TulipGirl

This was on my mind this week, after a conversation I had. . . I keep praying that the Lord will show me how to “restore gently” as the boys are getting older, as we are instroduced to new struggles. Originally posted May 2005.

___________

At this stage in my life, so much of my reading and studying is filtered through the perspective of mothering. This includes my studying of the Bible and theology. I find the deeper I dig into God’s Word, the more light it shines on my life–and how I ought to mother.

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:1-2

“Brothers. . .” This passage is written to Believers. As parents, God has given us special responsibility towards our children. But they are also our “brothers” and in the Covenant.

Kristen recently wrote,

We went to Ash Wednesday services at the beginning of Lent with Kate at the episcopal church around the corner (we missed liturgy) and when the priest put ashes on her little forehead, it really made an impact on me. As much as I am her mother, I am also her sister in Christ. This has been really helpful to me in thinking through parenting issues. Most Christians wouldn’t serve wine to a fellow Christian who was a recovering alcoholic. Why do they discipline their children and then set them up to do the same things again?

In his commentary on Galatians, Martin Luther clarifies that “caught in sin” is not speaking about doctrinal errors, “but about far lesser sins into which people fall not deliberately, but through weakness.” As our children are learning right from wrong, they will sin. As they are growing through various stages of development, they will have greater or lesser control over their impulses.

Luther goes on to say, “is caught in imply being tricked by the devil or sinful nature.” Sinful nature, temptation, weakness, developmental stages–remembering these sins of our children are part of their weakness helps me respond to them with compassion.

Luther states, “Paul therefore teaches how those who have fallen should be dealt with–namely those who are strong should raise them up and restore them gently.” I don’t always feel “strong” or “spiritual.” Often I feel weak and struggling myself. But it is my responsibility to raise my children and be strong for them. We have no trouble with the idea of parents being a “mama bear” protecting her young child. I also want to be strong spiritually to correct them gently, to be the “mama bear” to help my children when they are struggling with sin.

It’s interesting to note that this passage is immediately proceeded by the admonitions to walk in the Spirit and the list of the fruit of the Spirit– love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. These should be on my mind as I restore my children gently.

Luther reinforces the idea of this passage reminding us of “the fatherly and motherly affection that Paul requires of those who have charge over souls.”

What does “restoring gently” look like? Luther explains, “when they see that those persons are sorrowful for their offenses, they should begin to raise them up again, to comfort them, and to mitigate their faults as much as they can—yet through mercy only, which they must set against sin, lest those who have fallen are swallowed up with depression.” And “. . .gently, and not in the zeal of severe justice.”

To be honest, at times I’ve had Christian mothers advocate some child-training approaches that seemed to have more of the “zeal of severe justice” than how Luther describes the Holy Spirit’s correction, “mild and pitiful in forbearing.”

After restoring gently, we are told to “carry each other’s burdens.” I see this, in light of mothering, as an especial entreaty to know our particular children and their particular weaknesses.

One of my sons is insecure around lots of guests–and he has responded in the past by getting very loud, climbing on furniture, and even hitting a guest. I’ve found that to carry his burden means I prepare him beforehand for our guests, and I hold his hand when they arrive, until he is comfortable and calm. Another son is prone to lash out at his brothers when he is angry. Bearing his burden has meant praying with him and for him, helping him recognize when he feels anger rising, and giving him strategies to deal with that anger without hitting. And it has meant letting him know it’s good to come to me and say, “Mommy, I’m angry” so I can help him not sin in his anger.

Also in this encouragement to carry one another’s burdens, it strikes me how wrong it is to follow the child-training technique of placing a child in a situation of temptation–to test him and see whether he can withstand it (or be punished.) This method is encouraged by some for training toddlers and preschoolers, and seems to be very contrary to bearing the burdens of temptation.

Luther also comments on this passage that sometimes in bearing with one another, things need to just be let go–“These people are the ones who are overtaken by sin and have the burdens that Paul commands us to carry. In this case, let us not be rigorous and merciless, but follow the example of Christ, who bears and forbears these burdens. If he does not punish them, though He might do so with justice, much less ought we to do so.”

“And watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. . .” For parents, I see this as a two-fold warning. First, to be gentle, not be angry—the caution here illustrates how very easy it is to slip into being harsh.

And also I see the warning not to be tempted to pride. When we become concerned about appearing to be “good parents” it is easy to slip into correcting harshly, minutely. This is one of the areas in which I struggled a lot, especially when my children were smaller. And especially when we were guests in churches and people’s homes. I felt pressure (from myself even more than others) for my kids to be perfect and “prove” we were worthy to be missionaries. That pressure tempted me both into pride in my children’s good behaviour, as well being overly picky and correcting unnecessarily.

The end of these verses is “in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” As Martin Luther said,

“After Christ had redeemed us, renewed us, and made us his church, he gave us no other law but that of mutual love. To love is not to wish one another well, but to carry one another’s burdens–that is, things that are grievous to us, and that we would not willingly bear. Therefore, Christians (parents!) must have strong shoulders and mighty bones, so they can carry their brother’s weaknesses. . . Love, therefore, is mild, courteous, and patient, not in receiving, but in giving, for it is constrained to wink at many things and to bear them.

Footnote: Quotations are from the Crossway Commentary series, Martin Luther on Galatians. Luther’s commentary is also available online, in a variant translation.

One year ago. . .

The boys ran to me and said, “Mom, mom! There is an ambulance outside!” They were looking out their bedroom window, watching the commotion in front of our next door neighbor’s house.

They wanted to go outside. Get a closer look.

I didn’t know what was going on. . . “Boys, give them space. Give them privacy. We’ll find out what is going on later.”

Ambulances signal emergency. In this case, it was a tragedy.

.

Earlier this week I read about Job’s friends. They often get derided for the counsel they gave Job. But before they said anything? “they raised their voices and wept, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads toward heaven. And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great.”

I didn’t sit with Janice. I cried, but didn’t raise my voice and tear my clothes. Honestly, I don’t know how to weep with those who weep. We went to Derek’s memorial service. The community was there; friends, family mourning for Derek and his family and the other kids around here who are struggling in so many ways.

.

One traditional proverb a friend in Ukraine shared with me is “Little children, little problems. Big children, big problems.” My children are still pretty young. I like to think they are immune from the hurt and pain and problems in life. While I know that isn’t true, part of me still hopes it is. But it reminds me of what my mother has told me, what was recently echoed by my pastor,

“It is surprising how seldom books on parenting talk about prayer. We instinctively believe that if we have the right biblical principles and apply them consistently, our kids will turn out right. But that didn’t work for God in the Garden of Eden. Perfect environment. Perfect relationships. And still God’s two children went bad.

“Many parents, including myself, are initially confident we can change our child. We don’t surrender to our child’s will (which is good), but we try to dominate the child with our own (which is bad). Without realizing it, we become demanding….

“Until we become convinced we can’t change our child’s heart, we will not take prayer seriously….”

Paul E. Miller, A Praying Life

“Children do not accidentally become righteous leaders or emotionally healthy and productive adults -– any more than seeds thrown randomly to the wind grow to be part of a thriving garden. Simply throwing children into a cultural tornado and hoping for the best gives them little chance of living up to their potential or coming out unharmed.

Someone needs to take responsibility for their nurture, protection, nourishment, intellectual development, manners, recreation, personal needs, and spiritual development. Someone needs to commit time and energy into staying close to them as they grow, encouraging and correcting and teaching.”

–Sally Clarkson via MbG

Years ago, a friend lent me some cassette tapes (remember those?) with Sally Clarkson sharing encouragement about homeschooling. I remember it was just the right bit of mommy-inspiration for that time. Clay and Sally Clarkson continue to communicate the Gospel, nurturing parents and children.

Happy birthday, Sally!

Whenever I start thinking I’m spending too much time online, the Julie Miller song from the early ’90s starts playing in my brain. While that’s not what the song is really about, still I don’t want my family to have their memories being the back of my head.

I listened to your talking, I believed in what you said…but I only saw the back of your head.
…
I wouldn’t have been misguided, I wouldn’t have been misled…but I only saw the back of your head.
…
Well, you promised me a lot of stuff that you never could keep,
You said you were a friend, but you’re a wolf among the sheep,
You said you’d do your best for me, to keep me clothed and fed…but I only saw the back of your head.

Speaking of, April 20 – 26 is Turnoff Week. It started as Turn-off-the-TV week. . . but now they are promoting “screen time awareness.” So, I guess that means the wii, nintendo, dvds, computers. . .

(Via Carol)

We’ve forgotten what Luther said. We don’t parent to demonstrate the Gospel — to show those around us how beautifully we can do it all. No, we parent because it is the Gospel — because God takes us in as foundlings, lifts us up as His own, loves us even when we stink, puke, and screach, and He dresses us, carries us, and loves us.

It’s not about showing. It’s about loving. It’s not about beauty. It’s about serving the smallest and the littlest in the darkest part of the night when there’s no one is up except us and that wee one and God.

– Camille

Read the rest here.

.

Lord, let my life be a reflection of the Gospel, especially in my relationships with my husband and children.

“but when i start the day praying “God help me, help us all today, to love each other and show kindness to each other,” i remember THAT instead when the more hands-on discipline takes place . . . obviously, not always, but most of the time setting myself up for success this way first thing in the morning and throughout the day is a simple way to remember a simple thing, that loving each other and showing kindness pretty much solves all of the problems in the house.”

–mollie

I collect bits of mommy-inspiration, as I explained to a friend this week, because the Lord uses them to keep my eyes on Him and keep my heart on my children when I’m struggling and stressing and reaching the point of burn-out.

The above quote really reached my heart today. Reminded me of what my mother modeled and how much I’ve come to understand what she meant by prayer being such an integral part of parenting.

Simply looking to the Lord first, turning to Him in prayer. . . Loving each other, showing kindness. . .

Who wants to be my kitchen helper?

That’s a common question around here — at least, when I cook, which isn’t quite as often as it used to be.  Over time, having a Kitchen Helper has become a special time to work together, talk together, be together.  Tonight, R9 was my kitchen helper.  We made hummus, with chickpeas that we thawed from the freezer.  Hummus and fresh veggies.  Yummm!  That’s been enough for a summer dinner at times.

But tonight it’s overcast and windy, even though we are feeling just the very edges of Ike.  So we made comfort food, too.  A big wok full of potatoes, onions, and sausage.  I cut the veggies and my kitchen helper stirred them, keeping them from burning and telling me when they were ready.  Much of my cooking these days is impromptu, so I’m hoping that the boys are learning not just basic culinary skills, but also the abilty to look into the fridge and figure out what could be prepared that is somewhat nutritious.  Hummus and sausage?  Not exactly traditional combinations, but it worked tonight.

I’ve been reading “Hold On To Your Kids:  Why parents Need To Matter More Than Peers,” which my friend Carol gave to me.  I’m still in the first few chapters, and so far it is very insightful.  And it has made me thankful for the rituals we have in our family — rituals like Who wants to be my kitchen helper?

NGJ Magazine encouraged its followers to comment on how Pearl parenting is working for them on various websites including this one. I couldn’t let the following story get lost in the comments, especially as I know this family and have seen through the years God’s amazing healing in part of the family (as well as the continued struggling in other parts of the family.)

Thank you for sharing with such transparency, Jo.

QUOTE:

“You want to talk fruits of a parenting? Let’s compare and contrast myself with…oh MY PARENTS. My mother is a faithful and avid reader of NGJ. She adores the Pearls and when I first became a mother made it very clear that to be a good mother I needed to adhere to their methods as well.

“While I was not raised specifically by TTUAC because it was not yet written, I was raised in that same method, in that same Christian culture and my mother certainly does adhere to TTUAC methods with the 5 she is currently raising.

“So, let’s see. Mom has 3 adult children and 1 on the verge with which to judge her parenting. Oh but wait, she doesn’t speak to her adult children anymore. We’re too dysfunctional and of this world now for her to have time for. And, for our own part, we happen to believe she should have been locked up for her selfish parenting and her child abuse…oh, that’s right, the Pearls call it Biblical parenting. My sister’s therapist recently called it battery acid. I thought that was a good description.

“So, my mother has 3 thriving healthy adult children whom she has no contact with whatsoever. She has 8 (with a 9th on the way) grandchildren, all of which she is forbidden to have any contact with. Her 17 year old is desperately waiting to finish high school next year so he can get out of her house and has NO intention of speaking to her once he leaves. Her 14 year old hates her and tells me this via emails when she gets a chance. Her 12 year old…well, he’s attempted to run away repeatedly now. Verdict is still out on the 11 and 10 year olds. But, to be quite honest, that’s not a track record I would want for my parenting of 8 children. At least 5 either have no contact or openly state they will have no contact once they are old enough to leave her home.

“Good, Pearl Biblical parenting at work for you, ladies. I lived it. I should know.

“Meanwhile, I subscribe to a gentler, more loving parenting style. I prefer to parent as if Jesus were actively watching me and actively reminding me that I must be like a child to enter the Kingdom myself.

“My children are amazing. I don’t just say this as a proud mother. My youngest son’s therapist informed me Thursday he’s NEVER met children like mine. Church members weep to see the beauty of my children. Heck, I weep to see the beauty that God has blessed me with in these children.

“Oh, therapist you say. Yes, see my youngest son is still a fosterchild. He has huge demons in his heart and soul still. We’re still fighting. No, we’re not waiting for the countdown until we can spank him. We’re fighting to help him heal.

“And, here is the TRUE mark of my children for you. This week, my son’s therapist told us to give up on him. Told us the cost to save him will be too great for the other children to pay.

“Being good parents, we discussed this with the other children. Afte rall, the fight to save and heal this one will take the largest toll on these children. I honestly expected at least a few of the children to say yes, we must give up.

“They didn’t. And, they had no reason to feel they had to say something *we* expected, because we are honestly weak and fragile and aren’t sure we can help this child heal.

“Nope. My children clearly demonstrated the love of Christ in a way I had forgotten in the trenches with this hurting child. They unanimously told us we MUST carry on. They LOVE him, even though they know he does not love them. And, as far as they are concerned, his life is worth what it will cost them. Furthermore didn’t we, mommy and daddy, remember that this is precisely what Jesus would have us do? This is what Jesus wanted us to do And, no matter how naughty and difficult this child is, Jesus still loves him and we must too.

“I’m not a perfect parent. Far from it, honestly. But, I didn’t spank this fruit of the Spirit into my children. I showed them by example what it means to live a life in the shadow of the Cross. And, they have chosen to find their own path to that Cross and to live a life always conscious of what their Savior would have them do. I didn’t stand and attempt to BE their Savior, as Pearl would tell us we should. I merely allowed my life to be an example to point the way to that Cross. Their Savior found them, each and every one of them, he claimed them and they have chosen to follow HIM, not me, HIM.

“And, unlike Micheal Pearl, when my children went to that Cross to find their Savior, they never found me there telling them I represented their Savior. They found a merciful and loving God one they have chosen to follow. And, today, one they have chosen to remain in obedience to even at a high cost to themselves to fight for the heart of a little brother who has never known true love and true commitment and safety before entering this home and being surrounded by these siblings.

“Now, I’m sorry. But, for me the question of whether to follow Micheal Pearl or my Christ is a very simple answer. I look at my parents who followed Pearl and I see the fruits of their labors. And, I look at my children, whom have been raised with the love and mercy that a forgiving and protective Creator would have them raised in. I see fruits in my children which humble me. I see hearts in tune with their Creator in ways I can only wish to be. And, I realize quite simply that Micheal Pearl has missed the mark.

“Hurting children? Yup, missing the mark and deciding to be the Savior for your children is definitely hurting children. I should know. I was one of those children hurt by this parenting method.

_________

Thank you, Jo, for sharing from such a vulnerable place in life. May God continue to heal your family and your children — as well as your parents and siblings still struggling.

How can we possibly share in a few short sentences the path the Lord has led our family down over many years? A sound-bite is insufficient to share God’s deep mercies.

Yet, Ann at Holy Experience walks her readers through what the Lord has done in her family’s life in the area of growing beyond perfectionism and embracing the Gospel in parenting.

Just a snippet, but read the whole thing:

Perfectionism

Sometimes we must speak or the stones will cry out. I have cried. It is now time to speak. To speak of our family’s personal experiences applying the teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl. . . .

ALWAYS OBEY—NO MERCY

I am not faithfully, unfailingly obedient. I fail…miserably. Often. You know it, Lord. The letters on the screen eddy in pools of tears, testifying.

Then why did I ever think our children could be perfectly obedient? 100% of the time?

I read and understood:

“If he [disobeys], spring into the room with your little switch and pop him on the bare legs one or two times. No anger on your part—no raised voices. Just make it more pleasant to stay in bed. Never allow him to get his way.… Train them right and they will always obey.” (NGJ, Vol 1, pg 7)

Always? Unwavering obedience? And if not, were more switches were necessary? That seemed to be the Pearl premise.

Do you not train me well enough, Lord? I don’t obey You without fail, Father. And You are an infinitely better Father to me than I am a Mother to these children. Then why did I think I could have “always” obedience from these precious ones? You discipline me, Lord— but always in the context of mercy and love—and a Cross.

Ann V., Holy Experience

Read the rest here.

Come, ye sinners, poor and wretched,
Weak and wounded, sick and sore;
Jesus, ready, stands to save you,
Full of pity, joined with power.
He is able, He is able;
He is willing; doubt no more.

Come ye needy, come, and welcome,
God’s free bounty glorify;
True belief and true repentance,
Every grace that brings you nigh.
Without money, without money
Come to Jesus Christ and buy.

Come, ye weary, heavy laden,
Bruised and broken by the fall;
If you tarry ’til you’re better,
You will never come at all.
Not the righteous, not the righteous;
Sinners Jesus came to call.

Let not conscience make you linger,
Nor of fitness fondly dream;
All the fitness He requireth
Is to feel your need of Him.
This He gives you, this He gives you,
‘Tis the Spirit’s rising beam.

Lo! The Incarnate God, ascended;
Pleads the merit of His blood.
Venture on Him; venture wholly,
Let no other trust intrude.
None but Jesus, none but Jesus
Can do helpless sinners good.

–TH 472

The other night I had the most pleasant dream. The whole family was together and we were singing hymns. It wasn’t voice-tiring. I remember in my dream looking up a hymn in the first-line index that started with “Come. . .” but can’t remember which hymn it was. (In the dream hymnal it was #3, but in the Trinity Hymnal, #3 doesn’t start with “Come. . .”)

One of the things I’m most thankful for is a friend who gave us a copy of the Trinity Hymnal when the boys were little. Thats when we started singing hymns together during our morning circle time. J was a preschooler, T a toddler, and R an infant. That was a hard year for me, with a pretty rough case of unrecognized post-partum depression. Singing with the boys renewed my soul. And it still does.

Even though I have Carole on my blogroll, I can never remember where this series on nighttime parenting is, so I have to go to Molly’s, follow a link to Dani’s, and then the first article is linked in the sidebar. So, to shortcut that, here’s a direct link to the series so I can find it easily! I highly recommend reading the whole series as it encourages thoughts about mothering as ministry, during both daytime and nighttime hours.

Establishing the Nighttime Normal “I have often wondered what factors contributed to our culture’s present obsession with babies sleeping through the night. Certainly the use of formula must be one catalyst. The expectation that most women will return to work is, most likely, another. As a mother of three I can without a doubt say that the most popular question, asked by anyone and everyone, is, “Does he sleep through the night yet?”"

Looking to Science for the Norm “How can that be a coincidence? Infants wake to feed at the same rate as adults go in and out of deep sleep? I sense a Creative Designer behind this marvelous phenomenon.”

Co-sleeping: The Historical Norm? “[T]here are researchers studying mother-infant sleep from many perspectives, and that their conclusions fit with the way we mothers were wired – as tender, nurturing, life-givers.”

Co-sleeping: Acceptance and Diversity “I agree with the proposition that more of us “co-sleep” than we realize, however different it may look different from family to family. . . . as much as I am a proponent of the family bed and co-sleeping, it has taken a slightly different form here in our house.”

Related:
Nightwaking
Parenting Freedom: Sleep
KellyMom: Nighttime and Sleep
Parenting Freedom: Sleep Training
Woman to Woman, Helen E. Aardsma
Mothering in the Shadow of the Cross

With all the new babies and babies soon to be born, I just had to share these TWO contests! (No blog, website, or purchase needed to enter!)

Love to babywear?

Win the Essential Babywearing Stash from Along for the Ride
(one Beco Butterfly, one Hotsling baby pouch, one BabyHawk Mei Tai, one Zolowear Ring Sling, and one Gypsy Mama Wrap)

Want to try cloth diapering?

BumGenius 3.0 Cloth Diaper Starter Kit!

I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
Psalm 34:4,5 NIV

Listen to me…
you whom I have upheld since you were conceived,
and have carried since your birth.
Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he,
I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
Isaiah 46:3,4 NIV

We wait in hope for the LORD;
he is our help and our shield.
In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love rest upon us,
O LORD, even as we put our hope in you.
Psalm 33:20-22 NIV

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7 NIV

Surely God is my salvation;
I will trust and not be afraid.
The LORD, the LORD,
is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
Isaiah 12:2 NIV

Peace I leave with you;
my peace I give you.
I do not give to you as the world gives.
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:27 NIV

As a two friends announces the joy of a coming babies, as my sister enters her last month of pregnancy, and as another friend prepares to hold her daughter tomorrow, these are my prayers for the pregnant women in my life. (Borrowed from Parenting Freedom)

“Paddock’s siblings and the daughters in the foster home where social workers placed Paddock described her as timid and shy. They said she had a tendency to follow the lead of others and never stuck up for herself.

Judy Blazek, one of the daughters in the foster home where Paddock was sent at age 14, said that it didn’t surprise her that Paddock would discipline her children following the instruction of a minister who wrote about child rearing.

Paddock “wanted her family to be perfect. So she would pretty much follow any book or any suggestion that you gave her on helping these children through life. I see her spanking them to get them to be perfect.”

Reported by Mandy Locke

How many times have we as loving, Christian mothers wanted our “family to be perfect”?

Even when we know that we are not, cannot be perfect–what is it in us that desires for that perfection in our families? A desire to measure up? Measure up to our churches’ standards, our subculture’s standards, our own internalized standards?

Seeking that idealized family, how many of us have turned to the Pearls, the Ezzos, the Phillips, the Bauchams. . . or whoever currently has a voice and paints a pretty picture of an ideal family?

Not that we shouldn’t seek encouragement. . . certainly we have much to learn from one another, especially from those who have been there, done that and gone the distance.

But it is so easy to become entangled in the yoke of bondage, enslaved to ideals devised by men and women. We seek perfection, instead of the Perfect One. We want to earn approval, at the least from ourselves–and isn’t that in reality trying to earn approval from God?

We are called to raise our children in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. This is a good thing. But when a good thing becomes an ultimate thing, as Tim Keller describes, it become an idol.

As well meaning as Lynn Paddock is. . . as well meaning as Michael Pearl is. . . isn’t this the heart of the issue? The idolatry of the “perfect family” removing our focus from Christ?

May we all take heed. Repent. Know that we don’t have to “measure up” or have the “perfect family,” because Christ and His righteousness are already ours, by His amazing grace. May we rest in Him in our daily struggles as families, growing closer to Him and each other.

T10 is a budding cetologist. Like I told Carol, maybe it was because Baby Beluga was one of our favorite lullabies?

It seems as if the Lord is bringing forth new life in so many families around us. What a joy! What a reminder of His blessings! I want to especially rejoice in the births of Marlowe and Connar.

And we are continuing to wait (not for long, though!) with Heather and Aliza. Just a few more months, and more babies will be born (including those to non-blogging friends!)

“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.”

The Lord reveals an aspect of His nature to us both in word and in the examples we see in His creation.

May the mothers and children around us be the living illustrations of God’s goodness, faithfulness, and lovingkindness; and may we look to the God of all comfort in our everyday needs.

(Artwork by Cathy Rositano)

O worship the King, all glorious above,
O gratefully sing His power and His love;
Our Shield and Defender, the Ancient of Days,
Pavilioned in splendor, and girded with praise.

O tell of His might, O sing of His grace,
Whose robe is the light, whose canopy space,
His chariots of wrath the deep thunderclouds form,
And dark is His path on the wings of the storm.

The earth with its store of wonders untold,
Almighty, Thy power hath founded of old;
Established it fast by a changeless decree,
And round it hath cast, like a mantle, the sea.

Thy bountiful care, what tongue can recite?
It breathes in the air, it shines in the light;
It streams from the hills, it descends to the plain,
And sweetly distills in the dew and the rain.

Frail children of dust, and feeble as frail,
In Thee do we trust, nor find Thee to fail;
Thy mercies how tender, how firm to the end,
Our Maker, Defender, Redeemer, and Friend.

O measureless might! Ineffable love!
While angels delight to worship Thee above,
The humbler creation, though feeble their lays,
With true adoration shall all sing Thy praise.

When the boys were toddlers, we started having a “morning circle time” ala waldorf/montessori which included singing hymns from our red Trinity Hymnal. As I don’t read music well, we started with hymns with familiar tunes. O Worship The King was one we sang frequently.

Today one of the boys was very upset, the kind of upset that breathing gets ragged and it is hard to calm down. In our family, no one cries alone–unless they want to be alone. So I was cuddling with him and silently praying. . . words just weren’t appropriate. So I sang softly to him, his special lull-a-bye song, Baby Beluga, Amazing Grace and O Worship the King. His breathing became calm during O Worship the King. We prayed together, and he went out to play.

Hope PCA’s pastor, Randy Greenwald, recently preached on children in the Covenant.

It is worth the time to listen and reflect.

Related to that, in another discussion, I posed these questions:

How are our actions and what we communicate to our children reflecting what we believe? Are our actions in discipline consistent with our theology? Are we pointing to a Gospel that is completely dependent upon Christ and what He has done for us?

What we believe impacts how we live in our everyday lives.

More for the mommy-inspiration files, from Kim at Upward Call. I asked her if I could share this here, because it wasn’t originally posted on her blog or written with mothers in mind. Instead, these were ideas she was mulling and had in mind for a younger group of Believers, those who are not yet parents. Still these were the words I needed to read and again turned my heart towards Christ and my children.

As a parent, I have learned a lot. As a parent, I have re-visited how I was parented and how I behaved as a child. Of course, sin mars all we do, and there were mistakes I made as a child that I wish I could erase. While Christ has forgiven me for them, they remain in my memory.

It is the same thing with being a parent. I am sure that someday, I will have even more regrets than I do already for things done and not done.

One thing I can say, however, in encouragement to you who have yet to be parents is this: encourage your children.

There is nothing more devestating than being a child who never gets any encouragement for what he does. Some parents will tell all their friends how wonderful their children are, but will never tell the child to her face. Some parents are full of criticism, condemnation, and rules that have no rational explanation, and the kid never know which way is up. I know that I have not always been encouraging as a parent. I need to daily, verbally, emotionally, and even with a hug, encourage my kids.

Kids who grow up with no encouragement may become people who don’t encourage. Kids who grow up with unmerciful, legalistic rules may become unmerciful, legalistic people. I have been married long enough to know how difficult it is to shed the baggage from my childhood. Sometimes, without meaning to, we simply mimick parenting we received. Now, if it’s good parenting, that’s one thing, but all too often we repeat the mistakes of our parents. We need to pray to God for deliverance from ungodly parenting ways.

So, young people, when you become parents — and that is not all that far in the future, you know; just think how fast the past ten years have gone and you will realize how fast the next ten are going to go — ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILDREN. Tell them when they’ve done well. Discipline them IN LOVE AND WITH MERCY when they make mistakes. And love them fiercely.

Each of you are just the right mother for your children. God gave your children to you–not as a possession, but to nurture and raise to His glory. I am not the one God chose to mother your child–not me, not anyone else. Your love and God’s grace are what your child needs–regardless of what parenting books, websites, and ideas you come across along the way. You will have challenges, struggles, heartaches, as well as love, joys and successes!

Through it all, we learn to lean into the Lord. . . to trust Him. . . to turn to Him in prayer and humility and rest. . .

And we are free! Free from philosophies, free from rules. . . free to turn to the Lord and grow into the mothers He has called us to be!

I have found it freeing to learn and study and seek wisdom–both the direct revelation in the Bible as well as revelation in God’s creation. One resource as we seek the Lord in our ministry of mothering is the website Parenting Freedom. This site is newly online, but the mother behind it has long been sharing mothering encouragement with me and others. I appreciate her willingness to learn, grow, seek the Lord and find freedom in parenting.

I encourage you to visit the website, be encouraged by the Scripture, be challenged by the research, and know you have freedom to seek the Lord as you nurture the children He has given you.

ChewyMom on Instant-Gratification Parenting.

A reminder to lean into the Lord, especially when we and our children are both struggling.

For the Mommy-Inspiration Files.

jude is blue much of the day lately and has started waking at night and yelling for reasons unknown. his misery is hard to manage, annoying, laughable at times. it makes me wonder how God can stand all of our whining and moaning all of the time, thousands (not just one, two, three) of his children screaming, muttering their unintelligable requests, demands, accusations, offering a begrudging thanks because they feel like they have to, taking mercy and grace for granted day in and day out. it also makes me glad that God parents me better than i parent these kids in this house. thank you, God, for seeing only Jesus when you look at me, at jude, at us.

–mollie

In the past few weeks, several close friends or family members have announced that they will be having little bundles of joy make springtime appearances, including:

Laura
Shelley
Amanda
Aliza
Heather

I’m thrilled. Sharing the excitement, the joy, the preparations. . . thanking the Lord along with them for their children.

“And lastly, and I say this gently, as the parent of grown kids, knowing *insert parenting guru* is also the parent of grown kids: we have wonderful children–he does, I’m sure–and so do I. But without even knowing his children I can know this about them: they are not perfect. They hurt. They make mistakes. They struggle. They are prideful and overly simplistic at times; and crippled by shame and hesitancy at others. Yes–they are beautiful examples of human beings, his children (I assume), and mine (I know.) But they are not perfect. If they were, they would not be human. If it were possible to raise children to perfection, then God would have sent a parenting method, not Jesus. Our marching orders are not to raise our children by a method to be like *insert parenting guru* children. Our marching orders are to be Christians to and with our children.”

–katiekind

I first posted this quote two years ago. This bit of inspiration is from a mother with three sons, who has given me a glimpse of the future with adult sons. Similarly, this week I read a transparent account of parenting mishaps and milestones from a mother with grown children and grandchildren.

Still, it is my own mother that continues to say the good things, the hard things, that I need to hear in my own life, for my own family. She gives me hope–in that the areas in which I struggle, she has already struggled through to the other side. In her life and mine, we have lived out the above truism, “[T]hey are not perfect. They hurt. They make mistakes. They struggle. They are prideful and overly simplistic at times; and crippled by shame and hesitancy at others. . . Our marching orders are to be Christians to and with our children.”

A discussion started here:

“I’ve read Kimmel. But how do you do that with a two-year-old?”

A friend of mine asked me the question. . . She read Kimmel’s Grace-Based Parenting. Appreciated what he had to say! But then she wonders, “How does that look in the day-to-day life of parenting a toddler?”

So . . . how do you answer that question?

Your thoughts?

Quoting Devona, about Lutherama:

Discipline? Means of Grace?

I try not to meddle in the parenting of others. It

13 Comments »

When my cousin was expecting her first baby, I told her I wanted to get her a sling or baby carrier. Since this was her first, she wasn’t sure about which one to choose. Several friends recommended a Mei Tai-style carrier–especially since I was slow to get her this gift and her infant is now an energetic and mobile 9 month old!

So, I’m gathering links to illustrate how to use a Mei Tai / ABC carrier. Any recommendations?

Websites:
Mama Toto ABCs
Mama Toto Carrying a Toddler
The Baby Wearer Pouch Links
The Baby Wearer Benefits Links
The Baby Wearer ABC Links
Kozy Carrier Instructions
Wrap Your Baby
Nurtured Little One

Videos:
ABC Front Carry
ABC Back Carry
Pouch Carry
With an Bigger Child

(Link thanks to Devona, Kristen, Kurt, Renata, Suzi and Rachel!)