Love Them Fiercely
More for the mommy-inspiration files, from Kim at Upward Call. I asked her if I could share this here, because it wasn't originally posted on her blog or written with mothers in mind. Instead, these were ideas she was mulling and had in mind for a younger group of Believers, those who are not yet parents. Still these were the words I needed to read and again turned my heart towards Christ and my children.
As a parent, I have learned a lot. As a parent, I have re-visited how I was parented and how I behaved as a child. Of course, sin mars all we do, and there were mistakes I made as a child that I wish I could erase. While Christ has forgiven me for them, they remain in my memory.
It is the same thing with being a parent. I am sure that someday, I will have even more regrets than I do already for things done and not done.
One thing I can say, however, in encouragement to you who have yet to be parents is this: encourage your children.
There is nothing more devestating than being a child who never gets any encouragement for what he does. Some parents will tell all their friends how wonderful their children are, but will never tell the child to her face. Some parents are full of criticism, condemnation, and rules that have no rational explanation, and the kid never know which way is up. I know that I have not always been encouraging as a parent. I need to daily, verbally, emotionally, and even with a hug, encourage my kids.
Kids who grow up with no encouragement may become people who don't encourage. Kids who grow up with unmerciful, legalistic rules may become unmerciful, legalistic people. I have been married long enough to know how difficult it is to shed the baggage from my childhood. Sometimes, without meaning to, we simply mimick parenting we received. Now, if it's good parenting, that's one thing, but all too often we repeat the mistakes of our parents. We need to pray to God for deliverance from ungodly parenting ways.
So, young people, when you become parents -- and that is not all that far in the future, you know; just think how fast the past ten years have gone and you will realize how fast the next ten are going to go -- ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILDREN. Tell them when they've done well. Discipline them IN LOVE AND WITH MERCY when they make mistakes. And love them fiercely.
May 04, 2008 | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
Parenting Freedom
Each of you are just the right mother for your children. God gave your children to you--not as a possession, but to nurture and raise to His glory. I am not the one God chose to mother your child--not me, not anyone else. Your love and God's grace are what your child needs--regardless of what parenting books, websites, and ideas you come across along the way. You will have challenges, struggles, heartaches, as well as love, joys and successes!
Through it all, we learn to lean into the Lord. . . to trust Him. . . to turn to Him in prayer and humility and rest. . .
And we are free! Free from philosophies, free from rules. . . free to turn to the Lord and grow into the mothers He has called us to be!
I have found it freeing to learn and study and seek wisdom--both the direct revelation in the Bible as well as revelation in God's creation. One resource as we seek the Lord in our ministry of mothering is the website Parenting Freedom. This site is newly online, but the mother behind it has long been sharing mothering encouragement with me and others. I appreciate her willingness to learn, grow, seek the Lord and find freedom in parenting.
I encourage you to visit the website, be encouraged by the Scripture, be challenged by the research, and know you have freedom to seek the Lord as you nurture the children He has given you.
"If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples,
and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. . .
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."
April 23, 2008 | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
Remembering Sean Paddock
Two years ago today Sean Paddock died.
A 4-year-old adopted child, Sean Paddock, was the victim of what we so often see within the Christian subculture--parents who want to do everything right, who seek to control their children, who listen to questionable advice. The result was a child who suffocated from being wrapped tightly in blankets to keep him in bed, so tightly that he couldn't fill his lungs to breathe. His body was covered with "layers of thin, long bruises -- old and new -- stretch[ing] from Sean's bottom to his shoulder blade."
Sean's adopted mother relied upon two-foot lengths of plumbing supply line and parenting books by Michael and Debi Pearl to keep her children in line.
God have mercy.
Related here at TulipGirl:
More Sadness on Sean Paddock
On the Pearls and Parenting
Pearls Po-Russki
February 26, 2008 | Comments (16) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
Beautiful Baby Wearing
January 19, 2008 | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
Chew on This
ChewyMom on Instant-Gratification Parenting.
January 16, 2008 | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
Loving in the Face of Unloveliness
A reminder to lean into the Lord, especially when we and our children are both struggling.
For the Mommy-Inspiration Files.
December 11, 2007 | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
Taking For Granted
jude is blue much of the day lately and has started waking at night and yelling for reasons unknown. his misery is hard to manage, annoying, laughable at times. it makes me wonder how God can stand all of our whining and moaning all of the time, thousands (not just one, two, three) of his children screaming, muttering their unintelligable requests, demands, accusations, offering a begrudging thanks because they feel like they have to, taking mercy and grace for granted day in and day out. it also makes me glad that God parents me better than i parent these kids in this house. thank you, God, for seeing only Jesus when you look at me, at jude, at us.
December 03, 2007 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
That Pregnant Glow
In the past few weeks, several close friends or family members have announced that they will be having little bundles of joy make springtime appearances, including:
Laura
Shelley
Amanda
Aliza
Heather
I'm thrilled. Sharing the excitement, the joy, the preparations. . . thanking the Lord along with them for their children.
October 19, 2007 | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
Looking to Christ, Listening to My Mother
"And lastly, and I say this gently, as the parent of grown kids, knowing *insert parenting guru* is also the parent of grown kids: we have wonderful children--he does, I'm sure--and so do I. But without even knowing his children I can know this about them: they are not perfect. They hurt. They make mistakes. They struggle. They are prideful and overly simplistic at times; and crippled by shame and hesitancy at others. Yes--they are beautiful examples of human beings, his children (I assume), and mine (I know.) But they are not perfect. If they were, they would not be human. If it were possible to raise children to perfection, then God would have sent a parenting method, not Jesus. Our marching orders are not to raise our children by a method to be like *insert parenting guru* children. Our marching orders are to be Christians to and with our children."
--katiekind
I first posted this quote two years ago. This bit of inspiration is from a mother with three sons, who has given me a glimpse of the future with adult sons. Similarly, this week I read a transparent account of parenting mishaps and milestones from a mother with grown children and grandchildren.
Still, it is my own mother that continues to say the good things, the hard things, that I need to hear in my own life, for my own family. She gives me hope--in that the areas in which I struggle, she has already struggled through to the other side. In her life and mine, we have lived out the above truism, "[T]hey are not perfect. They hurt. They make mistakes. They struggle. They are prideful and overly simplistic at times; and crippled by shame and hesitancy at others. . . Our marching orders are to be Christians to and with our children."
October 04, 2007 | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
Grace and Two Year Olds
"I've read Kimmel. But how do you do that with a two-year-old?"A friend of mine asked me the question. . . She read Kimmel's Grace-Based Parenting
. Appreciated what he had to say! But then she wonders, "How does that look in the day-to-day life of parenting a toddler?"
So . . . how do you answer that question?
Your thoughts?
September 28, 2007 | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
Yeah. What She Said.
Quoting Devona, about Lutherama:
Discipline? Means of Grace?
I try not to meddle in the parenting of others. It’s their business, but I obviously have my opinions. I mostly have oppositions to the “Christian Parenting” giants who like to write books making generalizations about how to parent my child unto godliness, all the while knowing nothing about me. I don’t just disagree with their methods, I disagree with their theology and their lack of discretion. How do they know to whom they are teaching? How do they know their methods are being properly prescribed? And mostly, how can they not see that this method of “discipline” obscures the person and work of Christ when a parent cannot forgive their chid until there has been punishment for their sins? Are not our Christian children under the Fount of Grace as much as we are?Here is a wonderful take on the topic over at Lutherama. Don’t just read my post on it. I have only skimmed the subject since she has done such excellent work, I would only be repeating, so make sure you click the link.
(Yes, I'm still Presbyterian.)
September 20, 2007 | Comments (13) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
Cute Little C in Her Mei Tai
August 30, 2007 | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
Learning to Use a Mei Tai / Asian Baby Carrier Wrap
When my cousin was expecting her first baby, I told her I wanted to get her a sling or baby carrier. Since this was her first, she wasn't sure about which one to choose. Several friends recommended a Mei Tai-style carrier--especially since I was slow to get her this gift and her infant is now an energetic and mobile 9 month old!
So, I'm gathering links to illustrate how to use a Mei Tai / ABC carrier. Any recommendations?
Websites:
Mama Toto ABCs
Mama Toto Carrying a Toddler
The Baby Wearer Pouch Links
The Baby Wearer Benefits Links
The Baby Wearer ABC Links
Kozy Carrier Instructions
Wrap Your Baby
Nurtured Little One
Videos:
ABC Front Carry
ABC Back Carry
Pouch Carry
With an Bigger Child
(Link thanks to Devona, Kristen, Kurt, Renata, Suzi and Rachel!)
August 29, 2007 | Comments (12) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
Whispers
...Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out. Col. 4:5 (MSG)
Lord, my mouth....I remember when these kids were toddlers and we would laugh when they mimicked our tone of voice or an oft-said phrase. They are mimicking still. A dozen times a day I hear my impatience, irritation, and lack of kindness coming out of my children's mouths.
Lord, make me gracious in the face of adolescent sensitivity. Gracious at the end of a long, hard day. Let grace be the substance that pours out of me when I am bumped and bruised, tired and worn.
Teach me how to listen to them, to hear what is not being said; to understand their hearts behind the words and frustration.
I pray that every time I open my mouth I'll be able to make Christ as plain as day to them.
Teach my Your ways, Father. I am listening.
--sparrow
I'm really struggling with my words and my tone, especially with my children. All of them, especially my oldest seem so vulnerable. I want to draw them close, but my tone is pushing them away. A mom I recently met said:
i love being a mother, but i'm not very good at it. . . . i used to take great pride in my "accomplishments" as a stay-at-home wife and mother . . . as my kids grew older, i realised that these things don't make me a good mother; i can practice all these ideals and still be ill-tempered and impatient and mean. . . . i grew tired of perpetuating the rounds of "self-congratulations". . . . i also realise that i was not truthful about myself . . . but, thank God, i've caught a glimpse of Grace. . . .i am moved by it, i am motivated by it. wait: Grace moves me, it motivates me. i'm still not a good mom, but God is still good to me and my children.
So here I am, struggling to show love to the ones I love most. Brokenhearted at the words of my mouth and the mediations of my heart. Tired, weary. Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
July 10, 2007 | Comments (11) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
One Anothering
For the Mommy-Inspiration Files. . .
May 03, 2007 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
Baby Wearers! Win An Ergo!
I have a friend who is pregnant and I reallyreallyreally want to give her a carrier for babywearing. Some friends have compiled a list of resources for helping her learn more about babywearing and choosing what type of carrier she'd like.
And then Kristen alerted me to an opportunity to win an Ergo! While I've never used an Ergo, I have friends who love theirs. . . So, if I win, I have a new mama to give this front/back carrier.
April 13, 2007 | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
On Adoption
Congratulations to Jodi and family, on their child-to-be!
Also, Rebecca has some interesting thoughts to share on adoption, and ChewyMom points out the Gospel in unexpected places.
March 23, 2007 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
Discipline Conversation
I've transferred the comments from this post into its own post, in the spirit of encouraging the discussion on Reformed theology and positive, gentle discipline of children in the Christian home.
I'm planning on weighing in later, however we have a wedding this weekend and so my comments will be delayed. Briefly, though, I've found graceful, positive discipline to reflect the Gospel and God's grace towards me and my children.
Until I can join this conversation more fully, I recommend reading these previous, related posts:
Islam and the Rod
Charles Hodge and Parenting
Parenting and the Westminster Divines
To The Least of These
Prayer and Parenting
Adoption and Condemnation
Restoring Gently and Carrying Burdens
Continue reading "Discipline Conversation"
March 16, 2007 | Comments (41) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
Babywearing Memories
I came across this picture tonight, and it brought back so many memories. That black T-shirt and my pouch were my "uniform" that summer. Everyday, I wore those. The pouch hung like a sash when the baby wasn't in it. I popped him in and out of it throughout the day. We were living in a "missionary village" in Florida--and everyone kept asking if we were headed to Africa because of the sling!
I gave that pouch away to one of the most alterna-minded Ukrainian mamas I know. (And I sort of regret it. . .) I'd probably have used it for a couple more years for extra snuggle times with the boys.
Now mamas have a lot more resources for babywearing:
Mothering By Grace
The Baby Wearer
Nine in, Nine Out
Wear Your Baby
DIY Slings
March 08, 2007 | Comments (15) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
Welcome, Baby Boy!
Please join me in praising our Lord for another baby boy for my friends Tara and Jorge. We've known each other since our oldest boys were babies together. I've cried tears of joy for her tonight, hearing of the birth of her third son, into his father's hands.
Birth art by Nancy Bright
February 06, 2007 | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
Finger Puppet Nativity
Ooooh! I love this hand made, fair trade nativity set! It's finger puppets for children to act out the Christmas story, made by Peruvian women through a fair trade program.
Update: The one pictured is out of stock, but there is a smaller finger puppet nativity set here.
December 10, 2006 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
A Father's Heart
A father I know and respect shares some personal thoughts. . . and they are just too moving to stay hidden away on a small message board.
"Man-oh-man, is this painful reading this stuff over at that link. [referring to http://www.askdrsears.com/] Lots and lots of great advice, some of the stories and warnings are bringing back so many terrible memories of my childhood, and of my own parenting for far too long.
"My father loved me, and he provided a strict upbringing, with very strict rules and lots of encouragement to excel. But he also could not control his temper, and of the four children, I was the most trouble, behavior-wise. I was precocious, hyperactive, and VERY loud. My father's response was to beat me. Not constantly... not even regularly... but often enough. And he left bruises.
"His regular spankings were horrendously painful, and occasionally he lost control and beat me with his fists. I was the only one he treated like this. Thank God, he never lifted his hand against my mother. Amazingly, my father and I got along very well when I became an adult. I never talked to him about what he had done, and he never brought it up, either.
"I remember vividly the last beating I endured. I was fifteen years old and already much larger than my father. But I respected him too much to do anything to defend myself. I do not harbor a grudge about it, either -- but I do remember the pain and the fear.
"All that is water under the bridge -- but -- and here I must pause, because the tears are running now -- I continued the abuse with my first son. He was born in 1984, and he was a lot like I was as a child -- precocious, hyperactive, and loud -- and he was also extremely stubborn and defiant. As hard as I was to discipline, I had never been defiant.
"My behavior toward my son exacerbated all these traits. I tried to provide sound discipline, but I would often lose my temper and shout at him abusively. And occasionally, I slapped him upside the head. I did not beat him as my father had beaten me, and I never slapped his face, but I did spank him WAY too hard, WAY too often, and I did smack him in fierce anger occasionally.
"I tried and tried to control it, but it continued for fourteen years. Then I started reading Dr. Sears. And the more I read, the more I saw what I had been doing wrong, and what I could do to make it right. I wept for weeks over what I saw. Then I tried to talk to my fourteen-year-old son, and to ask his forgiveness. He was by then extremely angry and resentful. I really thought our relationship was entirely broken. My wife told me he once asked her, "How can you tell me to respect someone I hate?" I also remember how he would glare at me in defiance, no matter how hard or how much I "spanked" him.
"When I tried to talk to him to ask his forgiveness, all I could do was weep. He forgave me readily, but he probably didn't quite believe me. But I believe he has seen a big change. He is now 22, a senior in college -- ambitious and with a strong moral code. He and I are now quite close, although I believe it will never be as it could have been.
"As I said, this is causing more bitter tears as I relate it. But I hope there is one person reading this who may be helped. I did change -- with God's help and with Dr. Sears's advice. Thank God, I only spanked my sweet daughter twice in her life, and she seems to harbor no resentment at me for being too strict.
"I have a late last child -- eleven years younger than my daughter. He is now eight years old. I am "Mr. Mom" now, because of my disability, and that means I am his "homeschool" teacher. And we are having the time of our lives. My wife was the main teacher for our first two, while they were young; I took over when they were teens. But now I get to teach my little guy from the beginning!
"I confess I have spanked him maybe three times in eight years -- and every time I have regretted it. I am strict with him, but I am no longer abusive. I guess it helps that, while he is also precocious and hyperactive, he is much more compliant than his older brother. He and I are so close it's amazing -- and it shows me what it could have been like with my first son, if I had been different.
"Well -- sorry to unload on y'all like this, but when I started reading all that stuff from Dr. Sears this evening, it all came rushing back, and it really surprised me how strong the emotional reaction was. I love Dr. Sears and I will forever be grateful for his help in overcoming my abusive tendencies.
"I highly recommend his suggestions to you all. They will help you be a better parent.
I'm in tears.
(Originally posted at AwareParent.Net)
October 10, 2006 | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
Charles Hodge and Parenting
This was originally posted in January 2004, my first month blogging. I was revisiting it today because of an online discussion about sin and family norms, children, and the place of the Gospel in our families. So, I'm reposting it today.
The other night I was skimming Charles Hodge's commentary on Romans and was just struck by how God relates to us as His children, and how I can follow that example with my children.
This is from the Crossway Books Classic Commentaries, page 189, commenting on Romans 6: 12-23:
"As no man is free from sin, as no man can perfectly keep the commandments of God, every man who rests on his personal conformity to the law as the basis of his acceptance with God must be condemned. We are not under the law in this sense, but under grace--that is, a system of free justification. We are justified by grace, without works.
We are not under a legal dispensation, requiring personal conformity to the law and entire freedom from sin, past and present, as the condition of our acceptance; but we are under a gracious dispensation, according to which God dispenses pardon freely and accepts the sinner as a sinner, for Christs's sake, without works or merit of his own. Whoever is under the law, in the sense just explained, is not only condemned, but he is bound by a legal or slavish spirit. What he does, he does as a slave, to escape punishment. But he who is under grace, who is freely accepted by God and restored to his favor, is a child of God living under his Spirit. The principle of obeying him is love and not fear.
Here, as everywhere else in the Bible, it is assumed that the favor of God is in our life. We must be reconciled to Him before we can be holy: we must feel that He loves us before we can love Him."
Reflections related to Parenting
"God. . .accepts the sinner as a sinner"
I know this to be true with God accepting me, and now I want to really just ACCEPT my children as who they are. I want to provide a "safe place to fall" for my kids, where they know they are accepted as they are, even when they sin. I know my parents have lived that out towards my siblings and me.
"What he does, he does as a slave, to escape punishment."
I don't want my children to be doing things out of fear, simply to escape punishment.
"But he who is under grace, who is freeely accepted by God and restored to his favor, is a child of God living under his Spirit."
This is the part of the passage that first drew my attention to asking how I can relate this to me and my children, copying God as my Father.
"The principle of obeying him is love and not fear."
Again, I don't want it to be fear of me or fear of punishment that compels my children to obedience. But of love. Just as, truly, my obedience (imperfect though it may be) to God is out of a desire to please Him and out of love.
"we must feel that He loves us before we can love Him."
I read a survey once that said something like 90% of kids knew their parents loved them, but only 30% FELT that their parents loved them. I want to really nurture my children, and have them FEEL loved by me and my husband.
August 16, 2006 | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
When Mommy Yells
Last night I yelled at the boys.
C5 was quiet for a few minutes, and then in tears told me "Mommy, it hurt my head and my heart when you yelled at me."
Lord, help me. . . Give me soft answers, gentleness, kindness and self-control. . .
July 26, 2006 | Comments (10) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
From Salon.Com: More on Michael and Debi Pearl
Lynn Harris, writing for Salon.com, seeks to understand and explain the parenting teachings and allure of Michael and Debi Pearl.
One of the things that has been interesting to me with the rising concern about the Pearls from the "mainstream" is to see how an "outsider" perceives the teachings that are quite standard within a specific Christian subculture. In referring to this subculture, I'm not speaking of the more broad conservative, evangelical subculture--but that which tends towards a more separatist, independent, "home" oriented.
While I've not fully identified with this specific subculture, I've been close enough to it to understand and see the motivations of those within it. Likely, many of you who visit me here at TulipGirl have been a part of that subculture or are close enough to those within it to understand it, as well. And while they have done admirable background work, it's apparent that Lynn Harris and Mandy Locke don't seem to quite understand many of the factors involved with accepting the sort of teachings the Pearls promote.
Intentions within this subculture are good, but what I've seen is replacing what is truly Biblical with ideals that build a particular subculture and set of values. Values which, in themselves, are not necessarily bad. But taken as a whole are elevated to a place of prominence within this subculture, at the expense of what is truly Biblical. At the expense of the Gospel.
(Related to this, read Christian Families on the Edge from CRI.)
May 27, 2006 | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
More Sadness on Sean Paddock / Michael and Debi Pearl
The autopsy has been released for Sean Paddock, the young adopted boy who was abused and who died at the hands of his mother. His mother had turned to Michael and Debi Pearl's parenting resources, and had been influenced by them.
In the week before 4-year-old Sean Paddock's death, he refused to stay in bed at night . . .That was when Lynn Paddock, his adoptive mother, began wrapping the child tightly in blankets to keep him still through the night, the report said. By the third night of battling the straying child, the bundling was so thick and so tight that Sean couldn't move.
Sometime in the early morning darkness Feb. 26, the 30-pound boy suffocated to death. Because of the constraint, Sean's lungs couldn't completely fill with air, eventually robbing him of oxygen, said Deborah L. Radisch, a pathologist with the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner.
To my knowledge, Michael and Debi Pearl do not give specific instructions to wrap a child tightly in blankets if he in not "obeying" and is getting out of bed at night.
However, they do teach in their book "To Train Up A Child":
"If you have to sit on him to spank him then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher, more patiently enduring and are unmoved by his wailing. Defeat him totally. Accept no conditions for surrender. No compromise. You are to rule over him as a benevolent sovereign. Your word is final."
They Pearls teach parents that they should use whatever force is necessary to restrain a child, to hold him there until he is surrendered. . . defeat him totally. Using blankets to do that isn’t specified in what I've read, but it definitely fits the "spirit" of what is taught.
The autopsy also showed other signs of physical abuse.
"Layers of thin, long bruises -- old and new -- stretched from Sean's bottom to his shoulder blade, the autopsy said. In addition to the binding, Paddock had been whipping the boy with a plastic plumbing pipe, Johnston County sheriff's deputies have said.
Investigators say Paddock had also been whipping Sean's 8-year-old sister and 9-year-old brother with the thin, flexible pipes. . ."
Related here at TulipGirl:
On the Pearls and Parenting
Pearls Po-Russki
Biblical Relationships or Behaviourism
Children, Good and Grown
Offsite:
More News On Sean Paddock
On Perfectionism and the Pearls
A Switch or a Cross?
Authoritarianism and Isolationism Among Us (small type, worth the effort of reading)
The Pearls: The Basics, On Original Sin
To Train Up A Child Review
TTUAC: One Family's Experiences
Another Family's Experience
Chapter-by-Chapter Review of TTUAC
Avoiding Millstones
TTUAC Short Review
May 10, 2006 | Comments (12) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
Children Learn What They Live
When I was growing up, we had a piece of driftwood hanging on the wall with the poem/wisdom Children Learn What They Live on it.
The version we had was a little different from what I find online, and traditionalist that I am, it bothers me I can't find one worded exactly as I remember it.
But it did start the same way, "If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. . ."
Very little of raising our children has to do with "parenting" per say, or "parenting philosophies." It has to do with living our lives, dependent upon God, being sanctified day by day, and living in the moment with our children.
Jo(e) has a wonderful post about this.
(Link to Jo(e) via Moot Thoughts.)
May 08, 2006 | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
On Family Worship
“Were you formed for this world only, there would be some form to this objection, but how strange such an objection sounds coming from an heir of eternity. Pray, what is your time given to you for? Is it not principally that you may prepare for eternity? And have you no time then for what is the greatest business of your lives? To train your own children in the things of God?”
-Samuel Davies ( Southern counterpart to Jonathan Edwards in the great revival of the 1740’s)
(Via Ever Expanding)
May 07, 2006 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
More on Michael and Debi Pearl
Meggan Judge, a mother in Alaska, wishes someone had stopped her from following Pearl's instruction sooner.
"Thirty times a day, I was striking my son. He wasn't even 2 years old," Judge said. "I kept waiting: Where is this joy we were promised?'"
She slowly gave up Pearl's methods three years ago after locking her son in his room one afternoon for fear that she would hurt him.
Years later, hearing of Lynn Paddock's story, Judge knows she's lucky. She suspects she could have been driven to such lengths if she hadn't met a community of other Christian mothers on the Internet who urged her to abandon Pearl's teachings.
"Without a doubt, I know I would have been capable of that," Judge said. "Anyone who says they wouldn't is a liar. I never knew I had anger issues until I started using his methods."
The NC News Observer has a feature on Michael and Debi Pearl, written by Mandy Locke, the reporter who has followed the Sean Paddock abuse/murder situation from the beginning.
While the Pearls declined to be interviewed, Mandy Locke has been very fair--and at times sympathetic--to them. Michael Pearl is the "a towering, rugged man with a fuzzy white beard that mesmerizes children." However, the article does go into some points of concern about the Pearls' teachings.
For further reading, I recommend the following resources.
Here at TulipGirl:
On the Pearls and Parenting
Pearls Po-Russki
Biblical Relationships or Behaviourism
Children, Good and Grown
Offsite:
On Perfectionism and the Pearls
A Switch or a Cross?
Authoritarianism and Isolationism Among Us (small type, worth the effort of reading)
The Pearls: The Basics, On Original Sin
To Train Up A Child Review
TTUAC: One Family's Experiences
Another Family's Experience
Chapter-by-Chapter Review of TTUAC
Avoiding Millstones
TTUAC Short Review
April 30, 2006 | Comments (11) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
For Birth and Fertility Junkies
(Thanks, BetsyPage!)
April 20, 2006 | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
On Perfectionism and Parenting
I read what Ann writes on perfectionism, parenting, and the Pearls. I understand her heart, her experiences. I know the need to lean more into the Gospel, for myself and my children.
And I say, Amen.
I encourage all parents, regardless of faith background or parenting approach, to read Ann's post.
Updated:
Along the lines of Ann's post, is Spunky's post A Switch or a Cross? Ann and other are involved in the comments, which are worth reading through and provide food for thought and reflections.
And to further understand how mamas are drawn to the Pearls' materials and then realize their harm, I recommend reading nutmeggmama's story and Anne's story.
April 10, 2006 | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
A rod is a rod is a rod?
It's just a little plastic tubing. . .
Related:
Rod/Shebet Study
Islam and "the Rod"
Our Homeschool: The Rod
Reading into the Rod Verses
April 07, 2006 | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
Babies, Dependent and Demanding
"Unlike animals, which generally become self-reliant shortly after birth, the human infant remains dependent on others for a very long time. He comes into the world as a bundle of needs, relying totally on the warmth of human arms, watchful eyes, and tender caresses. Incubators and electric heat are merely a very inadequate substitute for human contact, and the touch of cold instruments can be torture. A baby requires the certainty that he will be protected in every situation, that his arrival is desired, that his cries are heard, that the movements of his eyes are repsonded to and his fears calmed. The baby needs assurance that his hunger and thirst will be satisfied, his body lovingly cared for, and his distress never ignored."
--Alice Miller, the opening paragraph of the preface to "Banished Knowledge"
"If you want to look at how infants point us toward the reality of sin, I think most adults need to quit picking at the sliver in the baby's eye and start with the plank in their own. Here's a secret, (very sarcastic tone), babies are so demanding because if they weren't, their selfish, sinful parents would let them starve rather than interrupt their own activities to feed and nurture them. Really, what would happen to most infants if they never fussed or demanded attention? I think most adults would leave them alone and only interact with them when it was convenient."
--Magan
"Can a woman forget her nursing child,
that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb?
Even these may forget,
yet I will not forget you.Isaiah 49:15, via Heather
March 30, 2006 | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
Heart of Discipline
A lot of this comes down to how the Gospel is viewed, and the position of Children in the Church and how the Gospel applies to Children.
I believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross not only for me, but also for my children. I believe that the Gospel applies to them as much as it does to me. I believe the Bible teaches this--and even Christ does. We all know the passage where Jesus says, "Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them. . ."
I believe Christ paid the penalty for my children's sins on the cross. When my children sin--I want to point them to the One who has already been punished for their sin. When my children sin (and they do--I do not have a weak view of sin)--I come alongside them, confront them with the ugly reality of sin in their lives, and help them repent. I pray that the Holy Spirit softens their hearts and enables them to truly repent. We pray together. We ask for God's grace to do the right thing.
I do discipline. I help them form habits of right behaviour. I teach them right from wrong. I correct them. One of the most powerful passages on child discipline in the Bible is Duet 6:4-7:
Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
That constant presence is the heart of discipleship, the heart of discipline.
See also:
The Heart of Grace
March 12, 2006 | Comments (13) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
Parenting and the Westminster Divines
From a recent Christian History Corner article:
In their teaching on the fifth commandment ("Honor thy father and thy mother … "), the Calvinist divines who authored the Westminster Larger Catechism (1648) extended the terms "father" and "mother" to cover all relations of "superior" to "inferior" persons. Like Benedict's rule, the questions dealing with parental responsibilities and failures reflects a balanced, wise treatment of the subjects of authority and discipline. . .:
Q. 129. What is required of superiors towards their inferiors?
A. It is required of superiors, according to that power they receive from God, and that relation wherein they stand, to love, pray for, and bless their inferiors; to instruct, counsel, and admonish them; countenancing, commending, and rewarding such as do well; and discountenancing, reproving, and chastising such as do ill; protecting, and providing for them all things necessary for soul and body: and by grave, wise, holy, and exemplary carriage, to procure glory to God, honour to themselves, and so to preserve that authority which God hath put upon them.
Q. 130. What are the sins of superiors?
A. The sins of superiors are, besides the neglect of the duties required of them, and inordinate seeking of themselves, their own glory, ease, profit, or pleasure; commanding things unlawful, or not in the power of inferiors to perform; counseling, encouraging, or favouring them in that which is evil; dissuading, discouraging, or discountenancing them in that which is good; correcting them unduly; careless exposing, or leaving them to wrong, temptation, and danger; provoking them to wrath; or any way dishonouring themselves, or lessening their authority, by an unjust, indiscreet, rigorous, or remiss behaviour.
I find this a striking passage. Parents, the catechism is saying, sin against their children when they "correct them unduly," "provoke them to wrath," or slip into any other "unjust … rigorous … behavior." Are you surprised, as I was, to see the tendency toward parental strictness (which I possess) decidedly not recommended or reinforced by these supposedly strict Calvinists? Frankly, as I read through this section of the catechism, I both said "ouch" repeatedly, and asked for God's grace to come more closely into alignment with the biblical standard.
I'm feeling convicted.
May God enable us to parent our children with wisdom and grace.
Reposted from June 2004. Because it's good, and I need the reminder.
February 25, 2006 | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0) | Permalink
Proverbs, Parellelism, and the Rod
A friend recently was talking with me about the "rod verses" in Proverbs and the importance of context for studying the Bible.
We can take the Bible seriously, without reading these verses as being symbolic--nor with it being prescriptive of hitting young children.
I believe that Proverbs is included in the 2 Tim 3:16 assurance that "All scripture [is] given by inspiration of God, and [is] profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness."
However, it is a Wisdom book, and the verses have less context around them to help clarify them, than others in the Bible. As John MacArthur writes of Proverbs that "These are wise sayings and truisms -- not necessarily inviolable rules."
And have you noticed, Proverbs appears to use quite a bit of hyperbole.
For example, earlier in the chapter that includes "beat him with the rod and save his soul from death", are the verses:
When you sit to dine with a ruler,
note well what is before you,
and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony.
Proverbs 23:1-2
So when I read these "rod" verses, it's very easy for me to read them for the concept (don't be a glutton, faithfully discipline your child) rather than taking them as specific commands (slit your throat, beat with a rod.)
In these rod verses, the concepts seem clear when we look at the parallelism, for example:
"Withhold not correction from the child. . ."
". . .but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."
". . .but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame."
These concepts are very much in line with what I think one of the clearest and strongest commands for us, both as people and as parents:
Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Duet 6:4-7
February 24, 2006 | Comments (17) |