Love Them Fiercely

More for the mommy-inspiration files, from Kim at Upward Call. I asked her if I could share this here, because it wasn't originally posted on her blog or written with mothers in mind. Instead, these were ideas she was mulling and had in mind for a younger group of Believers, those who are not yet parents. Still these were the words I needed to read and again turned my heart towards Christ and my children.

As a parent, I have learned a lot. As a parent, I have re-visited how I was parented and how I behaved as a child. Of course, sin mars all we do, and there were mistakes I made as a child that I wish I could erase. While Christ has forgiven me for them, they remain in my memory.

It is the same thing with being a parent. I am sure that someday, I will have even more regrets than I do already for things done and not done.

One thing I can say, however, in encouragement to you who have yet to be parents is this: encourage your children.

There is nothing more devestating than being a child who never gets any encouragement for what he does. Some parents will tell all their friends how wonderful their children are, but will never tell the child to her face. Some parents are full of criticism, condemnation, and rules that have no rational explanation, and the kid never know which way is up. I know that I have not always been encouraging as a parent. I need to daily, verbally, emotionally, and even with a hug, encourage my kids.

Kids who grow up with no encouragement may become people who don't encourage. Kids who grow up with unmerciful, legalistic rules may become unmerciful, legalistic people. I have been married long enough to know how difficult it is to shed the baggage from my childhood. Sometimes, without meaning to, we simply mimick parenting we received. Now, if it's good parenting, that's one thing, but all too often we repeat the mistakes of our parents. We need to pray to God for deliverance from ungodly parenting ways.

So, young people, when you become parents -- and that is not all that far in the future, you know; just think how fast the past ten years have gone and you will realize how fast the next ten are going to go -- ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILDREN. Tell them when they've done well. Discipline them IN LOVE AND WITH MERCY when they make mistakes. And love them fiercely.

May 04, 2008 | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

Chew on This

ChewyMom on Instant-Gratification Parenting.

January 16, 2008 | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

Loving in the Face of Unloveliness

A reminder to lean into the Lord, especially when we and our children are both struggling.

For the Mommy-Inspiration Files.

December 11, 2007 | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

Ezzo Week Else-Web

ChewyMom shares her experiences--positive and negative--with Ezzo parenting. I "knew" Chewy from the GFI discussion boards (mid-90s) before they were closed without warning. (Interesting sidenote: It seems as if some Ezzo promoters are hoping to resurrect some sort of messageboard.) She was a "Contact Mom" and had a knack of encouraging young mothers--as she does now.

A dad compiles a new parents' list of must-haves. Babywise is among the must-haven'ts.

Kindly promotion of Ezzo Week over at Quiet Garden--with hints of more posting to follow.

ShangriLewis: "You do not need to trick your children into obeying, sleeping, or recieving salvation. These are all gifts from God and we the parents need to look towards the Almighty Grace he has shown upon us."

On the first post of her new blog, a mom-of-seven talks about how she used Ezzo parenting and then realized "my children became bitter and angry. Things didn’t change until I ditched the program and changed myself. My children are happy children, that love being part of a large family where everyone is included, and where they are permitted to think and discuss what is on their mind."

Thoughts of Home writes about Ezzo parenting and what she learned from her mother, a great source of mothering encouragment.

Rachel comments on Wisely Raising Babies, and shares common-sense and baby-friendly resources that have helped her.

Quiet Garden expands her thoughts on Ezzo parenting, including her first introduction to Gary Ezzo in the early 1990s, sharing details that are new to me. . .

Rocks in My Dryer shares the link love.

This Classical Life shares encouraging words about Ezzo Week.

In Martha's World, you can learn a lot about the biology of infant sleep as well as safe co-sleeping.

Batesline Blog has long been part of the TulipGirl Tulsa contingency. . . and so is promoting Ezzo Week as well.

Amie writes about the Gospel in parenting and the age of accountability.

Anne in Ukraine encourages Ezzo Week posting, too.

If I missed your Ezzo Week 2007 post, please let me know! I'm relying upon Blogsearch and Technorati, and they have their limits.

This post is part of the Ezzo Week 2007 series, raising awareness about the concerns with "philosophy" of parenting promoted by Gary Ezzo.

July 23, 2007 | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

Ezzo Week QotD: Speaking Up In Church

I was wondering what your thoughts are on gently contradicting fellow church members who like (and endorse!) the Ezzo materials. Someone recently donated the Growing Kid's God's Way to our tiny little church library and I definitely am going to speak up about it ... but want to do so in an informed and gentle manner. Any thoughts?

This has been a very hard question for me to answer. It was the first one e-mailed to me for Ezzo Week, and the last one that I'm posting.

So much depends upon your church, the relationships you have within the church, the pastor or elders, the degree to which Ezzo parenting is being promoted. . .

In the specific situation of the materials being in the library, I would go to the volunteer librarian or pastor and simply request they be removed. I would probably not want to confront those who donated them, but just quietly keep that resource from being available in (and thereby endorsed by) our church. If something did need to be said to the family who donated it, I would use the phrase a pastor I know uses--"That's just not the direction our church is going. . ." Simple. Respectful.

However, very rarely in life are things this straightforward. If it is necessary to bring concerns to the leadership of your church, I would recommend writing to illustrate how Gary Ezzo's teachings are not in line with your own church's teachings and doctrine. This isn't that difficult to do, considering the sloppy hermeneutics and misuse of Scripture widespread in the Ezzo materials.

The second point I would bring up is how sadly divisive Ezzo teaching tends to become in a church. In the infant materials, Ezzo strives to persuade with strawman arguments and promotes an "us vs. them" mentality. We saw this play out in the church in which we were introduced to Ezzo parenting, and other friends have lived through it, too. I would also point out how within the larger, mainstream community, Babywise has a poor reputation and promoting these materials is very likely to discourage new parents from joining the church.

I think it is important all the while, to communicate respect for other parents and the freedom for other parents to make their own family decisions. In my discussions about Ezzo parenting, I have wanted to be careful to not criticize any parent who uses Ezzo parenting. I have vocally criticized the materials as they are written and taught by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo.

If your church is actively teaching the Ezzo materials, you will likely need to take things to the next step. It will likely involve presenting a well-written letter with a notebook of supporting materials which bring up theological, church discipline, and character concerns, as well as issues of child development, infant feeding, and poor reputation in the mainstream community. I would also include a list of Christian leaders who have made statements of non-endorsement like Dr. James Dobson, Dr. John MacArthur, Rev. Chuck Smith, Dr. Tedd Tripp, Barbara Curtis, and so many more. You may need to request a meeting with your church leaders to present your concerns in person, and to make a specific request of action--whether it be stopping the classes being promoted by the church, removing the materials from the church library or even having the church make a statement of non-endorsement.

Please remember, that many churches who promote Ezzo parenting do so because of a pastor or elder who use the materials themselves. Likely, they are loving and actively involve in parenting their children. Questioning Gary Ezzo's teachings may feel to parents using the materials like you are attacking them as parents--even though you are not critizing them personally.

Take heart--I know several families who have presented their concerns to the leaders of their church, and had the materials removed and classes stopped.

I would really like to hear how others have presented their concerns within their churches. Your experience?

Do you have a question for our Ezzo Week Question of the Day? E-mail me! EzzoWeek@gmail.com . Please let me know whether you want to be anon or if you want me to identify you and your blog.

This post is part of the Ezzo Week 2007 series, raising awareness about the concerns with "philosophy" of parenting promoted by Gary Ezzo.

July 22, 2007 | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

Ezzo Week QotD: Older Children?

I am curious about the older child Ezzo stuff...........GKGW, I guess, or whatever the name is now. I have read the baby/toddler wise books but I don't know anything about how they suggest parenting preschool/elementary aged children.

Good question. . . Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo have written several books/programs for older children, the core of which was orginally called Growing Kids God's Way. I've heard the Ezzos themselves refer to it recently in an interview as such, though the revamped name is now "Let the Children Come Along the Virtuous Way." Still GKGW is an easier acronym to type, so I'll use that to refer to the core curriculum for older children past and current. (Look here for an attempt at compiling a full list of Ezzo titles.)

To be completely honest, I have more concerns about the materials written by the Ezzos for parents of preschoolers and older children than I do about the infant/toddler materials. Often it is easier to discuss Babywise/Prep/Along the Infant Way the problems often manifest quickly in physical ways. Also, it can be easier to discuss with parents who are new to Ezzo parenting the problems with the materials, than it is to bring up the flaws in the older children materials when parents have already been using them for such a long time.

What I've seen to be the heart of the problem with Ezzo's materials? Neglecting the Gospel. In striving to teach children the "moral reason why," what is neglected is coming alongside children when they sin, helping children acknowledge that sin, and pointing to their need for the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Among Rebecca Prewett's many insightful writings related to Ezzo parenting, includes a review of GKGW in which she summarizes:

"The crux of GKGW philosophy is the belief that a child's heart is molded by external factors, and it is molding by the parents that will lead the child to Christ. . . . A secondary concern here is that, in the end, it seems that behavior modification is what is really being taught as the key to success and Christianity."

While that is sufficient reason in my experience for parents to reject the Ezzo's materials for older children, there are some other concerns that need to be mentioned. Each of these points will be linked to an outside resource for those who want more information.

1. Misuse of the Bible

2. Tendency towards Legalism

3. Isolationism / Divisiveness

4. Misinformation on Child Development

And for further reading on GKGW, I recommend:
Whose Way, After All? by Barbara Curtis
GKGW: Myths and Misconceptions by former Contact Mom, pastor's wife
Evaluation of Ezzo Parenting Programs by Dr. Kent McClain
AwareParent.Net Discussion Board
Chewymom's GFI Experiences

Do you have a question for our Ezzo Week Question of the Day? E-mail me! EzzoWeek@gmail.com . Please let me know whether you want to be anon or if you want me to identify you and your blog.

This post is part of the Ezzo Week 2007 series, raising awareness about the concerns with "philosophy" of parenting promoted by Gary Ezzo.

July 21, 2007 | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

Ezzo Week: Prayer

It's Ezzo Week and the GFI National Conference is now well under way. We believe and have experienced how the Lord is both over all and close at hand, and how He uses prayer.

Pray for the conference attendees.

Pray for Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo.

Pray for parents who have been affected by the books.

Pray for the parents sorting out information.

Pray for parents who feel tired out by the demands of parenting a newborn and may be vulnerable to advice that seems right in the short run but leaves them with regrets in the long run.

Pray that parents who do use the material will seek balance.

Pray for reconciliation for the Ezzo family.

This post is part of the Ezzo Week 2007 series, raising awareness about the concerns with "philosophy" of parenting promoted by Gary Ezzo.

July 19, 2007 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

Ezzo Week: From the Archives

Some highlights from previous Ezzo blogging:

What Gary Ezzo Says About. . .

Evaluating Gary Ezzo's Leadership

Breastfeeding and Babywise

Babywise and Failure to Thrive

Loving Families and Reactive Attachment Disorder

This post is part of the Ezzo Week 2007 series, raising awareness about the concerns with "philosophy" of parenting promoted by Gary Ezzo.

July 18, 2007 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

Ezzo Week QotD: Still Popular?

Are the Ezzos still as popular as ever? . . . Do you think all the publicity has hurt his popularity at all?

Is Ezzo parenting still popular? It's hard to gauge, in some ways. Babywise is selling like hotcakes according to Amazon. I'm also seeing a wider approval for BW among those who are being introduced to it outside of a church setting. I'm still seeing lots of young, Christian mothers (especially among the new generation of mamas) being advised to try it. GFI-Australia seems to be continuing to grow. I don't know about the sales/popularity of the religious materials (renamed from GKGW* etc to "Let the Children Come Along the _______ Way.")

On the other hand, as a business GFI has drastically downsized. They once had 30+ employees in California. At some point there was a scandal regarding embezzlement and a family member which Ezzo has said was a misunderstanding. They switched to operating from the Ezzo's home in Cali, and a several years ago they moved to South Carolina. My understanding is they have an office in their home, employ a woman in the midwest who telecommutes, and outsources the shipping and promotion, etc.

I still meet enough young mothers (in real life and online) who find Babywise very alluring, in spite of the medical misinformation, Ezzo's poor reputation, and the many families who at one point used Ezzo's materials and then ditched them.

Many families who have at one time taught/used/supported Ezzo materials now don't--and some actively warn against it. Like the Abels, who were in the early videos and very involved with GFI initially. Many of the Voices of Experience are from "Contact Moms" who were volunteers supporting and promoting the GFI materials.

I've had a couple of people ask why I'm so vocal about this--especially since it seems like Ezzo has been so thoroughly discredited it's hard to imagine anyone following his ideas. But, I still meet moms on a regular basis who have seriously negative results after using Ezzo's materials--like Lori, whose baby was hospitalized and dx'd FTT. Using flexiblity, common sense, and seeking advice from Ezzo moms she trusted. . . And many more mamas who lose their milk supply, or realize they've encouraged excessive crying, or babies who aren't growing as they should, or mamas who are feeling stressed at the schedule not "working" and on and on. . . So whether or not Babywise and other Ezzo parenting materials are popular or not--they are still having an ongoing negative impact in many families.

I want to make clear that I know that parents who follow Ezzo parenting ideas, truly love their children and only want the best for them. Over time I have become more convinced that it is that love and dedication to raising their children that makes Ezzo parenting seem to "work" in some families. Yet, these materials are foundationally flawed and even unfailing love doesn't prevent all the harm that can come to families via Ezzo parenting.

What do you think--is the influence of Babywise and Ezzo parenting still expanding in your community?

* GKGW refers to Growing Kids God's Way which is now known as Along the Virtuous Way. Other parenting materials by Gary Ezzo include Babywise (aka Preparation for Parenting or Along the Infant Way) and others in the -Wise or Let the Children Come series. Confused yet? For more information, see Ezzo.Info.

Do you have a question for our Ezzo Week Question of the Day? E-mail me! EzzoWeek@gmail.com . Please let me know whether you want to be anon or if you want me to identify you and your blog.

This post is part of the Ezzo Week 2007 series, raising awareness about the concerns with "philosophy" of parenting promoted by Gary Ezzo.

July 17, 2007 | Comments (29) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

Ezzo Week QotD: Social Discomfort

How do you handle it when you hear that someone uses and promotes Babywise? I was recently in an uncomfortable situation where someone was praising Babywise to a pregnant first-time mom. I was at a bit of a disadvantage because I was the "new kid on the block" and didn't want to come across as snooty toward someone who is an established leader in the group. On the other hand, I could not let this clueless soon-to-be mama think Babywise was OK. I just said that I had friends who loved it and others who had terrible experiences. Then I shared a bit of your story. What do you do? Or what do you recommend?

It's not easy being in a situation in which Babywise is being praised, when you know the very real problems associated with it.

The communication technique of feel-felt-found has helped me share my concerns while being respectful of other mothers. With this pattern you can acknowledge the very real fears that new mothers have--ones that Ezzo plays upon to persuade parents to use his materials. At the same time, it isn't being disrespectful to other mothers who have used Babywise. It can provide an opportunity to share more either at that moment, or in the future.

Some examples:

"Sounds like you feel nervous about not knowing what to do with a new baby. I felt uncertain, too, before my first was born. I found that when I watched baby's cues and responded with the care he needed, I became more confident."

"You feel worried about how a new baby will change your marriage. I felt like my husband and I had no clue just what it would mean to our relationship to have a baby. But then we found that our love grew and we each gave to each other and to the baby so much. The dynamics changed, but our love didn't." (Babywise and other Ezzo materials very much plays on the fears of how baby will change the husband/wife relationship.)

"You feel fearful baby will never sleep and you'll go crazy. When I heard about babies waking at night, I felt like that meant I'd be sleepless all the time. I found that even when baby still needed to nurse once or twice a night, I got enough rest--if I was careful not to stay up too late blogging!"

"When you hear about Babywise, you feel like it sounds great! A friend of mine felt the same way, but she found that it caused more problems than it was supposed to help."

"You feel like Babywise will be great for your baby. I felt like it was a potential resource, too. But then I found Ezzo.info and the problems associated with Babywise."

It sounds like you handled it well--considering the context, considering your relationship, and sharing what you could.

What other ideas do y'all have for when you're in a socially uncomfortable position because of how Ezzo parenting is being promoted?

Do you have a question for our Ezzo Week Question of the Day? E-mail me! EzzoWeek@gmail.com . Please let me know whether you want to be anon or if you want me to identify you and your blog.

This post is part of the Ezzo Week 2007 series, raising awareness about the concerns with "philosophy" of parenting promoted by Gary Ezzo.

July 16, 2007 | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

TulipGirl's Fourth Annual Ezzo Week!

It's that time of year again for our much-anticipated annual Ezzo Week 2007 blog-a-thon!

As always, Ezzo Week here corresponds with Gary Ezzo's Growing Families International National Leadership and Alumni Conference.* This year the conference will be held at Grace Pointe** in Naperville, Illinois, from July 19th through July 21st, 2007.

In recognition of this annual event, here at TulipGirl we will be featuring posts related to Gary Ezzo (of Babywise infamy) and his parenting teachings.

Feel free to jump in to the conversation here! Blog your own experiences and thoughts about Ezzo parenting. Or, pop on over to the AwareParent discussion board.

Wondering why we'd even bother with Ezzo Week? Start here.

And. . . a new addition to Ezzo Week 2007 is the QotD--each day I'll try to answer a question asked by my adored (if not adoring) readership about Gary Ezzo and his parenting teachings. If you are interested in asking something--anything--to be part of our Question of the Day, feel free to e-mail me at EzzoWeek@gmail.com .

*Quite a mouthful to say, huh? Though I'm careful to type the whole title up after being chastised for using the shorthand of "Ezzo conference" several years ago.
**Grace Pointe has not indicated whether or not they support this conference. In years past the GFI Conference was held at churches which hosted but did not endorse Gary Ezzo.

Down memory lane. . .
Ezzo Week 2004 Announcement
Ezzo Week 2005 Announcement
Ezzo Week 2006 Announcement
Ezzo Week 2007 Announcement

This post is part of the Ezzo Week 2007 series, raising awareness about the concerns with "philosophy" of parenting promoted by Gary Ezzo.

July 16, 2007 | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

Nannies Know: About Ezzo

Nanny Katherine Ross wrote an article summarizing Babywise for the professional newsletter published by the International Nanny Association. While I haven't found the newsletter available online, the author has made her article available in full.

It's interesting to see thoughts of someone whose educational background and daily experience is focused on normal child development, as they evaluate some of the teachings of Gary Ezzo.

Want to read more? Check out the GFI / Ezzo / Babywise archives here at TulipGirl or the classic Ezzo.Info.

May 29, 2007 | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

Still Need That Shoulder

What About Mine?

When you cried as a little baby
Mom and daddy let you cry
Thought that that was the best way maybe
To make you grow all strong inside
Now that you're older
You need someone's shoulder
What about mine?

Growing' up your mind was closed
For repairs for a long long time
You could feel the loneliness in your hairstyle
Just like mine
Now that you've grown up
You still need that shoulder
What the hell are you waiting' for?
It's mine

I promise not to chase you
Only to embrace you
I promise not to bug you
Only just to hug you all night

When you was a little baby
Mom and dad they let you cry
They thought that's the best way maybe
To make you all strong inside
(Were they) wrong? (Yes)
Mine……What about mine?

--Paul Westerberg

Hear it Barlowised.

May 18, 2007 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

Gary Ezzo: Philosopher?

Over at AwareParent.Net, is an interesting post about Gary Ezzo's philosophy and theology. Click here to read the full post, and feel free to comment (registration there is quick and painless.)

My wife and I have just recently completed Gary Ezzo's Growing Kids God's Way course. We learned of it through a couple in our church, for whom the couse manual is like a second Bible and Ezzo the Vicar of Christ on earth (forget the pope!). Of course, I'm exaggerating; but my satirical comments capture something of the tone of the course. My wife talked me into signing up, though I had reservations about the course because of its immodest title. My fears were quickly confirmed after I read Ezzo's introduction and sat through a couple of weeks of videos. I'll make my general concern about the course as explicit as I can in what follows:

I am deeply troubled by the brand of virtue ethics espoused by Ezzo. I am pursuing a career as a philosopher of religion, so I know something about this stuff. Growing Kids God's Way appears to be heavily influenced by Aristotle's thought on the essence of the human being (the "rational animal") and the ethical direction of human nature. In itself, this is not a bad thing - Christian theology and philosophy has, indeed, been influenced by Greek thought over numerous centuries. What troubles me is not the use of Greek categories per se, but the direction in which Ezzo's theology takes virtue ethics - a direction that I think is dismally unbiblical.

. . .

I want to be clear about one thing first: I am not accusing Gary Ezzo of uncritically adopting Greek virtue ethics. One thing that I find on both sides of the unfortunately polemically named "Ezzo debate" is a lot of lack of attention to careful details in the other side's position. What I am claiming here is that Ezzo's theological "system", if we can call it that, leans dangerously close to an unbiblical or extrabiblical account of human nature. The practical consequences of this theoretical fact, I think, are that Ezzo relies too much on the power of self-discipline and structure in the formation of human character to the exclusion of grace. I would even go so far as to say that his theological system is a sort of natural or rational theology window dressed with some hand-picked passages of Scripture that best fit the fundamental philosophical needs of the program.

Read the rest here.

I'm still reading, digesting, considering the points raised here. Your thoughts?

April 26, 2007 | Comments (12) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

Fifty Years for Florida Physician

(Like the alliteration of that title?)

"Knowing your patients is one of the benefits of a practice in a small town," (Dr. Arnold) Tanis said. . . The doctor, whose patients affectionately call him Dr. Bud, has 40 families that he has been seeing for three generations. "I'll see a kid who's causing terrible distress and I'll look at the father and say `You did the same thing, you know.'"

As chairman of the Health & Accident Prevention Committee of the Florida Pediatrics Society, Tanis was part of the movement to get the state's first child restraint law passed in 1979. . .

The pediatrician is also a staunch advocate of breastfeeding. "It is the healthiest, both for the mother and the baby," he said.

Besides promoting safety and breastfeeding Dr. Tanis was among the pediatricians who early on questioned the soundness of the medical advice given in Gary Ezzo's "Babywise." This led to an AAP review and warning issued about scheduled feeding, such as what is promoted by Gary Ezzo.

See:
Resolution 53SC: Evaluating Infant Management Programs
Resolution 22T: Investigating the Ezzo Program and FTT Infants Associated With It
Dr. Tanis's notes to The Florida Pediatrician

Read the full tribute to pediatrician Dr. Arnold Tanis .

January 18, 2007 | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

Ezzo.Info Updated

The long-established, carefully documented website about the parenting teachings of author Gary Ezzo has been updated and reorganized.

I've been browsing through the site this evening and really like how easy it is to find key information.

Check out these sections:
FAQS
For Pastors
Quick Start Page
Concerns About Divisiveness
Voices of Experience (Updated!)

If you are a parent who is using Babywise or other materials by Gary Ezzo and wonders "what's all the fuss about," I encourage you to take some time and surf around Ezzo.Info.

Consider the stories of other parents, like you, who liked and used Ezzo's materials and then discarded them. Take note of the documentation and references. And remember that more than any "parenting philosophy" out there, children grow up well when surrounded by parents' love and God's grace.

November 18, 2006 | Comments (13) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

Monty Python Meets Gary Ezzo

Q: What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
A: UNBRIDLED MATERNAL DRIVE!

(Jump into the conversation.)

September 21, 2006 | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

Ezzo Week Follow-Up

I want to express my gratitude to all of those who participated in Ezzo Week 2006, through blog postings, online awareness-raising, and real-life conversations.

I couldn't keep up with all of the blog and forum postings during Ezzo Week. However, here are some more links from those who joined in:

Mary promotes Ezzo Week at BlogHer--thanks for highlighting concerns about Ezzo parenting and helping to spread the word!

I Want My Candy Back groups Ezzo with Newt Gingrich and Bill O'Reilly--and not in a favorable way!

Curious Goldie ponders trying Babywise on her puppy. . .

Indelible Grace clarifies some thoughts on Gary Ezzo. Her first two posts are here and here.

The Baby Blawg joins in Ezzo Week, too.

Seven Realms gives Ezzo Week a nod as well.

Ezzo makes the DollyMama's "Three Things" list.

Jenn highlights some interesting things in her Ezzo Week post.

Jade boggles at what she sees in Babywise families, even as she prepares for her little one arriving soon. (Congrats!)

Some people have asked me why I still draw attention to the concerns about Ezzo parenting--after all, no one still actually follows Babywise, right? Sadly, that's not the case, and several new parents are implementing Ezzo ideas wtih their little ones:

Ethan's mommy talks about Babywise in the first week. As does Eliana's parents in their post Sleepless Nights 101. And Bree is reading Babywise with her newborn. Eli's parents give a four week report and praise to Gary Ezzo. And the Tidwell's little one still isn't born, but they're wondering if Babywise becomes second nature.

July 31, 2006 | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

Ezzo Week 2006 -- Ending With a Bang!

Guess what? I've been named over on the EzzoTruth site!

I guess that means I've made the big time. (Thanks, Hank, for letting me know!)

While I haven't quite earned the distinction of being spotlighted like Dr. James Dobson, Pastor John MacArthur, Hank Hanegraaff and Kathleen Terner, Frank York, Rebecca Prewett. .. still. . . singled out by name by Tom Reed and Gary Ezzo? I feel honored. *grin*

What earned me this distinction? I stumbled across a messageboard for alumni of a certain school, and saw someone on staff from Grace Community Church affirm that GCC's original concerns regarding Gary Ezzo are ongoing and unresolved, and posted about them here at TulipGirl.

I considered it signficant that GCC's concerns are current. Some have said that the problems with Gary Ezzo and his teachings have been addressed through revisions in his books and Ezzo "starting over" at a new church. Others have said that these character issues are of no current importance, as Grace Community Church's original statement was in 1997 and the latest public statement was in 2002. (The church discipline and excommunication statements from Living Hope Evangelical Fellowship, Ezzo's church following GCC, were published in 2000.) Ezzo's character concerns are ancient history, some have implied.

When I saw someone from Grace Community Church affirm the church still considered the matter with Gary Ezzo unresolved and a significant concern, I believed that was noteworthy.

I did not contact the author of the post before making it public. After all, what is posted publicly online is considered to be in the public realm. To clarify the context, the author of the post was writing on an alumni discussion board, informally with people he knew, and did not realize his words would be distributed in the way they were. Hence, he used the imprecise phrase "disciplined out of our church."

To state it precisely, Gary Ezzo was not "discipline out of" Grace Community Church.

However, the elders did meet Gary Ezzo and called him to accountability especially in regard to the content of his teaching. Gary Ezzo assured the GCC elders that he "was making himself accountable to a group of men he trusted--the pastor and elders of Living Hope Evangelical Fellowship (LHEF)." LHEF elders--those whom Gary Ezzo stated he trusted and was being accountable to--eventually proceeded to excommunicate him.

Grace Community Church did not excommunicate Gary Ezzo. However, the elders of GCC have stated "his departure from Grace Church left a disturbing number of conflicts unresolved and concerns unaddressed."

Those are the actions taken. Consider them for what they are. Actions taken by a church and board of elders, in concern for a member and leader in the church. Church discipline?

Then reflect on the vigorous protests from Tom Reed of EzzoTruth about the wording "discipline out of" --claiming it to be "false, possibly to the point of absurd. . . erroneous and slanderous. . . the sin of lying about the Ezzos, spreading gossip, cheating them out a chance to defend themselves, and stealing their reputation. . ."

That is a pattern that has been commented on repeatedly by others--Gary Ezzo's (and now Tom Reed's) propensity to focus on a matter such as wording and to ignore the substance of an issue, like church discipline.

I did hesitate to remove the original statement from my blog—and honestly, it would have been wise to write what I’m writing now when I did remove it. I hesitated in removing it because of the very scenario which we are seeing played out right now: a vicious attack on the original poster in avoidance of the real issues.

Tom Reed states, “It was also posted to the anti-ezzo forum, TulipGirl on June 1st, 2005. She has since removed the post from her site after ezzotruth communicated with her about the documented evidence that [the original poster] lied, knew he lied, but did nothing to remedy the situation.”

In the interest of factual accuracy, Tom,

1. TulipGirl.com is my personal website and blog. This is not an “anti-ezzo forum,” though issues related to Gary Ezzo, GFI, and Babywise are discussed here and “Ezzo Week” has become an annual event.

2. Tom Reed's “documented evidence” and veiled threats of legal action did not prompt the amendment on my blog.

3. I edited the post out of consideration for the orignal commentor. His words were intended for a small circle of friends, and reflected that Grace Community Church remains concerned about unresolved issues with Gary Ezzo--albeit through a regretable phrasing of words.

4. The fact that there have been disciplinary actions in regards to Gary Ezzo is indisputable.

Simply speaking, regardless of how it is worded or who states it, the truth remains that Gary Ezzo has a pattern of eschewing accountability and church discipline, and has unresolved issues related to both Grace Community Church and Living Hope Evangelical Fellowship.

This post is part of the Ezzo Week 2006 series, raising awareness about the concerns with "philosophy" of parenting promoted by Gary Ezzo.

July 19, 2006 | Comments (17) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

A Good Question

I wonder if there are any testimonies from kids who are now grown, that have been raised this way? Good, bad, indifferent?? I'd like to read those if you have a link handy?

Carla brought this up in the comments of an earlier thread.

It is a good question and I invite anyone who has grown up with their parents using the Ezzo parenting ideas to feel free to share their experiences. While parents have shared their experiences with the Ezzo teachings, I am not aware of any individual sharing from a child's point-of-view.

I would expect a good portion of what is shared by adult children to be positive, after all we've already established that the great majority of parents who are drawn to Ezzo's teachings are so because of a love for their children and a commitment to active parenting. Yet, I would also speculate that adult children would reflect back on simliar struggles that Ezzo parents have shared--struggles with rule keeping being emphasized, relying on the Ezzo way to do things instead of the Holy Spirit, and finding security in our own behaviour.

It's not clear to what extent Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo implemented the ideas they now teach in their own home as their two daughters were growing up. However, as grown women with their own families, "one of the Ezzos' daughters and her husband cut off contact with her parents after much prayer, consideration and counsel, based on their personal observation of the same types of issues raised by the LHEF elders. Their hope is that the relationships will be restored following the Ezzos' repentence," and "Ezzo's children have chosen to limit their interaction with him." (See the Timeline of the Ezzo Controversy.)

So again, I invite anyone who has experienced Ezzo parenting--either as a parent or as a child--to share your story with us here.

This post is part of the Ezzo Week 2006 series, raising awareness about the concerns with "philosophy" of parenting promoted by Gary Ezzo.

July 16, 2006 | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

Today's Ezzo Blogging

If you are new to the idea of Ezzo parenting or have only heard about Babywise but don't understand the controversy, katiekind has posted a great background piece that summarizes the teachings and concerns.

Pastor Bixby writes more about Ezzo parenting in his post Clarifications--and he alludes to more posts on the topic to come.

Bec at BawlingBabies seems to specialize in writing about infant crying, and mentions Gary Ezzo in her summary of authors who promote controlled crying.

Brian asks What's an Ezzo? Of course he knows. . . as he has added his insight to Ezzo discussions in the past.

Zatera Ul joins us in promoting Ezzo Week 2006. Thanks!

Am keeps promising a Babywise review. I hope it gets posted during Ezzo Week! (And if you haven't yet read a review of Babywise, I recommend this one.)

Reon praises the fathers who know enough and care enough to get involved in parenting.

Also this week, a couple of people have posted "it's worked for me" tidbits about Babywise--here and here.

Update: Found the first blog post written about the GFI conference from an attendee! Thanks, Allen!

Did I overlook your Ezzo Week 2006 blog post or web page? Feel free to link to it here--and thanks for joining in!

This post is part of the Ezzo Week 2006 series, raising awareness about the concerns with "philosophy" of parenting promoted by Gary Ezzo.

July 15, 2006 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

Blame the Parents

Ezzo Week 2006 is not about blaming parents.

I want to make clear that I know that parents who follow Ezzo parenting ideas truly love their children and only want the best for them. Over time I have become more convinced that it is that love and dedication to raising their children that makes Ezzo parenting seem to "work" in some families. Yet, these materials are foundationally flawed and even unfailing love cannot prevent all the harm that can come to families via Ezzo parenting.

I disagree with some who say that people who have turned to Ezzo’s ideas for parenting do so out of either perfectionism, coming from a weak family background, or Christians who have not been grounded in Scripture. Each of these factors may be involved in why a parent is initially drawn to Ezzo parenting, and I say that because that is what some parents themselves have said. However, I do not believe that it is necessary for someone to have one of those factors for him to be vulnerable to Ezzo parenting. I do not blame parents.

Let’s leave the blame game to Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo. One of the things that saddends me most about the Ezzo materials is how proponents of the program are quick to blame the mother when the promised results of the program are not seen—especially when it comes to Babywise/Along the Infant Way. If it "works"--then it is to the praise of the Ezzo books! If it doesn't, either the parents were not being consistent with the principles or they were being "too flexible."

For those who are reading who have used ideas from Gary Ezzo’s teachings, I want to reiterate that I am not criticizing you. I have criticized the materials as they are written and taught by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo. However, I know that when someone criticizes ideas we like—especially in the realm of family and parenting—it can very easily feels like someone is criticizing *us* personally.

It's very hard to leave behind Ezzo parenting. Many of the Voices of Experience stories are from parents who were teachers and leaders with GFI for many, many years. And it is hard to admit to oneself that, "Oh, I love my kids--but maybe I made some wrong choices for them--while trying to do the best for them."

Obviously, I'm outspokenly critical of Gary Ezzo and his parenting ideas. I want it to be plain that's what I am--critical of a set of ideas or "philosophy" as Ezzo calls it—not critical of parents who love their children and are seeking to raise them with truth and love.

This post is part of the Ezzo Week 2006 series, raising awareness about the concerns with "philosophy" of parenting promoted by Gary Ezzo.

July 14, 2006 | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

Ezzo 'Round the Blogosphere

Kim at Upward Call has a thoughtful, balanced post on Ezzo parenting. She speaks first-hand, having used the Ezzo ideas with her children, and then distancing from them when she saw the negative impact it had on their family. "It creates a situation where "performance" is so focused on that one cannot really be sure that the child is obeying because they want to or because they're just good at providing the correct response." The comments are worth reading as well.

Phil Johnson gives a nod to Ezzo Week in the sidebar of the PyroGuys blog. I'm blushing. He goes further into the ongoing patterns of avoiding accountability in the comments at Kim's.

Camille, aka Dr. Lewis, highlights Ezzo Week for her readers and students.

SchoolOfMom questions what qualities one would look for in a parenting teacher. Personally, I find that I listen to my own mother more and more as the years go by.

Gid gets the the heart of grace in parenting when he writes, "Am I parenting my children the way that God parents me? Though, the problem with my last question is that a lot of Christians are so busy punishing, chastising, disciplining, and belittling themselves that they don't have a clue how God parents them. . ."

Did I overlook your Ezzo Week 2006 blog post or web page? Feel free to link to it here--and thanks for joining in!

This post is part of the Ezzo Week 2006 series, raising awareness about the concerns with "philosophy" of parenting promoted by Gary Ezzo.

July 13, 2006 | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

A Pastor's Commentary on Ezzo Parenting

I just read a very insightful commentary on Ezzo parenting by Pastor Bob Bixby of Morning Star Baptist Church in Rockford, Illinois.

Pastor Bixby's chief concern is the impact of Ezzo parenting and thinking on the parents. I believe this is important and often overlooked.

Very many parents have found that in spite of love, good intentions and "common sense," Ezzo parenting was harmful for their families.

Update: More from Pastor Bixby--Clarifications. (And it looks like he'll be writing more on Ezzo parenting in the coming days.)

This post is part of the Ezzo Week 2006 series, raising awareness about the concerns with "philosophy" of parenting promoted by Gary Ezzo.

July 13, 2006 | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink

Love Them Fiercely

Chew on This

Loving in the Face of Unloveliness

Ezzo Week Else-Web

Ezzo Week QotD: Speaking Up In Church

Ezzo Week QotD: Older Children?

Ezzo Week: Prayer

Ezzo Week: From the Archives

Ezzo Week QotD: Still Popular?

Ezzo Week QotD: Social Discomfort

TulipGirl's Fourth Annual Ezzo Week!

Nannies Know: About Ezzo

Still Need That Shoulder

Gary Ezzo: Philosopher?

Fifty Years for Florida Physician

Ezzo.Info Updated

Monty Python Meets Gary Ezzo

Ezzo Week Follow-Up

Ezzo Week 2006 -- Ending With a Bang!

More Ezzo Blogging Links. . .

A Good Question

Today's Ezzo Blogging

Blame the Parents

Ezzo 'Round the Blogosphere

A Pastor's Commentary on Ezzo Parenting