of the Ezzo Week(end) 2008 series, raising awareness about the concerns with the parenting “philosophy” promoted by Gary Ezzo.

“On the cross Christ paid the debt for every selfish desire, thought, word, or deed to which you will ever give yourself. You no longer have to be afraid to own up to your selfishness. You do not have to whitewash your thoughts and motives. You do not have to cover your sin by blaming others or by self-atoning logic. You do not have to give yourself to acts of penance (self-atonement) that make you feel better about yourself. You do not have to search for biblical passages that will give ease to your conscience. No, your debt has been fully paid. Your punishment has been borne by Another. There is One who has taken your place and been condemned instead of you. Paul says, ‘He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross’ (Colossians 2:13b-14). As God’s child, you have been forgiven for every act of self-focused independence and rebellion. –Paul David Tripp”

As quoted by Ukrainiac

Doesn’t that just cause your heart to sing aloud?

Why don’t you re-read it? Such joy in that truth. . .

Today’s sermon was about forgiveness, and drew from the parable of the unforgiving servant. I was rocking babies in the nursery, so I didn’t hear it. But my children relayed it to me in such detail — I know they grasped the meaning.

And this reminds me of some conversations we’ve been having here about how we relate to our children. . .

We have been forgiven ten-thousand years of sin and guilt. As we are reminded above, the debt has been completely paid by Christ. We don’t have to whitewash or excuse or self-atone for our sins. Christ has done it all. Fully.

How can we who have been forgiven much fail to convey that forgiveness to our children? How can we point to any actions of ours or theirs to cover their sins? Why do we hesitate to tell our children the Good News? “Your punishment has been borne by Another. There is One who has taken your place and been condemned instead of you. . . . As God’s child, you have been forgiven for every act of self-focused independence and rebellion.”

The Gospel is so simple. So profound.

I know several mothers are visiting here this week to discuss Biblical parenting. This is my daily prayer as a mother:

“Lord, remind me of the truth of the Gospel. Remind me of Christ’s atonement and how great a debt I have been forgiven. Keep me dependent upon You. Help me in each moment to point my children to the truth of the Gospel. Help us understand that the sin in our lives today has already been atoned for on the cross. Help me and my boys to turn to you in repentance each day, relying upon You alone in all things. Amen.”

Even though I have Carole on my blogroll, I can never remember where this series on nighttime parenting is, so I have to go to Molly’s, follow a link to Dani’s, and then the first article is linked in the sidebar. So, to shortcut that, here’s a direct link to the series so I can find it easily! I highly recommend reading the whole series as it encourages thoughts about mothering as ministry, during both daytime and nighttime hours.

Establishing the Nighttime Normal “I have often wondered what factors contributed to our culture’s present obsession with babies sleeping through the night. Certainly the use of formula must be one catalyst. The expectation that most women will return to work is, most likely, another. As a mother of three I can without a doubt say that the most popular question, asked by anyone and everyone, is, “Does he sleep through the night yet?”"

Looking to Science for the Norm “How can that be a coincidence? Infants wake to feed at the same rate as adults go in and out of deep sleep? I sense a Creative Designer behind this marvelous phenomenon.”

Co-sleeping: The Historical Norm? “[T]here are researchers studying mother-infant sleep from many perspectives, and that their conclusions fit with the way we mothers were wired – as tender, nurturing, life-givers.”

Co-sleeping: Acceptance and Diversity “I agree with the proposition that more of us “co-sleep” than we realize, however different it may look different from family to family. . . . as much as I am a proponent of the family bed and co-sleeping, it has taken a slightly different form here in our house.”

Related:
Nightwaking
Parenting Freedom: Sleep
KellyMom: Nighttime and Sleep
Parenting Freedom: Sleep Training
Woman to Woman, Helen E. Aardsma
Mothering in the Shadow of the Cross

More for the mommy-inspiration files, from Kim at Upward Call. I asked her if I could share this here, because it wasn’t originally posted on her blog or written with mothers in mind. Instead, these were ideas she was mulling and had in mind for a younger group of Believers, those who are not yet parents. Still these were the words I needed to read and again turned my heart towards Christ and my children.

As a parent, I have learned a lot. As a parent, I have re-visited how I was parented and how I behaved as a child. Of course, sin mars all we do, and there were mistakes I made as a child that I wish I could erase. While Christ has forgiven me for them, they remain in my memory.

It is the same thing with being a parent. I am sure that someday, I will have even more regrets than I do already for things done and not done.

One thing I can say, however, in encouragement to you who have yet to be parents is this: encourage your children.

There is nothing more devestating than being a child who never gets any encouragement for what he does. Some parents will tell all their friends how wonderful their children are, but will never tell the child to her face. Some parents are full of criticism, condemnation, and rules that have no rational explanation, and the kid never know which way is up. I know that I have not always been encouraging as a parent. I need to daily, verbally, emotionally, and even with a hug, encourage my kids.

Kids who grow up with no encouragement may become people who don’t encourage. Kids who grow up with unmerciful, legalistic rules may become unmerciful, legalistic people. I have been married long enough to know how difficult it is to shed the baggage from my childhood. Sometimes, without meaning to, we simply mimick parenting we received. Now, if it’s good parenting, that’s one thing, but all too often we repeat the mistakes of our parents. We need to pray to God for deliverance from ungodly parenting ways.

So, young people, when you become parents — and that is not all that far in the future, you know; just think how fast the past ten years have gone and you will realize how fast the next ten are going to go — ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILDREN. Tell them when they’ve done well. Discipline them IN LOVE AND WITH MERCY when they make mistakes. And love them fiercely.

“What I tell my childbirth classes is,

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Each of you are just the right mother for your children. God gave your children to you–not as a possession, but to nurture and raise to His glory. I am not the one God chose to mother your child–not me, not anyone else. Your love and God’s grace are what your child needs–regardless of what parenting books, websites, and ideas you come across along the way. You will have challenges, struggles, heartaches, as well as love, joys and successes!

Through it all, we learn to lean into the Lord. . . to trust Him. . . to turn to Him in prayer and humility and rest. . .

And we are free! Free from philosophies, free from rules. . . free to turn to the Lord and grow into the mothers He has called us to be!

I have found it freeing to learn and study and seek wisdom–both the direct revelation in the Bible as well as revelation in God’s creation. One resource as we seek the Lord in our ministry of mothering is the website Parenting Freedom. This site is newly online, but the mother behind it has long been sharing mothering encouragement with me and others. I appreciate her willingness to learn, grow, seek the Lord and find freedom in parenting.

I encourage you to visit the website, be encouraged by the Scripture, be challenged by the research, and know you have freedom to seek the Lord as you nurture the children He has given you.

“If mothers could learn to do for themselves what they do for their children, we should have happier households. Let the mother go out to play! If she would only have courage to let everything go when life becomes too tense, and just take a day, or half a day, out in the fields, or with a favorite book, or in a picture gallery looking long and well at just two or three pictures, or in bed, without the children, life would go on far more happily for both children and parents.”

–Charlotte Mason

(Via ThatMom)

A must read for mothers and others:
Here I Raise My Ebenezer

A reminder to lean into the Lord, especially when we and our children are both struggling.

For the Mommy-Inspiration Files.

For several months I’ve been listening to the weekly podcasts of ThatMom – homeschool mother and grandmother Karen Campbell. I’ve known Karen via her daughter for several years now. The podcasts are definitely included in my Mommy-Inspiration Files.

What I’ve really appreciated is how Karen keeps returning to the Gospel, and how the Lord is leading each of us in our respective families. Too often in homeschooling (and Christian parenting) there is the tendency to become ideological or strive to do everything “just right.” In doing that, it is easy to adopt manmade standards and lose sight of our focus on Christ alone.

Karen and her guests come across as just another homeschool mom. Loving, imperfect, wanting the best for their children, seeking the Lord. In her tone, I hear the experience of a mother who has made it to grandmotherhood and the experience of a Christian who has made mistakes along the way and learned to lean into the Lord.

And for me, that is the encouragement I need.

ThatMom Blog
ThatMom Podcast Downloads

Quoting Devona, about Lutherama:

Discipline? Means of Grace?

I try not to meddle in the parenting of others. It

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“Children do not accidentally become righteous leaders or emotionally healthy and productive adults–any more than seeds thrown randomly to the wind grow to be part of a thriving garden. Simply throwing children into a cultural tornado and hoping for the best gives them little chance of living up to their potential or coming out unharmed. Someone needs to take responsibility for their nurture, protection, nourishment, intellectual development, manners, recreation, personal needs, and spiritual development. Someone needs to commit time and energy into staying close to them as they grow, encouraging and correcting and teaching.”

–Sally Clarkson, The Mission of Motherhood

“You do what

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For the Mommy-Inspiration Files. . .

The Blanket Commands

I’d like to invite you to visit Mothering By Grace, a new message board to encourage Christian mothers. While it is still brand new, it has already been a good source of mommy-inspiration for me.

A Vision For Mothering By Grace

This is a Christian, attachment parenting message board. Our distinctives include an emphasis on positive discipline, encouraging involvement in local communities and understanding freedom in Christ as a basis for making individual, educated parenting decisions. Our goal is to be both theologically sound and intellectually stimulating.

This was originally posted in January 2004, my first month blogging. I was revisiting it today because of an online discussion about sin and family norms, children, and the place of the Gospel in our families. So, I’m reposting it today.

The other night I was skimming Charles Hodge’s commentary on Romans and was just struck by how God relates to us as His children, and how I can follow that example with my children.

This is from the Crossway Books Classic Commentaries, page 189, commenting on Romans 6: 12-23:

“As no man is free from sin, as no man can perfectly keep the commandments of God, every man who rests on his personal conformity to the law as the basis of his acceptance with God must be condemned. We are not under the law in this sense, but under grace–that is, a system of free justification. We are justified by grace, without works.

We are not under a legal dispensation, requiring personal conformity to the law and entire freedom from sin, past and present, as the condition of our acceptance; but we are under a gracious dispensation, according to which God dispenses pardon freely and accepts the sinner as a sinner, for Christs’s sake, without works or merit of his own. Whoever is under the law, in the sense just explained, is not only condemned, but he is bound by a legal or slavish spirit. What he does, he does as a slave, to escape punishment. But he who is under grace, who is freely accepted by God and restored to his favor, is a child of God living under his Spirit. The principle of obeying him is love and not fear.

Here, as everywhere else in the Bible, it is assumed that the favor of God is in our life. We must be reconciled to Him before we can be holy: we must feel that He loves us before we can love Him.”

Reflections related to Parenting

“God. . .accepts the sinner as a sinner”
I know this to be true with God accepting me, and now I want to really just ACCEPT my children as who they are. I want to provide a “safe place to fall” for my kids, where they know they are accepted as they are, even when they sin. I know my parents have lived that out towards my siblings and me.

“What he does, he does as a slave, to escape punishment.”
I don’t want my children to be doing things out of fear, simply to escape punishment.

“But he who is under grace, who is freeely accepted by God and restored to his favor, is a child of God living under his Spirit.”
This is the part of the passage that first drew my attention to asking how I can relate this to me and my children, copying God as my Father.

“The principle of obeying him is love and not fear.”
Again, I don’t want it to be fear of me or fear of punishment that compels my children to obedience. But of love. Just as, truly, my obedience (imperfect though it may be) to God is out of a desire to please Him and out of love.

“we must feel that He loves us before we can love Him.”
I read a survey once that said something like 90% of kids knew their parents loved them, but only 30% FELT that their parents loved them. I want to really nurture my children, and have them FEEL loved by me and my husband.

“Play BALL!” It was the Little League T-ball All Stars game. I was number 17–the littlest on the team and the last to bat. I glanced into the stands, and was reassured to see my mother smiling at me and nursing my baby sister.

I wrote about these vivid and early memories of my mother and little sister a few years ago.

Just today, I came across this article by Elizabeth Pantley and marvelled at how these early interactions among mother, baby, and siblings can make such a profound impression. And how love and nurturing are passed along in our every day family interactions.

My three older children all play baseball, so Coleton and I spend much of our springtime at the ballpark. His first baseball season he was five months old. Since I was a coach on my daughter

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A lot of this comes down to how the Gospel is viewed, and the position of Children in the Church and how the Gospel applies to Children.

I believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross not only for me, but also for my children. I believe that the Gospel applies to them as much as it does to me. I believe the Bible teaches this–and even Christ does. We all know the passage where Jesus says, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them. . .”

I believe Christ paid the penalty for my children’s sins on the cross. When my children sin–I want to point them to the One who has already been punished for their sin. When my children sin (and they do–I do not have a weak view of sin)–I come alongside them, confront them with the ugly reality of sin in their lives, and help them repent. I pray that the Holy Spirit softens their hearts and enables them to truly repent. We pray together. We ask for God’s grace to do the right thing.

I do discipline. I help them form habits of right behaviour. I teach them right from wrong. I correct them. One of the most powerful passages on child discipline in the Bible is Duet 6:4-7:

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

That constant presence is the heart of discipleship, the heart of discipline.

See also:
The Heart of Grace

As hard as it is to read, I recommend PacemMama’s story of becoming a mother.

Thanks to Lydia, Nathan’s Helpmeet, who has drawn my attention to the works of William Gouge–specifically his pages upon pages of reflection on the Bible and breastfeeding. Lydia quoted a passage on cry-it-out and breastfeeding, but the section below really stood out to me.

Among other needful things, the milk of the breast is fit for young babes, and with it they are to be nourished. I think none doubt of the equity of this. It hath in all ages, and in all countries, been accounted the best food that can be for young babes. The metaphor, which S. Peter useth, taken from young infants [in the words, As new-born babes desire the sincere milk of the word (1 Peter 2:2)] confirmeth as much. So doth also the desire which such infants have to the milk of the breasts: and the ability, and promptness which is in them to suck: and God’s providence in causing a woman’s breasts to yield forth such milk: and the constant manner of nourishing little infants after this manner, commended in the Scripture: and [to conclude] the natural instinct which many unreasonable creatures have thus to nourish their young ones.

. . .

God hath given to women two breasts fit to contain and hold milk: and nipples unto them fit to have milk drawn from them. Why are these thus given? to lay them forth for ostentation? There is no warrant for that in all God’s word. They are directly given for the child’s food that cometh out of the womb; for till the child be born, there is no milk in the breasts: anon after it is born, milk ordinarily floweth into the breasts: yea a great part of the meat which they eat turneth into milk. They make this admirable work of God’s providence to be in vain, that dry up this spring, and suffer not their children to partake of the benefits of it.

–William Gouge, On Domestical Duties

Related:
Martin Luther: Theologian and Cloth Diaper Advocate
John Calvin: Theologian and Lactivist
Breastfeeding and the Bible

I made the short list on The Lactivist blogroll! Thanks, Jennifer!

And in recognition of that, here are some of my favorite writings on breastfeeding:

The Original Noonie Page

A Few Of My Favorite Things 2005, 2004

Play Ball! (Militant Breastfeeding Cult)

Breastfeeding and Babywise: The Realities, The Practicalities

Contented Cows Give Sweet Milk